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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/swtogirl on 2024-06-28 15:33:17+00:00.
I am not OOP. OOP is u/5p1n5t3rr1f1c and they posted on r/EntitledPeople
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Potluck Eraser December 7, 2023
So I run a company-wide, year-long Secret Santa. It’s to help with morale in the workplace, about 30 people out of 200 participate. Next week is the reveal party, where the group will find out who had who. The group also wanted the party to be a potluck, so I created a potluck sheet.
One of the nicest and most introverted ladies, let’s call her Rose, signed up for bringing all the plates, napkins, cups, plastic wear before Thanksgiving. Which is fantastic, all of us are from different departments so that stuff is needed.
About 3 days ago, another lady, let’s call her Karen, put herself down as bringing the non perishables, erased what Rose put down (but not Rose’s name), and also added that “I have a lot left over from my daughter’s birthday”.
I’ve never seen anyone erase other people’s entries on a potluck sheet.
So I call Rose. After much apologizing on my part for Karen’s bad behavior, Rose decided to be the bigger person and bring chips and dip. Unfortunately neither of us want to confront Karen. If karen actually receives a satisfactory come-uppance in the future, I’ll let you guys know.
Relevant Comments:
Karens keep karening because nobody says anything. As the organizer, it was your responsibility to say, “Rose actually already purchased her contribution. Please choose something else.”
(Technically, as long as you don’t elaborate, this is not a lie. I’m sure Rose contributed to something prior and therefore had “already purchased”. Karen doesn’t need to know you’re referencing different things.)
OOP:
I agree with you. But this situation is difficult because Karen is in a not-quite supervisory position to both Rose and I. She’s not in the boss-line for either of us but she’s at that level.
At my work we use “signup genius” for potluck stuff. Only the “owner/creator” of the event can adjust names that aren’t their own. Might be a solution for next time.
This happened to me one time for a company potluck, someone crossed out what I was going to bring, and wrote something else in. Which I didn’t see until the day of the potluck. Then they got all butt hurt that I didn’t provide what they wrote I should bring.
This is where I would be petty and passive aggressive. I would get with Rosa and some other people from the group I thoroughly trusted and make a plan. At different times during the party have Rosa is talking to or near Karen. Then each of you walk up to Rosa and thank her for being so kind to bring everything erased and Karen brought instead, making sure Karen hears. They must turn and walk away and pretend they don’t hear Rosa telling them “Oh it wasn’t me. I brought chips.”
Now I ideally Rosa shouldn’t be changing what she’s bringing and Karen should be addressed immediately and told what she did was unacceptable and she needs to sign up for something else .
Update December 14, 2023
The potluck was today and went off well. Somehow 18 people sharing food always turns into a couple of days of leftovers, we are a generous bunch. The Karen did bring things, sort of. She got caught up in work and so 5 minutes after the official start of the potluck at high noon I went to her cube and retrieved the paper goods.
She gave me a 1’ by 1’ by 2’ basket, half full. Not a lot of paper goods. Like, a “why bother” amount of paper goods that made me worry if I was going to have to go scrounging for plates. Truly, I would not have called the amount “a plethora”. But everyone made do and we had a good time.
Rose only attended virtually through Teams (the company is spread over three towns and she chose to not be where the party was), as she has social anxiety and later told me that she didn’t feel like she could face Karen. I tried to be supportive leading up to the potluck, told Rose I’d be by her side, and that she could bring what she wanted or nothing at all, and that I had the room a half hour before the potluck started so that she could get her stuff in first. But I couldn’t give her enough courage, and I’m sorry about that.
When it was clear that Rose wasn’t coming in person, I made sure to publicly thank her profusely during the Secret Santa reveal and point out her support of other people and her caring nature. I used all the flowery language I could think of for about a minute and a half, which is a little out of character for me. Rose got a nice round of applause from the group.
I really, really hope the attention on Rose made Karen feel like crap. I’d like to tell you that Karen’s expression soured…but in all honesty that’s what she looks like all the time.
The person who is taking over the Secret Santa for me, let’s call him Karl, also attended, and after the potluck I let him know exactly what happened, showed him the history of the Excel sheet as you guys suggested. He was shocked. I advised him to not have Rose and Karen be partnered in 2024’s Secret Santa, and also to take precautions as to future sign-up sheets if Karen was involved. He agreed.
Karl also happens to be one of the biggest gossips in the company. I’m sorry but it’s true, the three quickest forms of communication in my company are Teams calls, emails, and just tell Karl. I’m pretty confident that word of Karen’s bad behavior will make its way up the ranks. I know that this probably isn’t the exciting ending you guys wanted to read for this…but given the personalities involved, letting karma do its thing seemed like the best choice.
Thanks for reading.
Relevant Comments:
“Quickest forms of communication in my company are Teams Calls, Emails, and Just Tell Karl.” LMAO
“You know, telephone, telegraph, tell-a-Carrie … If you really wanted to get something out fast, you’d ask Carrie to keep it in her confidence. Then out it would go.”
– Mark Hamill
wlfwrtr (heavily downvoted):
Of course you couldn’t give her enough courage to come because when she needed you to step up for her you didn’t even try. I understand you were afraid to but that doesn’t lessen the knowledge that Rose can’t count on you.
OOP:
I didn’t say anything to Karen because it would not have changed anything. I could have gone up to her and said “I saw you changed Rose’s entries on the sign-up sheet and Rose said you didn’t discuss it with her and that made her feel unappreciated. Please don’t do that again.” And her response would probably be “but I had extra stuff I wanted to get rid of.”
Because that’s how she is, Rose and I are not important enough for Karen to listen to or consider. We’re not full people to her. We’re support staff.
I’m choosing my battles. But I see your point. When I’m sure Rose and I won’t suffer undue repercussions, I’ll admonish Karen. But I have a feeling that the workplace rumor mill will punish her more than I ever could.