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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/swtogirl on 2024-07-05 15:09:38+00:00.

I am not OOP. OOP is u/WittyValue9464 and they posted on r/TrueOffMyChest, their profile and r/legaladvice

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. This sub has a 7-day waiting period so the latest update is at least 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: domestic violence, descriptions of physical violence, pet theft

I (23M) punched my wife and will be going to jail tonight March 31, 2024

Throwaway

My wife (31F) is mentally unstable. Her personality flipped when we got married. She can be very violent. Tonight we got in an argument. She started throwing things at me, then she started hitting me, so I punched her in the face. She told me she’s going to call the police and locked herself in our guest room. I don’t know if she actually called the police, but I’m sitting here waiting. I’m definitely going to be the one that goes to jail. I’ve never hit a woman before. I’ve never felt so low.

Edit: wow I wasn’t expecting a lot of responses on this. Just got out of jail and will update later

Relevant Comments:

Fenix_Glo:

You’re in a bad place. If cops come request a lawyer immediately and keep your mouth shut. If cops don’t come in 4 hours or so then leave the premises and don’t return without witnesses or a constable.

officialredditperson:

She’s 31 and you’re 23? Wow, I’m curious how long y’all have been married, and even together before that. Sounds suspect.

dbethel5:

Delete this post. Consult a legal team. Please don’t use Reddit for this advice. I’d hate to see anything bite you later.

In a thread where one redditor suggested calling the police on her first, an interesting discussion on F-to-M domestic violence occurred:

Livecrazyjoe:

That’s not going to work. He punched her and it will probably show. Even if she did those things it will be in favor of her.

My ex wife slapped me for no reason. I called the cops and they did nothing.  When she was asked she even admitted it. They even laughed at me. Fuck me for calling them instead of violence.

AlternativePrior9559:

Jeezus i’m so sorry. M-F or F-M it’s all assault and abuse. Men often keep quiet about it and i’m not surprised as the system is skewed against them

MajorasKitten:

The worst part is- it’s MEN doing the skewing of the system! Men laugh at men who are victims!

I have seen how women support eachother and help others leave abusive situations- but men are completely alone in this. If a man tells his friends about abuse, he’ll probably be laughed at or mocked instead of taken seriously and offered help- which is fucked up. Men are taught to go at it alone since they’re kids- and now we’re in a world surrounded by non-empathetic men who ignore a brother in need.

Absolutely heartbreaking and infuriating.

tack50:

Tbh I don’t think it comes to men or women supporting each other but rather legislation (which is made by politicians, of both genders).

To use a good example, in my country there’s a 24/7 phone line for victims of domestic abuse to get help. Sounds great right? Except if they hear a male voice at the other end they’ll hang up on you (lesbians also get hung up if they slip up and talk about “girlfriend”; it’s only for straight women)

Similarly abused straight women get all sorts of perks when/if they report their abuse, like for example free college or extra welfare. Men (whether straight or gay) and lesbians get nothing.

Finally, even in the cases where it goes to court and the abuser gets found guilty; the sentences are much harsher for men abusing a woman than for LGBT relations or women abusing a man, even when the actions are the same.

All of this is legislation, not culture.

First Update April 3, 2024

Go to my profile for the original story.

I know a lot of people commented wanting to know what I ended up doing after hitting my wife, I wish I could’ve responded but I didn’t have my phone. Honestly I’m surprised at how many people saw my post and commented.

To answer some questions, because people believe I was groomed as my wife is older

  • We met when I was 19 and she was 27
  • She was the nicest and most amazing woman I had ever met. I fell for her immediately
  • She really had her shit together. She had a master’s degree and was very successful in her field of work as an independent small business owner
  • She was married and divorced once before meeting me (red flag In hindsight)
  • We eloped 4 months ago
  • The house is leased, only my name is on the lease as my wife moved out of her apartment when we got married.

After we got married is when she started lashing out and hitting me occasionally. And no I didn’t just punch her in the face because I was mad. She threw a glass at me, it hit me in the head (it didn’t shatter on my head), I fell to the ground and she got on top of me. I was trying to block her hits and reacted by punching her. Then she acted like the victim by crying and saying she was calling the police and she wasn’t safe around me, then locked herself in the guest room. However, now I’ll tell you what happened after the post.

Yes, I ended up going to jail Saturday night. Unfortunate that I got arrested the night before Easter Sunday, because I couldn’t see a judge until Monday. I was charged with Domestic Assault & Battery. It is a misdemeanor because it’s my first offense, but I could still face a year in jail.

