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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/pettingzoothrowaway on 2023-09-30 19:44:30.

i (f30) am biracial. my mum is afro-jamaican and my dad is irish/ashkenazi jewish so my hair is extremely curly and i have a lot of it. i usually wear it braided to manage the heat and humidity but tomorrow is wash day so it’s currently loose. i had to pop over to the grocery store for a dinner party but the closest store was out of what i needed so i had to go to the (predominantly white) suburbs. on my way out, i feel something tugging in my head so i whip around.

there’s an older white woman, maybe mid to late 60s, withdrawing her hand. she says, “i just wanted to see how soft it is.” today was just not a particularly good day so i did yell at her. “is there a fucking petting zoo sign pinned to my back?” she immediately started stuttering and trying to explain herself, insisting that she didn’t mean any harm. i responded by asking, “if you wouldn’t pet a dog without asking first, what makes you think it’s normal to stick your filthy hands in a stranger’s hair?” she started crying and other people started coming over to see what the problem was so i just left.

i told the story to my husband (white, m42) and my parents (f57 and m67). my mom is on my side but my dad and husband are saying that i could have been more understanding to this woman so now i’m asking reddit.

edited to correct my mum’s age.

  • @[email protected]
    1•1 year ago

    The other month at work a guy started to lower the order picker while I was walking by. That machine could crush me easily.

    I told him in a stern voice, calculated to make him uncomfortable, “Don’t lower that thing while I’m walking by”.

    After that moment of discomfort, which again was deliberate on my part, I went back to being perfectly pleasant with him. He hasn’t moved that machine while I’m nearby since then.

    Given I could respond to the threat of being crushed to death with a stern tone, I think you could have responded to the horrors of hair touching with less vitriol.

    ESH