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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-06-26 04:00:02+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/MushroomDense4108
AITA for putting in a claim to my late father’s death benefit
Originally posted to r/AITAH
Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: death of a parent, verbal abuse, attempted financial deception, family upheaval, ableism
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Hi, I am looking for advice.
My father passed away on the 1st of March very unexpectedly and obviously this has caused a lot of heartache.
A few days ago I received a letter through the post from a policy through his work where it was stated that my father’s sister had put in a claim for the death benefit as she was next of kin at his work. I am next of kin legally and also would like to state for the record that me and my father had an excellent relationship. She never mentioned the policy to us or wrote down on her form that my father (did not) have children which it clearly asks and instead sent the form as if she was his only relative.
The company found out that I existed only because I am the informant on his death certificate and has asked if I wish to make a claim. I contacted my aunt about this and she has doubled down and said that my father would have wanted her and her alone to receive this large sum of money and has told me not to put in a claim.
I am putting in a claim regardless and told her this and it has caused a huge rift with her family. So much so that a cousin contacted me and said that my dad would be ashamed of me for putting in a claim and then went on to attack my autistic 24 year old brother, telling him that my father would have been ashamed of him because he was unable to carry his coffin at the funeral.
It just seems that this has gotten completely out of hand and I along with my brother are being attacked over money. Surely the company wouldn’t have contacted us if it were his wishes to give her 100%.
(Edit: I also forgot to mention that my aunt said she received an email from my dad’s workplace saying it was his wishes to gift this money to her and she had a signed document from him saying this, but when I asked her if I could see the document she sent me a blank template of wishes from the company website which had no writing on it, no expression of wishes and no signature from my dad which is confusing.
We also told her that we may not receive anything in the final decision which we are fine with, but it potentially could be split even between me, my younger brother and her. She wasn’t happy to even consider it going three ways either. And that is where the abuse began from that side of the family.)
I just don’t know and this has been keeping me up at night with stress. AITA?
UPDATE: I phoned the company this morning and they have NO RECORD of an expression of wishes that my father wrote. Only that she was next of kin at his workplace. So she not only lied that it was my dad’s wishes for her to have this money, but she also lied that she received an email from the company stating this. The woman on the phone said you are his daughter, you have a right to make a claim. And also to tell my brother to put his claim in which he will be doing now.
ADDITIONAL INFO FROM OOP
1.
Her daughter sent my brother vile voice notes telling him that my dad would be ashamed of him because he couldn’t carry the coffin due to his autism, that he is lazy and should get a job when he can’t work and that he is a thief. It has made my brother so distraught that he is refusing to put a claim in as he thinks my father hated him when this is not true.
My dad loved the bones off my brother. Those words never left his mouth. All lies.
My dad may not be here to protect him but I am, and I’ll always protect him.
2.
My brother received an apology tonight from this vile cousin. She said she couldn’t sleep, eat or go into her work as she has been sobbing about the disgusting things she said to him. Not that this makes a difference. What she said about that beautiful boy is unforgivable.
To target her own autistic cousin about things out of his control is insane.
My father took care and adored that boy from the moment he was born until he took his last breath. I have blocked this side of the family and will never speak to them again.
I will be contacting the company again on Monday and will ask if they have a copy of these supposed wishes. I have also filled out my claim and posted it today, so hopefully I have more answers soon.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Forward-Wear7913
NTA
It’s just ridiculous that your aunt thinks she should get the money instead of her brother’s children.
Did your father have a will and an executor?
I would be worried that she’s also getting her hands on other property that doesn’t belong to her
OOP
I’m glad I’m not crazy for thinking the same thing.
No my father didn’t leave a will as he said to me a couple of months before he passed that everything would be going to me and my brother anyway. Obviously he didn’t plan for this chaos to follow. I’m currently in the process of becoming executor of the estate and all details are already with a solicitor. I am in Scotland, so the process takes a while.
However this death benefit falls outside the lines of his estate and is classed as a separate benefit altogether. I have been informed by one of his good friends and work mates that workmen at the site my dad was employed at were trying to find beneficiaries as they didn’t have a note of one which makes me think that she has been lying.
I have sent across an email to his employment asking for documentation of these supposed wishes he had filled out. Hopefully I hear more on Monday as probably won’t get a reply on a weekend.
Update Apr 29, 2024
I just thought I would post an update to the absolute hell that me and my brother have been put through in regards to my late father’s death benefit.
I phoned the company today and they have told me that my father had NO expression of wishes form. So not only did my aunt lie about being the beneficiary on his expression of wishes form, but she also just blatantly lied about even receiving an email with these details. They do not exist. She was only listed as a next of kin through his work, not as a beneficiary. She is not entitled to a thing as she claimed she was, and so the hurt and confusion both me and my brother have suffered was for nothing.
I don’t understand how our own family could put us through this, but people are right when they say snakes come out of the woodwork when a death happens in the family.
