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Mood Spoiler: happy-ish ending

Original Post: June 11, 2024

I kind of know I am the asshole, but I need to know how bad it was.

My brother is 29 and has been with Lia for about 2 years. We all like her; she is super nice. I am getting married next April and sent an invite to my brother’s apartment. We decided to send invites to households and not individuals. For example, our aunt received an invite for her family and not for each individual.

Last Thursday, we met at my parents’ place. It was just the core family because of some tax reasons, lol. While there, I asked my brother about Lia’s dietary restrictions. I know that she is a vegetarian for health reasons and that she cannot have certain raw vegetables.

He said that she wasn’t going to come and that he was taking his girl best friend, Amanda, instead. Now, their relationship is weird af. Amanda has always been stringing my brother along, in my opinion. He always denies having feelings for her, but let’s be real here.

Amanda would date other guys, blow off my brother, then when things were on the decline with her partners, she would be attached to him again. Her last boyfriend broke up with her right around the time my brother, his then ex-girlfriend, Amanda, and her ex were supposed to travel to Spain. What did my idiot brother do? Go with Amanda alone because Amanda was uncomfortable with his ex-girlfriend. Obviously, he acted blindsided when his girlfriend broke up with him. I didn’t even say anything anymore because it’s all so weird.

So, when he said that, I asked if Lia already had other plans. But my brother said that Amanda had asked if she could come because it would be an opportunity to finally see the old gang (we were in the same friend group in high school). I told him that I would have invited Amanda if I wanted her there. Amanda is mean and cold. She always makes disparaging comments about other girls. At every event, around one hour in, she will make some sort of scene that either has her running away crying or sitting mad at a table telling everyone to “leave her alone” and then making a cryptic comment about something “hurting her.”

I told my brother I was revoking his plus one and Amanda was NOT coming to our wedding. He accused me of being misogynistic and bigoted because I don’t understand opposite-sex friendships. Which is BS. My husband has a female childhood friend who is his best woman. I love her too and she has been amazing. AND SHE RESPECTS FUCKING BOUNDARIES. She always includes me and made a huge effort when I started dating my fiancé to integrate me into the friend group.

Anyway, I said my decision was final. He could take it or leave it, but I would be inviting Lia myself because I like her. He screamed at me and told me to keep out of his business. I said to get rid of his weird fucking feelings for Amanda. He is mad at me. My dad said is none of our deal. My mom is furious with my brother. So Aita?

Edit: to answer some questions

The invite was addressed to the “smith’s.” Funnily enough, Lia had the same last name as us. Granted, we have one of the most common last names.

Yes, they live together.

The tax thing is nothing huge. My parents have a small buisness but are really bad at keeping track of all their receipts. So every month we go and help them. We digitalis the receipts and put them in a bookkeeping software for the accountant

Amanda is in the comments. Say hi!

The (Alleged) Amanda Comments:

Editor’s Note: the account replying is a well-established account on AITA and commented on many posts before commenting on OOP’s- it was not a new account nor a throwaway. Do NOT DM this person or harass them in any way- this goes against the rules of the sub. I am only including this because it is relevant to what OOP wrote and pointed out.

Excellent-Count4009: YTA. If he has any sense, he simply will not come to your wedding - that’s the correct way to handle AHs like you.

And - if he has any sense, he will go no contact with you AH.

OOP: Yeah I wouldn’t mind lol

Excellent-Count4009: Well, if you don’t mind your brother and dad not coming to your wedding, that’s fine.

But the way you handled it makes you the AH: NOT inviting your brother would have been fine. Giving him an invite, trying to dominate him and decide his relationships for him, and then uninviting his +1 because YOU want to decide who his partner is - that’s overstepping.

OOP: My dad is not mad at me, dude lol. He thinks it’s unnecessary drama. He doesn’t like Amanda either so he is just keeping out

“Amanda” replied to several other commenters. I included a few here:

Commenter: NTA your brother is though. He needs a huge reality check this chick Amanda sounds super problematic and toxic and sinxce it is your wedding you are absolutely within your rights to decide who gets to be there and who doesn‘t. Hope your brother will realize how manipulative Amanda is and cut her from his life before she manages to destroy even more for him.

Amanda: All of that is NONE of OP’s business.

SHE gave him a +, and revoked it. She is an AH for intruding into his relationship

Tihs willb reak up her family.

Let’S see if her brother and dad will be the only ones not coming.

Commenter: It’s confusing then why he and Amanda aren’t together. They seem to be into each other. Or does he really like Amanda but she uses him as a placeholder and doesn’t reciprocate his feelings? If that’s the case, he needs to put distance there so he can move forward or you’re right, he will be alone until Amanda gets married to someone else.

Amanda: What do you esxpect? HE has an aH sister.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: […] You can invite Lia yourself but by the sounds of your brothers behaviour who knows if they will even still be together by then. Even if they are I wouldn’t count on her sticking around if he keeps prioritizing Amanda over her.

OOP: I like Lia like genuinely as a friend and would like her there. I should honestly just have invited her officially, too. I should have honestly have been able to forsee David would do this.

Commenter: How does Lia feel about Amanda?

OOP: Well she feels hyper insecure about Amanda.

Commenter: She should, because this behavior is a pretty obvious sign that should Amanda give him a chance, he will cheat on Lia in a second, and has probably done so with his exes.

OOP: Agree 100 percent. If Amanda wrote him right now that she wants him, he would drive pantless to her place

On OOP’s brother:

I gave given up talking to him years ago. I always feel sorry for the amazing girls he brings home, tho. I still talk to his ex. She helped me with .y career. Lol. He is going to end up alone

Commenter: But just to be safe, tell Lia she is invited even if she isnt with your brother anymore at the time of the wedding because “lets be real here” she can do alot better and its just a matter of time before she realises that and dumps him. Let Lia have a +1 so she can enjoy herself :) That would make her feel truely welcome.

Your brother is a major asshole, and I dont blame you at all for not wanting his side piece at your wedding. I also wouldnt blame you if you didnt want him at your wedding.

OOP: She can so much better. On paper, my brother is pretty great. Amazing job, financial stability, he volunteers at animal shelters and cares about his appearance. And when he is not drooling for Amanda, he is generally really nice and loving. But bro.

Why aren’t he and Amanda together???

It’s so weird, man! Idk. She is jealous when anyone spends time with him. I once told him to ask her to have a one-sided open relationship where she gets to do what she wants, and he waits at home for her because he already does that lol

Commenter: Did he even told Lia she was invited? There might be a possibility that he’s lying and the girlfriend didn’t even know about the wedding

OOP: She did not in fact know

Commenter: How did she learn about it ? From you or from him (for damage control)?

OOP: I called Lia in front of him, asking her about it. She had no idea

OOP is voted NTA

Update Post: June 25, 2024 (2 weeks later)

I listen to Two Hot Takes every day on my commute, so it was a huge surprise when you responded to my post. Thanks for your insights. (Editor’s Note- tiktok [here](https://www.tiktok.com/@thtreddit/video/7381072878005144…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dtcrjq/aita_for_taking_away_my_brothers_plus_one_and/

AITA for taking away my brother's plus one and inviting his girlfriend myself?

AITA for taking away my brother's plus one and inviting his girlfriend myself?

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Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Latest update is 7 days old per the rules of the sub.