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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-05-21 04:01:05+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/shroomskillmarriage

My husband did shrooms once and I don’t know if our marriage will survive.

Originally posted to r/shrooms

TRIGGER WARNING: Drug use, emotional infidelity

Original Post May 13, 2024

I thought we had the best marriage. I thought we were the lucky ones. It wasn’t perfect but it was really, really great.

I never worried about other women because I thought what we had was strong enough that other people don’t matter. He is very cute, and cute women have flirted with him right in front of me before and it didn’t bother me because I knew that his heart was with me.

He did shrooms 3 months ago. He loved it. He said it changed his life. He said he understands now that everything in the universe is exactly how it’s supposed to be, everything is going to be ok, and nothing matters. He said he could see me in a way that he has never seen me before. He cried with me on the couch and shot love beams into my heart. I thought we were growing closer.

He has been talking about how much more he loves everyone he interacts with on a daily basis. His friends. His difficult coworkers. It all sounded platonic to me and I assumed his love for me was still special and unique.

He has a crush on someone else now. Ok, it happens. I would be lying if I said I never had crushes.

But he is intentionally seeking out opportunities to interact with this person. I told him that feel a little disrespectful towards me and towards our marriage. I asked him if it was a good idea to put himself in a position of continuing to develop feelings for someone else. He agreed that it wasn’t.

…but I noticed that he wasn’t reassuring me in this conversation. He wasn’t telling me that his crush didn’t matter because his love for me dwarfs how he feels about this other person. I thought it was weird that he didn’t say anything like that and I asked him about it the next day.

He said to me, “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that you’re irreplaceable and that you have nothing to worry about.”

Guys. The man I married would have never said this to me.

We have been talking about this over the past few days. He tells me that he’s not attached to me because he’s not attached to anything anymore, and that that’s not a bad thing. He chooses to be with me but he’s not dependent on me for his happiness.

It seemed to me that he doesn’t value our marriage anymore because his love for everyone in the world has grown so much that his love for me is no longer unique or special to him. I asked him, “Do you want to not be with me anymore so he can go out and love the world?” And he took several second to answer me. My heart completely shattered waiting for him to answer because I never would have expected this to be a difficult question for him. Eventually, he answered, “I don’t think so.”

I was devastated during this conversation and he showed 0 emotion. The man I married would not have been able to see me in that much pain without having an emotional response.

He is going to start seeing a therapist, but I am just completely lost and I don’t know what to do. I can’t believe my marriage is falling apart because of a 2g shroom trip. I can’t seem to connect with him or get through to him. I don’t understand why he doesn’t seem to care.

I guess I’m fishing for advice and wondering if anyone has similar experiences. I’m hoping someone will tell me that the effects will fade over time and I will eventually get my husband back. I’ve read so many accounts of shrooms experiences and I have just never heard of something like this happening to anyone else. I’ve seen accounts of people falling deeper into love and devotion to their spouses, and the opposite is happening to me. I’m just extremely sad and I don’t know what to do.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

pysgod-wibbly_wobbly

He may have experienced and ego death. Some people will take very large doses to intentionally achieve this.

When a person has an ego death they are no longer attached to their identity. They learn our “identity” is an illusion created by our ego. Its a hard concept to explain so I want try to. Has he stopped showing interest in things he used to enjoy? Music , sport , hobbies etc?

Look up ok Google “dark night of the soul” it may help you understand what he is experiencing.

OOP

He has not lot interest in things and he says he is generally happier since his trip. His sport of interest changed, which was very surprising to everyone that knows him, but he is still very interested in sport.

We’ve talked about ego death and he’s not sure if he would classify it as ego death. He thinks it’s a possibility. I’ve had a few DNOTS and it doesn’t look like that to me.

~

ThrowRAsvvcegvvp

I don’t think this was solely the shrooms. I think your husband just wants to go outside of your marriage & the shrooms just … opened him up to it.

OOP

It’s just weird because I have some poly family members and he was always extremely opposed to it. Moreso than I was.

I know that doesn’t rule out that this is exactly what’s happening, it’s just hard to swallow.

OOP added this comment

I don’t believe in soulmates, but that doesn’t mean he is replaceable to me. We’ve grown together and grown something that I will never have with someone else.

He had a near death experience a few years ago that made me face his mortality. I had to think about how I would react if he died. I knew that it would take years to make myself whole again and that I would feel like a large, important piece of myself died.

He doesn’t seem to feel this way about me right now.

Update May 14, 2024

Original:

I showed the original thread to him last night. Y’all completely broke his brain, in the best way. You guys were able to reach him from a place of understanding that I didn’t have access to. I’m incredibly grateful.

He read every comment (at the time), and then as soon as we made eye contact, tears just started streaming down his face (this was the first time he cried since his trip). As soon as I saw him crying, I knew we would be ok. We just had this big sudden moment of, “…oh, there you are. Welcome home!” And we hugged and cried together.

I really think the issue is/was integration. I mentioned his optimism in the comments, and it leads to him doing things like trying drugs without doing any preparation or research first. So he just wasn’t familiar with the concept of integration and wasn’t prepared for how big of a deal this turned out to be. He was, as many of you said, “lost in the sauce” (I loved this).

It really seems like he very suddenly snapped out of something last night. Over the past 3 months, he has talked about being able to access something that never went away after his trip. Last night was the first time he said he couldn’t access it. He laughed and said that he felt like he just came down from a 3 month trip.

We covered all of the concerns I expressed in my post that I could think of:

Does he want to be poly? No

Does he feel attached to me now? Yes

Would he be upset if I died or left him? Yes

Does he see me as replaceable? No

Is he confident that he wants to be with me? Yes

Does he understand and value the concept of family? Yes (I didn’t write about this one in the post, but it was another thing we weren’t able to see eye-to-eye on)

He also shared that his crush feels like nothing to him now and he apologized a thousand times for everything.

The shrooms definitely revealed some underlying issues in our marriage, but I don’t think it’s quite what a lot of comments suggested (that he has always wanted to open our marriage). We discussed last night that he has some unmet needs that he hasn’t been communicating to me because I’m autistic and he usually treats me like I’m very delicate (despite how he came across in the post). We are going to continue working through this piece. I’m just very thankful to have something we can work through.

For those saying that I just need to do shrooms and then I will understand and everything will be fixed, I have done more shrooms than he has. That was never the problem.

For those commenting on the dosage (2g), it was lemon tek. I experienced for myself a few weeks ago what a massive impact this has on intensity.

For those thinking it’s a manic episode, he does not have a history of depression at all. He’ll still mention this to his therapist but I think it’s unlikely.

We have some new fun things on the table to work on, but I really feel like I have my husband and best friend back. And he looks at me with googly eyes again.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that took the time out of their day to write out thoughtful comments.

TLDR: This experience has been wild, I am very exhausted, and we’re going to be ok :)

RELEVANT COMMENTS

_FIRECRACKER_JINX

I’m really glad it …

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