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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-07-05 04:00:03+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Worth_Tip_4877

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for telling my aunt her child is a “spoiled brat” and it’s entirely her fault?

Thanks to u/soayherder + u/queenlegolas + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: manipulation, verbal abuse

Original Post: June 6, 2024

My (23F) aunt (41F) that I will call Karen has been married to my uncle (43M) for a little over a year. She had a daughter (12F) that I will call Emily, from a previous relationship and my uncle always treated her like his own daughter, even though he only came into her life when she was 9, because she never really had a father figure growing up.

When their relationship got serious, my uncle introduced both of them to our family, and ever since they have been present at most gatherings and family holidays. I never liked Karen, because she was always very demanding and would always force people around her to do what she wanted. She never had any respect for anyone, but that’s another story. Just to give some examples: she would always show up late to events or just not come at all, and when I say late I mean like 45 minutes to an hour late, even when people told her it was important to be on time, and never apologized for it, she always asked other people to do things for her, like go get something, go to the shop, or just anything that she didn’t want to do, and never took no for an answer, and that’s just some of it. She has said multiple times that she expects to be “treated like a princess”.

My family always found her impolite and disrespectful, but we didn’t really say anything because my uncle seemed happy with her, so good for him. The real problem however, was her daughter. I can’t begin to explain all the disrespectful and entitled things that she has done, but I will try and list some of them.

When she was first introduced to us, I was 20, and would normally sit at the adults’ table. She however decided that it was unfair that I got to sit with the adults and she didn’t, so she demanded that either she could sit with the adults or I came back to the children’s table. Just to remind you: she was 10 at the time. Instead of explaining to her that I was an adult and she was a child and therefore we did not sit at the same table, my aunt told me to go with the children. When I said that I didn’t want to, especially because children were between 7 and 14 and I was much older, she said that if I was so immature that I didn’t want to switch tables, I didn’t deserve to be at the adults’ table. Ever since then, she made sure that I was seated with children.

Her daughter would always ask me to go play with her, even when I was doing something else or working, and when I said no she would throw tantrums. Her mother always yelled at me for “making a child cry” and “not being a good cousin” and forced me to go play with her. But when I went to “play” with her, Emily would only ask me do to things for her, like go make her a snack, or dress her dolls for her, and would throw a tantrum if I didn’t.

She would always steal my stuff, especially my makeup and clothes. When I told her not to, because 1. she didn’t ask for permission, and 2. she was too young to use makeup, she once again threw fits and her mother forced me to “be generous”. She ruined a lot of my stuff and when I got mad my aunt just said that she was “just a child”.

For some reason, she was always very jealous of me. Everything I had and she wanted she demanded I gave it to her. When I got my bachelor’s degree, my family threw a party to congratulate me, but she got angry that she didn’t have all the attention, and a party for her, so my aunt threw the exact same party, at the same place, the next day. Every present I had she would ask her mom for, and eventually get. She would make every event about her, even my birthdays. I tried to let it slide and be patient with her, and I try to tell myself that she was “just a child”, but her behavior didn’t seem to change as she grew up. If anything, she was becoming even more entitled.

My last straw was two days ago. We were celebrating my birthday. I was born at the beginning of May, but we waited until June to celebrate to make sure that we would have good weather, as we had planned to have a birthday party in my grandparents’ garden. As soon as she arrived - which was approximately 1 hour late - Emily starting complaining that we were celebrating my birthday 1 month after the real one. She claimed that if we were doing that, we could celebrate her birthday too, since she didn’t really have one because it’s close to Christmas.

To clarify, her birthday is November 29th, which is still a month before Christmas, and her mother always made a point to throw her a real party and not just group it together with Christmas. Karen would always make a very big deal of it and we always bought her very nice gifts. But she conveniently forgot about that and complained for about 10 minutes before her mother gave in and asked my grandmother to go buy another cake and candles for Emily, as we would also be celebrating her birthday.

Emily then complained that it wouldn’t be a real birthday because she had no gifts, but Karen said that people had time to go buy her something, and that if there weren’t any gifts for her we could just share mine, as I had plenty. I was furious. I went into my grandmother’s house and asked if she had any cardboard boxes that I could use. I took one and pretended to wrap it as a gift. Inside I only put one thing: a note saying “Congratulations on being such a spoiled brat! But don’t worry, it’s not your fault, your entitled mother raised you that way! Hope you enjoy your present!!”. Yes it is immature, but I just had enough. She had ruined all of the most important moments of my life for the past 3 years and I was so tired of it.

When people sang happy birthday to me, Emily and Karen made sure to sing “Happy Birthday dear Emily” instead of my name, loudly enough to cover all of the other people there. I was so angry, but I thought she wasn’t going to be smiling that way for long. I was right. As soon as she opened my present she started screaming and throwing a tantrum. When she saw what I had written, her mother started yelling at me, but I was just smiling at her the whole time. She called me many names and immediately left with Emily. My family members did not really react as no one really liked Karen or Emily. However, I have received plenty of texts from my aunt and uncle, and even some from other members of my family saying that I was a huge a-hole for ruining “a little girl’s birthday”. I did not yet reply, because I don’t really regret what I did, but I keep thinking that maybe I went too far. AITAH?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTA

Relevant Comments

OOP on needing to tell her parents and uncle about his wife’s behaviors

OOP: I agree, but the thing is, my uncle for some reason really loves Karen, and every time that someone in our family has made a comment about her being rude or disrespectful she got mad at him which just makes all of us very sad for him. The reason why my parents and I don’t say anything, or at least in front of Karen is to avoid creating problems for my uncle. Also, most of the things I said happened while my parents weren’t there to hear it and I didn’t necessarily tell them everything that Karen and Emily did or say because I did not want to create more drama in the family. + Yeah I agree, but he is very much a non confrontational person and she is his wife so he just doesn’t say anything. I don’t really blame him because, according to my dad, she has threatened him multiple time to leave and since he earns more than her and she takes care of their house well let’s just say that a divorce wouldn’t be in his favor… So yeah I somehow feel bad for him, because he really loves her and I think he would do anything to stop her from leaving. + Yeah the reason why my parents aren’t mentioned is because most of the time when things like that happened they weren’t there and I didn’t always tell them because I didn’t want to create any drama. While I am technically an adult, in the family I am still a child if that makes sense. Karen is the generation above me so in a way she has that authority. But the main reason why I complied most of the time is because otherwise she would start fights with my uncle about how his family treated her and her child and I didn’t want him to have problems as he is normally very sweet and already has to endure enough living with the both of them.

OOP on stopping inviting her uncle, his wife, and her daughter to the family events

OOP: Well my uncle and my dad are very close and they are both very close to their parents. If we stopped inviting them my grandparents would be really sad because no matter how annoying his wife is, he is still their son. Plus he is normally a very nice and sweet guy. She didn’t really force people to obey because she wouldn’t dare to do that with some people. For example …

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