My wife didn’t call the police immediately. She locked herself in the guest room after it happened. About 20 minutes after the incident is when i posted on Reddit. I honestly thought she was bluffing about calling the police, but about 10 minutes after that there were 2 cops knocking and yelling at my front door. My wife came out of the guest room with a black eye. I immediately knew I was screwed. I was wearing a white t-shirt that had some blood stains on it because my wife had busted my lip. Unfortunately, regardless of me saying I was defending myself against my violent wife, they saw her black eye and the blood on my shirt and I was arrested.

As of right now I’m not allowed to be around my wife. I have a public defender as I can’t afford my own lawyer. She has left our house so luckily I can stay there. I have no idea where she went. She took MY dog though (she didn’t even want the fucking thing). I am calling a divorce lawyer and will be filing as soon as possible. I’m going to try and get the charge dropped as well, my attorney is pretty confident that it will go no where as I have a clean record and my wife has domestic charges on her record (I knew about this, but I was stupid and believed her when she said her husband hit her all the time, now look at me 😒) and I’m claiming self defense.

I was also fired from my job too because I was in jail on Monday. And as of right now I probably won’t be getting another because there’s no way I can pass a background check with an ongoing legal problem.

I am going to be setting cameras up all around my house incase my wife decides to show up. I still have her number in my phone, unblocked, but will not be reaching out or responding if she reaches out to me.

Essentially, my life is ruined. My wife is a horrible human being. And I could face jail time or homelessness. I don’t speak to my family as they don’t like my wife, and this is something that I don’t think I can tell them about because they warned me that she was trouble.

Edit: Thank you for the advice guys. I called my parents and told them I’m coming over tonight. They don’t know what happened yet but I’m gonna talk to them.

Edit 2: I spoke to my parents tonight. I hadn’t spoken to them since I got married to my wife which was 4 months ago. They were not at all supportive of …

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dw08et/i_23m_punched_my_wife_and_will_be_going_to_jail/

  • @[email protected]MEnglish
    1•3 months ago

    First Update April 3, 2024

    Go to my profile for the original story.

    I know a lot of people commented wanting to know what I ended up doing after hitting my wife, I wish I could’ve responded but I didn’t have my phone. Honestly I’m surprised at how many people saw my post and commented.

    To answer some questions, because people believe I was groomed as my wife is older

    We met when I was 19 and she was 27 She was the nicest and most amazing woman I had ever met. I fell for her immediately She really had her shit together. She had a master’s degree and was very successful in her field of work as an independent small business owner She was married and divorced once before meeting me (red flag In hindsight) We eloped 4 months ago The house is leased, only my name is on the lease as my wife moved out of her apartment when we got married. After we got married is when she started lashing out and hitting me occasionally. And no I didn’t just punch her in the face because I was mad. She threw a glass at me, it hit me in the head (it didn’t shatter on my head), I fell to the ground and she got on top of me. I was trying to block her hits and reacted by punching her. Then she acted like the victim by crying and saying she was calling the police and she wasn’t safe around me, then locked herself in the guest room. However, now I’ll tell you what happened after the post.

    Yes, I ended up going to jail Saturday night. Unfortunate that I got arrested the night before Easter Sunday, because I couldn’t see a judge until Monday. I was charged with Domestic Assault & Battery. It is a misdemeanor because it’s my first offense, but I could still face a year in jail.

    My wife didn’t call the police immediately. She locked herself in the guest room after it happened. About 20 minutes after the incident is when i posted on Reddit. I honestly thought she was bluffing about calling the police, but about 10 minutes after that there were 2 cops knocking and yelling at my front door. My wife came out of the guest room with a black eye. I immediately knew I was screwed. I was wearing a white t-shirt that had some blood stains on it because my wife had busted my lip. Unfortunately, regardless of me saying I was defending myself against my violent wife, they saw her black eye and the blood on my shirt and I was arrested.

    As of right now I’m not allowed to be around my wife. I have a public defender as I can’t afford my own lawyer. She has left our house so luckily I can stay there. I have no idea where she went. She took MY dog though (she didn’t even want the fucking thing). I am calling a divorce lawyer and will be filing as soon as possible. I’m going to try and get the charge dropped as well, my attorney is pretty confident that it will go no where as I have a clean record and my wife has domestic charges on her record (I knew about this, but I was stupid and believed her when she said her husband hit her all the time, now look at me 😒) and I’m claiming self defense.

    I was also fired from my job too because I was in jail on Monday. And as of right now I probably won’t be getting another because there’s no way I can pass a background check with an ongoing legal problem.

    I am going to be setting cameras up all around my house incase my wife decides to show up. I still have her number in my phone, unblocked, but will not be reaching out or responding if she reaches out to me.

    Essentially, my life is ruined. My wife is a horrible human being. And I could face jail time or homelessness. I don’t speak to my family as they don’t like my wife, and this is something that I don’t think I can tell them about because they warned me that she was trouble.

