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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-06-28 04:01:04+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/MadamCupKake

My boyfriend took “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” way too literally.

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

TRIGGER WARNING: alcoholism, infidelity, verbal abuse, gaslighting

Original Post  June 18, 2024

Hi all. So my boyfriend (26M) and I (23F) had recently planned a trip to Las Vegas with a few of our other couple friends. There  were supposed to be a total of 6 of us, but due to my shitty job, they denied my request off, and I unfortunately was unable to go. I wouldn’t have cared so much about just missing work anyways to be honest, but I had just recently gotten this job. Anyways, when I found out that I wasnt able to go, I was understandly upset and didn’t really want my boyfriend to go either. Call me selfish, but I didn’t want to sit at home alone while my boyfriend and our other friends were enjoying their time on a trip I was supposed to be on as well. We argued a bit for a few days about him going, and I eventually gave in and said he can just go. We had set (in my eyes; we sat down and had a conversation) very clear boundaries about what was and what was not okay to do regarding girls, strip clubs, etc.

Some of my boundaries were: In strip clubs, looking is allowed, money is okay to be thrown obviously because this is how these women make their money, no touching/grinding/dancing with other women, no talking to women in a flirting/suggestive way, no giving out your phone number to girls, and the obvious no kissing other people or having sex with them. There were some others that I don’t think are that relevant to the story. He agreed to all these and we have a pretty good trust (most of my anger was coming from that fact that I wasn’t able to go and have fun with them).

So, when they went on the trip I was just sad and feeling bad for myself the whole time, but called my boyfriend every day to see what they were doing that day and if they were having fun. I didn’t suspect anything at all, our friends acted normal as did he.

When he got back, one of our friends in our group, we’ll call her Sarah, had pulled me aside to let me know that my boyfriend had in fact been grinding on women, taking them back to the airbnb and doing god knows what with them. She said she had never heard anything that indicated they’d done something sexual… but I’m not stupid, and I think she was trying to make the situation seem less severe. Needless to say, I freaked out immediately and confronted my boyfriend, who adamantly denied everything as I had expected. I called the rest of our friend group behind his back to confirm, and every single one of them had said the same thing: almost every night he would get piss drunk (not the problem) and bring home a girl, sometimes 2, and bring them to his bedroom and shut the door. None of them admitted to hearing anything sexual either. Again, not sure if I believe them. I have no proof but a gut feeling in my stomach tells me something further than just hanging out or cuddling happened.

Regardless, I confronted my boyfriend, saying I was getting fed up with him lying to me. He kept denying until he eventually fessed up and admitted everything, but seemed genuinely confused as to why i was mad, stating that “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” I literally stood there with the most shocked face. I explained that we set these boundaries for a reason and that saying is JUST a saying and should not be taken literally, especially if you’re in a relationship. Am I wrong here?? Like what??

There’s not much more to add. We’ve been going back and forth for almost 2 days over this. I know he’s not stupid. He is literally studying to be a clinical psychologist. I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that he genuinely believes in that saying and thinks it’s a pass for his actions. I started contemplating whether hes manipulating or gaslighting me. If he is, I think it’s working. I don’t know what to believe. If he genuinely believes that that phrase holds any meaning, what should I do? Should I leave him or try to work it out? This whole situation is turning me off from him. It feels childish, like a child trying so hard to convince their parents that they didn’t know something they absolutely did know. In both scenarios, whether he genuinely believed that was a thing or that he’s just using it as an excuse, I’m extremely turned off. Part of me wants to work it out with him because we have been together for 3 years. I don’t want to throw 3 years away because of something that happened on a vacation… but I’m just so torn right now.

Thank you for reading and sorry for the very long post and typos if there are any, it’s 3am and I’ve been keeping myself awake thinking about this.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP respondingto someone mocking why she hasnt broken up with him

Hey there! Thanks for thinking you know my entire relationship from a reddit post! You sound a lot like the person you’re telling me to break up with. Especially telling me I have no self respect!

I’ve been with this man for 3 years. He helped me through a LOT of trauma, moved across the country to be with me, was the only one that stayed around during my drug addiction, laid at my bedside after my attempt, so I apologize if it’s a little hard for me to leave him when he’s been my main support system for 3 years.That may not seem like a long time to you, but i’m 23 years old. 3 years is a lot for me.

Also, If you had read my entire post, you would see that my edits say that I am literally in the process of leaving him. I can’t just kick him out on the spot lol. I mean I can, but I don’t want to stoop  to his level. I want to give him a chance (just the day) to get his shit and leave before I sell it or burn it.

You’re being an asshole lol.

EDIT 1.

EDIT: Thank you all for the comments. I am genuinely taking all the advice and suggestions. I just woke him up to what he called an “argument” but I called it “sick of his bullshit” It’s over for us. Will update as the process goes on. Thanks all again for all the supportive and helpful comments🙏🏽❤️

RELEVANT COMMENTS

FantasticAnus

He cheated on you. He’s apparently dumb as a brick or attempting to gaslight you over a phrase nobody should take seriously. He broke the boundaries you carefully laid down with him.

This is over, surely? Even beyond the cheating, the guy just seems gross.

Three years probably seems like a lot, but if you stick around you’re going to remember that you had the chance to take your exit when he showed his ass at three years, and you’re going to be so annoyed that you stuck with him.

OOP

It is over. Absolutely.

It is 7am and I’ve woken him up, telling him that he needs to start getting his belongings together as I no longer feel comfortable living under the same roof as him.

We split rent, but my name is on the lease, I pay all the utilities, internet, etc., so I will have no problem being able to afford this apartment on my own, but he is already trying to start problems about moving out. Some more “I seriously didn’t know” and “I love you, if I wanted them I would have stayed there blah blah blah” bullshit.

I already know that’s bullshit because I constantly have people clowning me for not making him pay anything, soo I know not many people would go to the lengths that I try to, to make sure he’s taken care of.

He’s a full time college student at a private university (his family lives out of state so he has no family here but mine, but they have never really cared for him) , doing an internship at the moment so I sure hope he can find somewhere to live and a way to survive without living off his girlfriend🤟🏽

hannahryder215

Good for you! He should have money saved up to get a place with roommates or whatnot.

Either way, it’s not your concern.

He decided to CHEAT on you and then GASLIT you the entire time.

Stay strong and don’t accept his platitudes. Don’t let him stay “until he finds a place”. Be firm.

OOP

Tell me why he just stormed out like a little boy after HE cussed ME out and called me a whore!! For what?? Like I’ve been sitting on my ass for a week, waiting for him to come back. I have been working, coming home, cleaning and sleeping. I don’t have time to be a whore.

I’ve genuinely never seen him act like this in the 3 years we’ve been together. It’s kind of scary. Honestly, a terrible mistake for him cause I literally locked the door as soon as he left. I’m gathering all his shit right now just in a trash bag and putting it outside my door. I’m not sure if i’ll have another chance to get him out. Once he’s in, he’s in.🙄

EDIT: We share a set of keys to our apartment and I have them.

~

yellowbin74

What annoys me is that …

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