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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-06-29 04:02:43+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Hot-Fly-1091. They posted in r/AITAH

Thanks to u/BecauseMyCatSaidSo for the rec!

Mood Spoiler: frustrating all around; maybe some hope?

Original Post: June 18, 2024

Hi. I am posting this here after it got removed from AITA because there is going to be an update after my wife comes home I think.

I just got married. My wife, Tonya, basically raised her sister, Marie, after their mom passed away. Even after their dad remarried Tonya and her sister were more mom/daughter than sisters.

Marie got married last year and she got pregnant right away. No not before. They figure they got pregnant on their honeymoon.

Marie went into premature labor at our wedding reception. She gave birth to a tiny but healthy baby girl. And for some reason Tonya decided that she needed to go take care of her.

We were supposed to leave for our honeymoon two days after our wedding but Tonya said she couldn’t just leave. She isn’t a doctor or a nurse. Marie has a dad, a stepmom, a husband, a mother and father in law. I don’t understand why she had to go.

But we had nonrefundable tickets. And insurance didn’t cover “I have to stay and take care of my sister” as part of the coverage. Plus I had booked two weeks off for my wedding and honeymoon.

So since I was going to be home by myself doing nothing while my wife was in another city doing whatever I went on the honeymoon by myself.

I got a massive bed all to myself. I used all the resort credits that were for couples massages, romantic excursions, and special meals on deep sea fishing and a dune buggy tour of the island.

I just got back and my wife is still with her sister. But she is upset that I went on our honeymoons by myself.

Was I supposed to let the money go to waste? Was I supposed to sit at home playing Diablo while I waited for her to be done?

We are fighting about it. My friends all agree that I would have been dumb to waste the money and my time off.

Her friends think I was a dick to go enjoy myself while she was taking care of her sister and a new baby.

I will add that there was no place for me to stay at Marie’s house. Tonya is sleeping in the nursery since the baby is still in NICU.

Relevant Comments (OOP engaged with a few heavily downvoted people. Everyone was talking in circles, so I did not include those sets of comments here)

More on baby:

Baby was just over a month premature and just under four pounds. I think all preemies go into some sort of special unit. 

Commenter: So what did your wife want you to do? And did she share with you how she felt before you left?

Based on your brief post, your wife is NTA for feeling like she had to stay for her sister, you’re NTA for going on an unrefundable trip alone, and you’re both TA for not understanding each other - you for not understanding that she felt like she had to stay, and her for not saying that there is nothing for you to do with her sister’s situation and understanding that you went.

And you better book another honeymoon, and hopefully this will be a trip for two!

OOP: She told me to go home. 600 miles away. 

Commenter (downvoted): YTA for the dismissive way you are describing the situation and the total lack of empathy. Instead of being understanding about her emotions about this whole situation and giving some grace you just had to run to Reddit so the terminally online dorks will urge you to get a divorce. 

I probably would have gone on the trip myself, I don’t even disagree there. But the total contempt you have for your wife is asshole behavior.

OOP: We had our wedding in her home town specifically so her sister could attend. My family and friends had to come from Colorado to Iowa for my wedding. I went out of my way to accommodate her family. Her sister told her to go on the honeymoon. But yeah I’m dismissive. 

Commenter (downvoted): “Was I supposed to let the money go to waste? Was I supposed to sit at home playing Diablo while I waited for her to be done?”

Yes

OOP: Pass 

Update Post: June 22, 2024 (4 days later)

The baby, Emily, is home and healthy. Just tiny.

My sister in law kicked my wife out the day the baby came home. Tonya wouldn’t let her do anything. Marie told her that she had plenty of help. Tonya said she didn’t mind sticking around. Marie told her that her and her husband did have a problem with it. Marie also told all her relatives that if Tonya was staying with them they weren’t allowed over until she left.

Tonya asked if would mind if she rented an Airbnb so she could stay nearby. I said I would prefer if she came home. We had an argument. I said that we should just not actually get married if this was going to be my life.

Tonya came home to fight face to face.

We had the fancy wedding and reception in Iowa for her family. We were going to get “officially” married in Colorado after we got back from the honeymoon.

She wants to know why I’m having second thoughts. I showed her the original post and how almost 50% of the comments were calling for an annulment.

I said we are both young and can walk away without losing much. All the gifts are in her dad’s garage and they are easy enough to return.

I said that there was no way I was going to out up with being the third wheel in our marriage.

She has agreed to start going to counseling and we are going to hold off on getting nthe paperwork settled for one year to give her a chance to decide what she wants. If she says that her sister comes first after one year then I’m out.

That’s all. No more drama.

Thanks for everyone who told me where I stood. I love Tonya but I love myself too. Everyone who said I was an asshole for not understanding why she was needed can suck it.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: Sorry, but if she needs a year to figure out if she wants to be your wife, you’re better off walking away now.

OOP: I’m giving her a year to get therapy instead of ending it with a woman I love. 

Commenter: NTA, but to confirm, are you registering the marriage or waiting a year to register it?

OOP: Waiting a year. We will have to get a new wedding license. 

(to a different commenter): We are not legally married.