    Edit: Thank you for the advice guys. I called my parents and told them I’m coming over tonight. They don’t know what happened yet but I’m gonna talk to them.

    Edit 2: I spoke to my parents tonight. I hadn’t spoken to them since I got married to my wife which was 4 months ago. They were not at all supportive of the decision as well as me dating her. At the time I didn’t know why, obviously I know now they were right. They honestly were happy to see me when I showed up. They thought I was bringing my wife over so I’m sure they were even happier to see that I came alone. I told them everything and I’m not gonna lie it was really emotional. My parents were more than understanding. They’re paying for a lawyer not only to fight my charges but for the divorce as well, my mom is walking me through how to press charges against her for the abuse as well as for stealing my dog. They said i could stay at the house with them if i felt safer there but I declined. I thought they’d be all “I told you so” but it wasn’t like that at all. I also filed for divorce. She should be served at her office sometime soon.

    Relevant Comments:

    nondescriptzombie:

    “I don’t speak to my family as they don’t like my wife, and this is something that I don’t think I can tell them about because they warned me that she was trouble.”

    GO TALK TO YOUR FAMILY! TAKE THE “I TOLD YOU SO’S.” Man up. Deal with it. They love you.

    OOP:

    I will tell my family. I’m just worried because my mom is a police officer so I feel like this could also turn them further against me.

    nondescriptzombie:

    You really think your mom will side with the woman she hated and warned you about and think that her little boy who has only been gone for a few years is now a woman beater?

    OOP:

    It’s not just that I’m worried about her opinion on that, but she always told me and my siblings if we go to jail that we can forget about being part of the family.

    bizianka:

    I am sure she was talking about going to jail as doing crimes, not as hitting someone in self defense.

    Radiant_Maize2315:

    Big sister to a younger brother here. My brother’s ex fiancée completely isolated him from our family and tried to control every bit of his life. We absolutely hated this chick but we knew he was an adult who made his own choices. Eventually he wisened up and left her before they got married. Trust and believe me when I say we welcomed him back into the fold, no questions or hesitation. We were just happy he got out.

    Even if your mom doesn’t help you (and if she doesn’t, she’s probably not a great mom), other people in your family will be happy to hear from you. As someone else said, they love you and they want the best for you.

    • @[email protected]MEnglish
      1•3 months ago

      Second Update April 13, 2024

      Hey everyone, I wasn’t going to update because for me this issue is over. But I have a lot of messages and understand that many people are curious as to how things are going after that initial night with me getting arrested.

      The charges were tossed, my wife admitted that she exaggerated everything and told police and my attorney that I was not abusive and said she would appreciate if the charges weren’t pursued any further. That was good enough because I’m no longer facing a misdemeanor.

      Shortly after that she came to the house (which now has cameras) with a bunch of my favorite snacks and drinks as well as a long apology note. She was in tears saying she didn’t mean to ruin my life and she was so sorry and that night she was seeing red and barely remembers anything.

      When she showed up I didn’t say anything, I also didn’t accept her apology gift or letter. All I asked was where my dog was. She tried to act confused and said she didn’t have him. I know my wife, her face gets red when she lies. I told her if she doesn’t return my dog I’m pressing charges as well as getting a restraining order and filing for divorce. She broke down and told me that she did take him, and had no intention to harm him, but he did run away when she left a door open. She said she looked for him and couldn’t find him. He isn’t chipped. He’s gone, we aren’t going to find him. I’m torn up over it.

      I told her to leave my property. A few days later she was served divorce papers. Again, shows up at my house crying saying she’s sorry for everything, she loves me, she wants to save our marriage. She said I can’t throw away what we have over an animal. While my dog is a huge reason why I’m going through with this, I got pissed and said she’s abusive, she’s manipulative, and she needs therapy and medical help for her problems. It’s way more than my dog. I told her she is lucky I haven’t pressed charges and have only filed for divorce. Well she hit me again. This time on camera. I called the police. When the police showed up she was in hysterics and tried to turn it on me saying that she hit me in self defense and that we’re going through a divorce and I wouldn’t let her leave. She didn’t know I had cameras.

      She was arrested, I was granted a restraining order, we are getting divorced. I’ve gone to every animal shelter close by, my dog is nowhere to be found. It’s been a few weeks. I’m assuming the worst.

      My wife’s ex husband reached out to me. He’s still friends with a few of my wife’s friends and they filled him in on the situation. He told me that she did something similar to him, but he let it continue for longer than he should’ve because she is really manipulative and would cry and apologize and seem genuinely remorseful and willing to take the steps necessary to change. He told me not to look back or fall for any of it.

      But yeah, as happy as I am that my legal issues are over and I’m getting out of an abusive marriage, to me it’s not a happy ending because I lost my best friend since I was 16. I let him down, I put my dog in a situation where he was unsafe. I miss him so much.

