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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-06-26 04:02:03+00:00.
I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Alarming_Risk_1513
Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest + r/daddit
Previous BoRU #1
[New Updates]: Ex gf wants to place our baby for adoption, not sure that I can
NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ----
Trigger Warnings: unwanted pregnancy, deadbeat parenting
Editor’s Notes: due to the lengths of the earlier posts, they have exceeded the character limit. So I made a TL; DR, for each of OOP’s prior posts to the latest updates. This is in order to fit all posts in one BoRU. For the full text bodies and relevant comments from older posts, please see the previous BoRU linked
RECAP
Ex gf wants to place our baby for adoption, not sure that I can: September 17, 2023
OOP is 23M, his ex-girlfriend is 20. They met in college. He has graduated while she has 2 years left of schooling. The girlfriend is 21 weeks pregnant and would like to place the baby for adoption. OOP didn’t know she was pregnant until she reached the 14 weeks mark. GF informed OOP she wanted space to make her decisions and chose not to tell him until after 3 months.
Once OOP was informed of the pregnancy, he has the guilt on the fact he got his ex-GF pregnant. Said he would support her decisions on what she wants to do next. The thoughts of fatherhood and panic has kicked in a bit for OOP. When he was told of the possible adoption, OOP feels sick and wondering if it was the right thing to do for the ex to consider about. He doesn’t think he could consent to the adoption idea, and it was getting uncomfortable for him for days. OOP wonders if he was in the right mind and position to be a single father if the ex-GF doesn’t want to be part of the baby’s life.
Update #1: September 22, 2023 (Five days later)
After getting lots of advice and thoughts from the original post, OOP comes back to share lots of thoughts he had on the details about his ex-girlfriend wanting to give their baby up for adoption once the birth happens. He has been having regular communication with her about adoptions and if he agrees on this before the next steps would be taken. OOP is still struggling with the facts on his ex-GF not wanting to be a mother. He started to have second thoughts about the adoptions because he felt uncomfortable about having other people raising his child if the adoption goes through.
Ex-GF thinks OOP is being insane for wanting to take the single father path. OOP’s mother said she would support his decision even if she was unsure if he knew what he was doing.
Update #2 - September 29, 2023 (Seven days later)
OOP has another update. He chose the solo custody of his child and won’t be consenting to the adoption. Has not been in the communication with his ex-GF after informing her he was against the adoption idea.
OOP is in contact with the proper people as needed to make sure he has done the legal process of being a single father. He has gone through the putative father registry (legally in a number of states) which is the sole means for establishing the right of notice. Meaning if the ex-GF tries to give the baby up for adoption, OOP would be notified immediately. He acknowledges he would to establish paternity once the baby arrives and he is doing the legal route as needed.
Ex-GF is still not speaking with OOP, but he will talk with a lawyer in order to deal with the communications when necessary regarding the custody of the baby. She is being stubborn per OOP because she still didn’t want to be a mother and wanted OOP to sign over his rights to give the baby up right away. OOP is choosing to give ex-GF time and space to process the whole thing because she is not willing to do a prenatal paternity test to confirm OOP is indeed the father.
OOP gives his thanks to the redditors for comments on his prior posts. They have provided significant information for him to consider about and how to move forward with his decisions on being a single father. Noting that ex-GF is close to 23 weeks and the due date is far away, OOP mentions the ex-GF has been doing the interviews with adoptive families. OOP is already looking into what steps to take in order to support himself and his child once the baby is born. Working on budgeting and saving money and checking for childcare and other necessities.
Advice needed for soon to be single dad of newborn - October 15, 2023 (almost 3 weeks later)
OOP posted on a different sub regarding being a single dad and asked for advice. He gave a recap on his prior posts. Ex-GF’s pregnancy was unplanned, but OOP and she broke up before she told him at 14 weeks mark. She didn’t know she was pregnant, still very young at 20 and in college. OOP, 23, already has graduated and started working remotely with a company for few months now.
After ex-GF told OOP about her pregnancy, she was all for adoptions, but he wasn’t. OOP has tried to convince himself on the adoption being the best option, but could not. He decided to take the legal steps and go onto the single fatherhood path of his life. Working on creating plans for his future with his baby girl, such as childcare and other important necessities.
OOP took care of the legal proceedings as needed, talking with a lawyer to cover his bases as a single parent. Ex-GF is mad at OOP for ruining her ideal adoption plans. Wanted him to consent so she could give the baby up. OOP is trying not to make things too hard for ex-GF, but he could not stick with the thoughts on adoptions. OOP has support from family and friends. First one in his friends group to have a child, they think he’s crazy, but respecting his decisions.
My daughter was born on New Year’s Day and I just found out: January 6, 2024 (3 months later)
The baby girl arrived on New Year’s Day. OOP wasn’t informed of her birth until 5 days later. He is upset because he wanted to come to the hospital to provide support. Was disappointed that he didn’t get to see his daughter at her birth. Recaps the details on having broken up with ex-GF before he was informed of her pregnancy. Both now live in different states during ex-GF’s pregnancy.
OOP reviews the details from his prior posts. He and ex-GF were not on the same page of placing the baby for adoption. He decided he would be the single father and raise his baby. Ex-GF still didn’t want to be a parent; and has no plans to be involved in the baby’s life. OOP has been working for the past few months to get ready for the fatherhood along with taking legal steps as needed. Ex-GF didn’t want OOP to be in the delivery room and said she would let him know when it was time.
Ex-GF sent OOP a picture of their daughter, which she wasn’t due for another few weeks, but healthy and only had to spend an extra day at the hospital. The baby went home with ex-GF and her parents before OOP could bring her home with him. OOP informed ex-GF if she changes her mind on being a mother, he is willing to move closer so he can help take care of the baby.
OOP had to make changes to his plans after learning of his daughter’s early arrival and the unexpected timing. Was going to have his mother coming along to pick up his daughter. OOP’s sister would be accompanying him to see the baby. He is relieved to know that he has done the legal processes and can speak with his lawyer if there are changes to be made regarding the custody of his daughter between himself and the ex-GF.
Update: February 3, 2024
OOP has a new update. He has been home with his daughter for a few days already and getting settled. After his daughter’s early birth, he and his sister traveled to meet the baby. Ex-GF’s family is having the hard time with the details on OOP having the solo custody instead of placing the baby for adoption. OOP shares the fact which ex-GF still didn’t want to be involved in the baby’s life. He lets his ex know that if she changes her mind, he is willing to work out a plan regarding their daughter.
Since OOP wasn’t be able to be at the hospital within 3 days of his daughter’s birth, he had to take care of legal documents to record the baby’s last name and deal with a paternity affidavit. Ex-GF signed everything and has given a first and middle name to the baby. OOP had no problems with that. Regarding custody, OOP explains about the paternity affidavit which allows him and ex-GF to agree joint legal custody. He had to submit a paternity test to the court which was a part of the affidavit. Ex-GF confirms she wants OOP to have full legal and physical custody of the baby, but the form allows them to establish joint legal custody due to the laws in the state where ex-GF lives in.
Since the baby is here, OOP has taken the proper steps with the help from his lawyer to do the appropriate paperwork for the court to amend the changes made. OOP will have physical custody because he is now the primary caregiver. Ex-GF has acknowledged the necessary process of taking care of…
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