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Trigger Warning: domestic violence, descriptions of physical violence, pet theft

I (23M) punched my wife and will be going to jail tonight March 31, 2024

Throwaway

My wife (31F) is mentally unstable. Her personality flipped when we got married. She can be very violent. Tonight we got in an argument. She started throwing things at me, then she started hitting me, so I punched her in the face. She told me she’s going to call the police and locked herself in our guest room. I don’t know if she actually called the police, but I’m sitting here waiting. I’m definitely going to be the one that goes to jail. I’ve never hit a woman before. I’ve never felt so low.

Edit: wow I wasn’t expecting a lot of responses on this. Just got out of jail and will update later

Relevant Comments:

Fenix_Glo:

You’re in a bad place. If cops come request a lawyer immediately and keep your mouth shut. If cops don’t come in 4 hours or so then leave the premises and don’t return without witnesses or a constable.

officialredditperson:

She’s 31 and you’re 23? Wow, I’m curious how long y’all have been married, and even together before that. Sounds suspect.

dbethel5:

Delete this post. Consult a legal team. Please don’t use Reddit for this advice. I’d hate to see anything bite you later.

In a thread where one redditor suggested calling the police on her first, an interesting discussion on F-to-M domestic violence occurred:

Livecrazyjoe:

That’s not going to work. He punched her and it will probably show. Even if she did those things it will be in favor of her.

My ex wife slapped me for no reason. I called the cops and they did nothing. When she was asked she even admitted it. They even laughed at me. Fuck me for calling them instead of violence.

AlternativePrior9559:

Jeezus i’m so sorry. M-F or F-M it’s all assault and abuse. Men often keep quiet about it and i’m not surprised as the system is skewed against them

MajorasKitten:

The worst part is- it’s MEN doing the skewing of the system! Men laugh at men who are victims!

I have seen how women support eachother and help others leave abusive situations- but men are completely alone in this. If a man tells his friends about abuse, he’ll probably be laughed at or mocked instead of taken seriously and offered help- which is fucked up. Men are taught to go at it alone since they’re kids- and now we’re in a world surrounded by non-empathetic men who ignore a brother in need.

Absolutely heartbreaking and infuriating.

tack50:

Tbh I don’t think it comes to men or women supporting each other but rather legislation (which is made by politicians, of both genders).

To use a good example, in my country there’s a 24/7 phone line for victims of domestic abuse to get help. Sounds great right? Except if they hear a male voice at the other end they’ll hang up on you (lesbians also get hung up if they slip up and talk about “girlfriend”; it’s only for straight women)

Similarly abused straight women get all sorts of perks when/if they report their abuse, like for example free college or extra welfare. Men (whether straight or gay) and lesbians get nothing.

Finally, even in the cases where it goes to court and the abuser gets found guilty; the sentences are much harsher for men abusing a woman than for LGBT relations or women abusing a man, even when the actions are the same.

All of this is legislation, not culture.

First Update April 3, 2024

Go to my profile for the original story.

I know a lot of people commented wanting to know what I ended up doing after hitting my wife, I wish I could’ve responded but I didn’t have my phone. Honestly I’m surprised at how many people saw my post and commented.

To answer some questions, because people believe I was groomed as my wife is older

We met when I was 19 and she was 27
She was the nicest and most amazing woman I had ever met. I fell for her immediately
She really had her shit together. She had a master’s degree and was very successful in her field of work as an independent small business owner
She was married and divorced once before meeting me (red flag In hindsight)
We eloped 4 months ago
The house is leased, only my name is on the lease as my wife moved out of her apartment when we got married.

After we got married is when she started lashing out and hitting me occasionally. And no I didn’t just punch her in the face because I was mad. She threw a glass at me, it hit me in the head (it didn’t shatter on my head), I fell to the ground and she got on top of me. I was trying to block her hits and reacted by punching her. Then she acted like the victim by crying and saying she was calling the police and she wasn’t safe around me, then locked herself in the guest room. However, now I’ll tell you what happened after the post.

Yes, I ended up going to jail Saturday night. Unfortunate that I got arrested the night before Easter Sunday, because I couldn’t see a judge until Monday. I was charged with Domestic Assault & Battery. It is a misdemeanor because it’s my first offense, but I could still face a year in jail.

My wife didn’t call the police immediately. She locked herself in the guest room after it happened. About 20 minutes after the incident is when i posted on Reddit. I honestly thought she was bluffing about calling the police, but about 10 minutes after that there were 2 cops knocking and yelling at my front door. My wife came out of the guest room with a black eye. I immediately knew I was screwed. I was wearing a white t-shirt that had some blood stains on it because my wife had busted my lip. Unfortunately, regardless of me saying I was defending myself against my violent wife, they saw her black eye and the blood on my shirt and I was arrested.

As of right now I’m not allowed to be around my wife. I have a public defender as I can’t afford my own lawyer. She has left our house so luckily I can stay there. I have no idea where she went. She took MY dog though (she didn’t even want the fucking thing). I am calling a divorce lawyer and will be filing as soon as possible. I’m going to try and get the charge dropped as well, my attorney is pretty confident that it will go no where as I have a clean record and my wife has domestic charges on her record (I knew about this, but I was stupid and believed her when she said her husband hit her all the time, now look at me 😒) and I’m claiming self defense.

I was also fired from my job too because I was in jail on Monday. And as of right now I probably won’t be getting another because there’s no way I can pass a background check with an ongoing legal problem.

I am going to be setting cameras up all around my house incase my wife decides to show up. I still have her number in my phone, unblocked, but will not be reaching out or responding if she reaches out to me.

Essentially, my life is ruined. My wife is a horrible human being. And I could face jail time or homelessness. I don’t speak to my family as they don’t like my wife, and this is something that I don’t think I can tell them about because they warned me that she was trouble.

Edit: Thank you for the advice guys. I called my parents and told them I’m coming over tonight. They don’t know what happened yet but I’m gonna talk to them.

Edit 2: I spoke to my parents tonight. I hadn’t spoken to them since I got married to my wife which was 4 months ago. They were not at all supportive of …

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