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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwra9396 on 2023-07-31 10:33:12.
Something my partner mentioned to me a while ago that was annoying her was apparently me “always needing to be right”. She said it was really getting to her and I said I’d look at it and try to work on it. I asked if she could give any examples and se said it can be a lot of things like if she was talking about something that was in the news, I’d voice a different viewpoint to her. Another example she gave was when we we not away for a night we were at a restaurant and we needed to be at a cocktail bar quite quickly to make our reservation, she suggested a way that she said was the quickest but I disagreed and offered an alternative.
For a while I believed that it was me causing the issue but then I thought that if this was such an issue with me, that more people would have brought it up to me but it has only been my gf. Last night we were sat with the balcony door open and it was windy and the wind was slamming the door into the metal railings. I suggested closing the door but my gf said it was fine. I just pointed out I don’t want the door to damage or the glass to smash. My gf says “there you go again needing to be right”. I told her that there’s a difference between me always needing to be right and just having a different viewpoint to her.
I said she can’t get annoyed when I am actually right about something and she can’t get annoyed at me voicing an opinion that is different to hers. I mentioned that I think the actual problem is her not being able to accept people not just agreeing with her all the time. She said I was being out of line and I just pointed out in every example she has gave about me needing to be right, I was either just voicing a differing opinion, like with the political issues she mentioned, or me pointing out another solution such as when we went away and needed to be at the bar.
She just repeated that I clearly haven’t bothered to listen to her when she said “me needing to be right” is causing problems for us but I just told her I should be allowed to voice my opinion and that there’s a difference between needing to be right an just disagreeing with her. She just said I clearly didn’t want to work on it despite knowing it’s upsetting her.
AITA for disagreeing that I always need to be right?
“Always needing to be right” is vaguely defined. From what’s been said so far you’re NTA, but there’s probably some subtle aspect of this that would come up if you dug into exactly what she’s referring to.
Instead of offering your own analysis of those situations, try asking her to break down how it feels to her, to figure out exactly what it is that’s bothering her.
Also keep in mind that relationships can reveal behavior that doesn’t come out anywhere else, so it’s possible that you are interacting with her differently than with other people in a way you aren’t aware of.