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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Kitchen-Opening-4005 on 2024-06-17 03:22:13+00:00.

Today I was walking my wonderful miniature dachshund when we reached a field. He just turned two and he’s full of energy, so I thought he could run around a bit.

He was having a blast sniffing things and playing chase with me. It wasn’t too hot. The clouds covered the blasting rays of the Sun. My dog was dashing like a headless chicken, energy I won’t have to entertain later. Life was good.

We walked a little bit and he was going ahead. He’s the parade leader. Once in a while, he’d stop and lag to inspect something. But I called him back each time, to which he paddled fast ahead again. He trapsed and trapsed, tail wagging.

He was behind again and I called him. His little face almost looked like he was smiling as he ran to my feet. I grabbed his face behind his ears and gave him a big smooch on his cheek. Instantly, I knew something was wrong. Oh, so terribly wrong.

Some sort of horrible texture coated my lips. Under my nose as well. My eyes darted to his cheek. A brown smudge covered his red fur. Right where I kissed. I held my breath, for I knew what was to come if I did so.

Alas, I was never the best in gym and couldn’t hold it for long. Inhale. A lovely layer of putrid feces air violated my airways. I felt it crawl deep inside, so much so that my very soul ached.

I looked at my dog. He looked at me, unknowing of what he’d just done. I spat on the ground and I took notice of the long walk around the lake, back to my home.

“Don’t kiss the dog, you’re going to get sick”, my mom always told me.

I raced my dog back home, covering my face from watchful neighbors. I washed my face 5 times with dish soap and rinsed my mouth out with it too. Dog was next. I will always look before I kiss him now.

TL;DR: I played with my dog in a field and when he ran up to me, I kissed him without looking. Apparently, he rolled around in poop and covered my mouth and nose with it.