My brother was not going to put in a claim but now he is. I hope she feels the guilt ripping through her not only for this, but for the disgusting things her daughter said to my autistic brother.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
mustang19671967
Remember a lawyer is your friend if you need help I’m in a different country so our laws are different
OOP
The laws are different here in Scotland. I am executor of his estate but this death benefit falls outwith this, so it is up to the company to deal with claims and split benefits. A lawyer wouldn’t touch this, not that we need one now that we are aware of the truth.
IceBlue
If you’re the executor why couldn’t you get into his house when your aunt could? You should sue to get the items back or the value of the items if she sold them.
OOP
I could get into his house but I have my own house. I let her stay in his house as a kind gesture so she could stay the night in preparation for the funeral. And then when we went in a month later to sort some of his things, that’s when we realised what had been taken.
We did pull her up about it and she was crying down the phone saying she just wanted to keep things for her brother’s memory. So I left it at that, even though I knew it was wrong somehow I felt guilty. And now I realise she has been manipulative from the start.
~
Whose_my_daddy
I’m so sorry you have such disgusting family. Cut them off, even get restraining orders if necessary. Be sure the rest of the family knows what they did. Just curious: there’s no hint of foul play, is there?
OOP
I’ve cut ties with them all. The only decent one out of the bunch is her son/my older cousin who has been nothing but respectful and is also horrified at what she’s done. No definitely not, unfortunately my dad was ill with diabetes for a few years then got the flu while at work and it caused his heart to stop while in hospital receiving treatment. No foul play, just a horrible illness that stole him from us.
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Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dophfl/aita_for_putting_in_a_claim_to_my_late_fathers/
Whose_my_daddy
I’m so sorry you have such disgusting family. Cut them off, even get restraining orders if necessary. Be sure the rest of the family knows what they did. Just curious: there’s no hint of foul play, is there?
OOP
I’ve cut ties with them all. The only decent one out of the bunch is her son/my older cousin who has been nothing but respectful and is also horrified at what she’s done. No definitely not, unfortunately my dad was ill with diabetes for a few years then got the flu while at work and it caused his heart to stop while in hospital receiving treatment. No foul play, just a horrible illness that stole him from us.
ADDITIONAL INFO ON THE AUNT
My aunt also went into my dad’s house as she was staying in there for the funeral before travelling home again. But in that short space of time, she had taken several money boxes he had used for spare change. We don’t even know how much were in them, but they were STACKED with change. She took his guitar, his amp, his kitchen knives, his iPad and one of his leather jackets that my brother wanted to keep.
We couldn’t even enter the house to look at anything never mind take things. It was only a month after the funeral that we were able to go in the house and see what had been taken without permission. She has been horrible since the start.
I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather, families can be ruthless.
&
We cancelled his bank card the day he died, however I know when we were visiting him in hospital she had his wallet and gave it to me. When he was still alive on a ventilator she told us we should take his card to use for fuel payments for going back and forth to hospital.
We obviously DID NOT do this especially since he was dying and could not consent. She gave me the wallet that day. Once I am executor, I will be seeing if she used his card in the days leading up to his passing and I will be filing a police report if there are any charges to the card in the period she had hold of it.
FINAL COMMENT FROM OOP ON THE SITUATION
They are already blocked. I don’t be speaking to them ever again.
NEW UPDATE Update 2 June 19, 2024
AITA for putting in a claim to my late father’s death benefit UPDATE
Original post
Hi everyone, I just thought I would give an update on the situation.
My aunt put in a claim to receive my father’s death benefit from his workplace in April behind our backs and stated that my father had written wishes for his money to go to her and her only. She said she had a copy of an email with his signature signing over 100% of this to her but when asked she never sent us a copy of these supposed wishes.
We later found out this was a lie, there were no wishes and the only reason she was able to put in a claim was because she was listed as next of kin at his workplace. Not as a beneficiary of any kind. This caused a huge rift within the family (you will see details from the original post, and also a second post on my profile) and ultimately ruined relationships that will never be repaired.
Even when we offered to split it three ways, she wasn’t having it and doubled down on the fact this money was hers. Then her family began attacking us over social media.
My brother and I received nasty abuse as we put in a claim, were told my dad would be disappointed in us, that he would be ashamed and that the payment was to go solely to her. My brother who is autistic was told he was disgusting for not carrying my dad’s coffin, even though this emotionally would have destroyed him beyond repair. He was told he was nothing like my dad and that my dad called him “a shit son” which is a LIE. He is an amazing young man, and my dad would have been proud of him for even being able to attend the funeral. And also for cutting his hair for the first time in 11 years to make our dad proud. I’ve reminded him of this as these nasty words have stayed with him, causing him emotional turmoil thinking that my dad hated him. He is getting better emotionally now with support from me, my mum and close family friends and realises our dad had nothing but love for him.
Well, after a couple of stressful months I’m happy to say that my brother and I received everything, and she got nothing. Not a penny. We have not split the money with her and will never speak to her again. My brother will live comfortably now, and will be taken care of which is what my dad really would have wanted.
Thank you to everyone for the support in the original post who put my mind at ease and reminding me that I was not in the wrong.
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