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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-06-05 05:59:05+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ancient-donutplop. She posted in r/AITAH.

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for the recommendation

Mood Spoiler: hopeful ending

Original Post: May 27, 2024

My (35f) fiancé (34m) was chasing our 22 month old around the house for fun. The fun ended abruptly when he slipped on the floor and smacked his head on the tile. It was so hard I felt the vibration from 10 feet away. My fiancé immediately swept him up and held him. He cried for a good 15 minutes and there was a huge bloodshot lump on the back of his head. Our son is a magnet for head hitting and I’ve always been worried but this time it was so hard that I felt it in my gut. Quite literally I wanted to vomit from fear and started tearing up. He seemed quiet lethargic after, just kind of slammed in his father’s lap and not wanting a popsicle which are his favorite.

I begged my fiancé to take him to the hospital and when my mom chimed in in agreement, my fiancé stomped up the stairs to get changed. He came down and argued that we were overreacting and he’s going to spend a but of money just for them to send him home. I told him I thought our sons pupils looked off when I shined a light and his demeanor was different so I’d feel better knowing he’s ok by professionals. He reluctantly put our son in the car and we went to the ER.

Upon a couple of hours watch and some examinations, they decided that he was okay but said they totally understood why we would bring him in. The whole ride back and as we got ready for bed, my fiancé went off on me about how he was going to have to pay the bill for nothing and how he has to get up early for work with no sleep. (He’ll get 6 hours which is more than I will since the ER doctor told us to monitor him for the next few days as symptoms could turn up later.) He also decided to throw a jab in about how I get to sleep in which is completely false as we have a newborn that I’m up feeding every 2 hours and both babies wake up about 10 minutes after he leaves.

I just kept reminding him that it was better to know he was okay rather than not being able to wake him up in the morning. I understand that ER bills can be expensive, but we have good insurance and I still echo that it’s better safe than sorry. But AITAH for “strong-arming” him into going since everything turned out to be ok?

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Nta that man is a moron. You don’t play with head injuries. When in doubt check it out. Ask him if the money and sleep are more important then his child if something has happened?

OOP: Even though he said “better safe than sorry” to the nurse he still continued to rip me a new one when we got home about how it was a waste of money and time. I feel vindicated knowing I made the right choice.

Commenter: NTA Any mom that is concerned for their son is not the asshole. I get your partners point about bills but at the end of the day, health and saftey matters the most.

If the injury sustained looked abnormal and genuinely concerning you have every right to bring your son in. And fuck the American Health care system.

OOP: He’s always cried and went right back to being his energetic self. This time he just sat there quiet and I was so worried. And yes. The American Healthcare system can suck a big one.

(to a different commenter who misread her above comment as hating on the docs): The hospital staff were amazing. I’m not saying that. It’s the price of it all that causes many people to turn away from help when they truly need it. I was so grateful for everyone on board last night to help my son the best that they could.

Commenter: Swing and a miss on the partner choice there. Oh well. You’re obviously NTA for taking a small child to the doctor for a potentially serious head injury. I’m sorry for the other issues you’ll be facing between now and your divorce. This can’t be the only thing fiancé is wildly reckless about. You could always not marry him, but knowing Reddit, I have a feeling you’ll conclude, “oh, he’ll change,” even though literally no one ever changes. At all. Ever.

OOP: I see your point there for sure. He’s certainly not an abusive father by any means and he does love his sons very much. I think he was just raised differently because as a child he tried comparing it to a time he had a head injury so bad his head bled and he passed out. Not one adult took him to the hospital. So I guess he thought that was normal? From now on if there’s any emergencies (God forbid) I’ll be going solo. I don’t need to feel guilt on top of my nauseating concern.

Commenter: NTA. Better safe than sorry. Your fiancé is a reckless asshole though. 

OOP: He does get our son hyped up. It makes me happy to see them playing, but crap like this always happens when he rough houses with him. I love my fiancé so much and he’s a great father. I just wish he’d play more gently with him and not get mad when his actions indirectly cause a hospital trip.

(different commenter): The rough play definitely needs to stop. I have to have a talk with him after this event for sure.

Commenter: He’s not a great father. Denying a small child medical care for head trauma is not being a great father.

OOP: He did say “let’s just keep an eye on him for a few hours to see if we need to go” but it was close to bedtime and I couldn’t wait. And he did seem off to me so I felt it was the right thing. I think he just feels like that’s my knee jerk reaction to everything. Which has only happened one other time when thought he swallowed a coin and the Dr’s office told us to go in because they had a case once where the coin got stuck and the child needed surgery in their throat. That’s the only reason we went. Because the Dr told us to. So I can see your point for sure.

Commenter: You were right to be concerned about a  possible concussion after that fall?! Your toddler can’t articulate all of the things he’s feeling, and you saw the signs that he was in pain and not his self.

Your fiancé’s response to your logical concerns is problematic.  Why hesitate if you have insurance, especially in case of a head injury that can have long term consequences?! Thank goodness your toddler is ok. NTA 

OOP: I’m starting to feel like there’s something really wrong here with my fiancés logic. It is worrisome. I even cried asking “why aren’t you as worried as I am about this?” And he said he was but his behavior showed otherwise.

There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but comments were a majority NTA

Update Post: May 28, 2024 (Next Day)

I got a lot of support from you all on the verdict. I want to say thank you first and foremost. It eased my mind to know that I wasn’t just being an overreacting mom.

Our son is back to his energetic self and doing well. Of course he fell again when I whipped out a diaper to change him and ran from me screaming with laughter. Luckily he caught himself with his hands. I don’t know what I’m going to do about this crazy kid.

There were a lot of comments saying my fiancé is a red flag and I can understand from that one scenario that he seemed to be at the time a big… dick to say the least. I wanted to reiterate that he’s actually a really great father. He’s been stressing about money because of the new baby and working 6 days a week, beaten by the elements and doing heavy duty labor.

He ended up taking off from work yesterday and apologized for the way he reacted and talked to me. He felt terrible about it and spent most of the day holding our son and being grateful that he was alive. I guess my words sunk in about a wait and see attitude might have led to our son not waking up in the morning. He promised to no longer roughhouse with him anymore and gets shooken up whenever our son starts to run. I think my fiancé was a little traumatized that it was kind of his participation that led to our sons fall.

Thanks again for all the support!! Hopefully that’s the first and last ER visit our bub has. With his high energy, I’ll be crossing all of my fingers with hopefulness.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Perhaps it’s time to do something about the slippery floors? At this rate, it’s gonna happen again.

OOP: The floor wasnt slippery. He slipped on one of his magnet blocks. Yesterday he fell outside on the patio. He just runs so fast that his little legs can’t keep up with his momentum. My new rule is no running unless it’s outside on grass

Commenter: Can we all agree that the real asshole in this situation is the broken and barbaric american healthcare system which would create a financial incentive to parents to not get their child medical care after an injury?

OOP: I do agree with you there. The staff was fantastic. It’s the financial institution behind it all that pisses me off. My father couldn’t afford to the ER for a severe migraine. Fastforward 2 years and it was an aggressive cancer that ended up spreading and ending his life. If he felt he could afford it, maybe they could’ve caught it in time… the US Healthcare System is a POS