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The original was posted on /r/exmormon by /u/MissyLissy94 on 2024-07-04 02:27:12+00:00.

I made covenants with him and the promised blessings of those covenants are that I would have the spirit with me, that he would be there for me, that I would be protected spiritually, I tried so so hard. I prayed so earnestly. I would take anything, any answer, any life line, and at the end of the day, when I needed him most, at my most vulnerable, he was silent. I needed a spiritual witness that the church was true. Because I couldn’t do the mental gymnastics anymore. The inconsistencies, the homophonic, racist, misogynistic ideals, I can’t get over them.

Does God just not care? Does my salvation not matter to him? After everything I’ve done in his name, he’s just gonna leave me hanging when I need him the most?

No loving father would do that. And I’m mad.

I wanted it to be true so bad. So so bad. I still hope that I can find a way to come back. To unsee the man behind the curtain. But I can’t. And I know it gets easier (I’ve been out a few months) but for right now, it’s just SO hard.

Thanks for listening to my sad rant. I don’t have many places to feel these things publically. I just need people to understand that I didn’t want to leave. My beliefs were stripped from me. Leaving me empty.