      Thank you everyone for the kind messages and comments, you really have helped me through this.

      Relevant Comments:

      ThatKinkyLady:

      Man… The fact that she hit you again and then tried to get you in trouble with the law again, immediately after her big apology attempt is just extra proof that she won’t change. She’s putting herself first, and doesn’t give a shit about how it hurts you. Add on that she lied to your face about taking the dog. Jesus. She sounds so awful and I’m so sorry. I’d dig around some more regarding your dog. I don’t believe that he ran off. I think she either hurt the dog or gave it to someone else. I’d be contacting every friend and family member she has to ask about the dog. Someone probably knows something.

      I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this, OP. But know that even though right now and the divorce process sucks, it will get better when you’re finished will all this.

      serenity450:

      I agree! I don’t know why, but I don’t believe your dog is gone for good. Talk to people, use social media — anything you can think of. Good luck.

      I found my dog (posted on his profile) April 18, 2024

      He’s fine! He didn’t run away, my STBX gave him to a friend of hers that lives about an hour and a half away. Her friend originally thought I was the abuser, so she was happy to “rescue” him, when she heard about what really happened she messaged me on Facebook. All is good in my life now! Thank you all for the support!

      Relevant Comments:

      DrawMandaArt:

      I’m so happy you found your buddy! I’ve been reading your posts, and you’ve been through a lot. I hope this is the end of your troubles, but stay alert to the possibility that your ex might try to figuratively burn everything down! Make sure to cover your ass in every possible way: get some new cameras that she isn’t aware of, change the locks (if your lawyer okays it,) and most importantly, lean on your family for support. They seem like decent people who have your best interests at heart!

      Once you come out of this, I hope you and your furry friend can relax and de-stress… but, in the meantime, stay vigilant. One of my exes was a lot like yours… In the end, it took me moving across the country to shake him loose!

      Choice_Bid_7941:

      Hell yeah I knew it! I knew she kept the dog for “insurance”! What a relief, I’m so glad doggo is safe and sound!!! 🥳🥳🥳

      My wife is suing me for assault. What are my options? June 3, 2024

      I can’t currently afford a lawyer. My wife (soon to be ex) of a few months is suing me for hitting her 2 months ago. I did hit her, in self defense. I was arrested and then charges were dropped. She then came to my house and attacked me again and it was seen on camera. She was arrested. She also said she didn’t know where my dog was, turned out she gave him to her friend. I got him back. Do I file a counter lawsuit? I’m at a loss right now.

      Relevant Comments:

      reddituser1211:

      What is she suing for? What has she asked the court to award her?

      “I can’t currently afford a lawyer.”

      You have to.

      I hear that and I very often think of “but I can’t afford a new transmission.” You don’t have any choice. And nothing I do with a wrench is going to solve that my transmission doesn’t work. You need someone who knows how to approach this.

      OOP:

      “Pain and suffering”

      She wants $10,000 for “therapy”

      I really don’t know how I can afford it. Do I take a bank loan???

      wHiTeSoL:

      Did she actually file a suit? Were you served? Or is she just threatening to file? If she is just threatening to file suit, call her bluff. Ignore her until you’re served. Then [hire] a lawyer. People threaten to sue all the time and never go through with it.

      ZER0-P0INT-ZER0:

      Not your lawyer. Not giving legal advice. It’s hard to recommend getting a lawyer as it will not be cost effective. I wouldn’t take the case but if I did I would need a $7,500 retainer against an hourly rate. Why wouldn’t I take it? Because it’s almost certain you’ll walk away dissatisfied as my fee will exceed any judgment you would avoid. Keep in mind, she’s claiming a medical/psychological injury. I would demand her complete mental health file - you’re entitled to it since she’s claiming a related injury. Does she really want to go down that route for a $10,000 claim? Is she going to release all of her deepest darkest thoughts to the ex she now hates? She’ll also need to hire an expert to prove her claim. Bargain basement shrinks are getting $7,500 for a half day of testimony. She’ll probably need to pay a few grand just to get a narrative report. Is there a pending charge against her? If so, is she going to give testimony in a civil case? That would be incredibly unwise. I would file a pro se answer along with extensive discovery demands. There’s a lot here to absorb.

      Editor’s Note: OOP’s divorce is not finalized yet and the status of the Ex’s potential lawsuit is uncertain, so I am marking this ongoing.

      Reminder: I am not OOP. Do NOT comment on Original Posts. No Brigading! See Rule 7. Per mods:

      This has been flaired confirmed fake because the same night OOP (23m) punched his wife (31f), he posted asking AITA for not doing enough around the house wherein he (26m) and his wife (23f) have disagreements about the amount of effort he puts into the house and