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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pastel-Tiger on 2023-09-16 05:17:17.
I (19f) regularly babysit for a single dad. The pay is good and the kids are great. However the most recent time he was supposed to be back at 10pm. At 10:15 he texts me asking if I could be flexible with how late he got home (I was thinking he would be home in 5-10 min). I responded I wasn’t as I had an early morning the next day and I would have to commute home. (Additionally I had been planning on catching the tail end of a party for a friend I hadn’t seen in a while). He doesn’t get back until 10:45. I had to rush out because my Uber had already been waiting the 5 min and just curtly said “if you are going to be later please let me know I had to cancel plans I had after this”. I texted after trying to soften the blow but I feel as though whether I had plans or not (and no I’m not just upset I couldn’t go get drunk I’m sober) my time should be respected but I feel crazy and bad because I know he doesn’t get out much and need to know AITA?
You’re NTA for having a boundary and you’re NTA for being curt.
There are two ways to express displeasure. One is with words and the other is with tone. Tone is a perfectly valid way of doing it.
Your tone was curt, which was a signal that said “this isn’t okay”. And it’s not okay. We often forgive others for their transgressions, but him being late was a transgression and forgiving those does incur a cost.
I only think he would be hurt by your tone here if he were weak and oversensitive. You saying, in polite but short form, that you have places to be, is perfectly okay here.