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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Emerald_Encrusted on 2024-09-03 19:54:27+00:00.

Alright so this is currently ongoing and it’s getting a bit much, so I figured I’d share.

We’ve all been there, where we want to help someone. In this case, it was a guy who I’ll call Jones [M65]. I met Jones about a year ago.

He was homeless at that point already and, like a lot of homeless in our town he was stuck in the poverty loop where you have just enough government support to barely stay alive but will lose that support the instant you are anything better than “alive.” He wasn’t eligible for welfare due to not having a landlord’s agreement. He was staying alive on disability payments alone, about $400 USD/mo. He was receiving disability due to a health condition that his doctor diagnosed and gave him instructions that he couldn’t work for 2yrs, and to have bed rest as often as possible. Obviously, being homeless isn’t conducive to such treatment and recovery, so it hasn’t been going well.

There’s a housing program in our province for homeless people, and he’s first on the list to receive a unit due to his age and medical situation, but due to a lack of actual units in the area he can’t get one until Jan/Feb 2025. So his prospects were looking bleak. We had kept in contact since I had met him, every so often buying him a load of groceries or paying his phone bill. He had told us that he never drinks alcohol, is trying to quit smoking, and doesn’t use any substances. We believed this over time after getting to know him, and we started giving him cash as well on occasion to help him out.

A few weeks ago, there was a serious raining spell, almost like a mini monsoon, and Jones reached out to us because his normal hideaway had been encroached upon and he had been forced to spend the night under a bush. His shoes were soaked as were most of his possessions. He asked if we could do a laundry run and wash his clothes and shoes, which we did for him. After this event, my wife sat me down and said that she felt we should do more for Jones. She felt that “God had placed him in our life to do good,” and I don’t necessarily disagree. After talking about it we decided to offer Jones temporary shelter on our property outside of town, in a small shed. It was insulated and had enough space for him to store his things, and we put a bed in there so he could maximize his bed rest.

Jones was obviously immensely grateful for the shelter and the support. We had him at our table and gave him 3 meals a day, and ensured he had everything he needed to be comfortable. But I soon learned that he hadn’t been completely honest with us this whole time. He had alcohol in the mini fridge we put in the shed, and he told me that he drinks about 5 beers every other day. WTF? How do you even justify such a habit when you only get $400 USD/mo. I told him that we were going to make some rules if he was going to be staying with us. He said he did want to quit, so we agreed that he would taper down his drinking to only a 6-pack on the weekends.

Then he “informed me,” as if I had no say in the matter, that he was smoking weed. And that he would ensure we never smelled it (we haven’t, so however he’s doing it he’s doing it cleanly). I was taken aback and didn’t know how to respond, so I told him that as long as we never smelled it and the shed didn’t smell of it, that was fine.

After that conversation he must’ve been emboldened because he then told me that he’s still smoking cigarettes as well. Which is a huge no-no for us since it’s really unhealthy for kids and adults and second-hand and third-hand smoke is toxic as shit. He said it was because of “the stress of being homeless,” but we made the agreement that as long as he’s with us, he’s not buying any more cigarettes and the ones he has has to last. He’s also not allowed to come in the house smelling like smoke, and he’s worked on it, and where he used to smoke a pack a day he now smokes a pack every two days.

But it’s getting frustrating. He has habits we don’t approve of but it seems unfair to his personal autonomy to force him to quit them entirely. I tried to sit him down and help him with his finances, and every time I brought up ways to save him money he would “get overwhelmed” and say it’s too much for him. I offered to buy out his phone so his monthly bill would be cheaper and he said “he doesn’t understand technology.” I eventually convinced him, and e-transfered the money to him after helping him set that up with his bank (which was also something he didn’t initially want to do because “he think’s he’ll get hacked if he has e-transfer”). He called the phone service provider and the agent talked him out of paying out his phone, so now he’s just keeping the money I gave him. I offered to pay off his entire credit card debt to free him from interest payments (~$1000 USD) but I’m having second thoughts because as soon as I said that, he said, “Great! Then my credit score will be higher, and I can get a higher credit limit so I can buy myself an E-bike!” It’s classic poverty mindset.

The first 10 days he was with us he hasn’t showered, despite water being free and we gave him fresh clothes and have told him he can shower any time he likes. He kept making excuses when I challenged him on it. “My leg gets purple in the shower because of the hot water.” “Can you shower with tepid water?” “You can’t wash your hair without hot water!” “Yeah you can, I lived in Mexico and believe me, you can shower with cold water.” “[laughs] I guess I’m just too lazy so I haven’t showered.”

I’m just worried that I’m going to somehow be stuck with Jones now, and I’m starting to think that “giving him a home” was not the proper solution to a homeless man’s situation. He also has taken it on himself to invite (non-homeless) friends to visit our property without informing us in advance, and has also introduced me to other homeless people he knows who are now also asking me for money and help.

I have an out planned, since my landlord was on vacation when we took Jones in. I told Jones that in order for him to stay with us, I’ll need approval from my landlord since it’s not my property. My current plan is to inform my landlord, “Hey just so you know, a friend of mine fell on hard times and has been staying with us for a bit. Everything’s fine and he’ll be leaving us in a week or so, but since you’re the landlord I figured it makes sense for you to know about it.” Then I can go to Jones and say, “Hey, I talked to my landlord and he’s not ok with you staying with us. But before I take you back out there I’ll buy you that one-man tent you were talking about and we’ll make sure you’ve got a head start again with food and some extra funds in your bank to keep you ahead of the game.” It seems like the best approach at this point. I really hope it works, because if this backfires I could be in real trouble.

TL;DR decided to “give a homeless person a home,” and it definitely feels like he’s using us somewhat. So I have to find a way to make him homeless again, as awful as it sounds.