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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-09-14 04:00:05+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Wonderful_Class4280

Originally posted to r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC

WIBTA for asking my girlfriend to sign a prenup?

Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability

Thanks to u/queenlegolas + u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: emotional manipulation, entitlement

Original Post: September 3, 2024

Hey, so I (26m) have been dating my gf (25f) for a little over a year, and this is something my mom and some friends have mentioned to me.

I have a great job and make about $95,000 a year, have a comfortable savings of a few thousand, I own my house and 2 cars (2012 Acura MDX and 2015 cadillac ats). I also make $1,200 a month in rent. She currently works part-time at a bar. She has mentioned before about me adding her to the title of my house, to which I told her I would not as she doesn’t contribute anything to it.

I purchased my second car two months ago as the first one was paid off, i told her she could drive my old car, but she wanted me to sell it and use the money to help her buy a car for her. I also declined this request but instead offered to help her buy a cheaper car off buy and sell as I’m not sure how my new car would fair in the winter. She’s gotten really upset about those two instances. She also asks for designer handbags often ($3000), to which I say no, as I feel like it’s a waste of money. It’s not that I have a problem spending money on her as smaller gifts that are more reasonable, I have no issue with. I don’t plan on marrying her anytime soon, but would I be an asshole for asking her to sign one if we ever got married?

Edit 1, I’m also not sure if this is really an aith question, but if you know somewhere better to post this, please let me know

Edit 2, fixed punctuation. This post got a lot of comments. I’ve replied to a ton of people, but I need some rest. I’ll be replying to more tomorrow, and I will probably be having a chat with her in the coming days, I will make an update post based on what happens as well.

There is no consensus bot for this sub, OOP was voted NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: All of this would make me very uncomfortable. NTA and why didn’t you have a “finance” talk earlier?

OOP: It recently occurred to me when I asked her how much she had saved and she told me $400

Commenter 2: No. Just no. Nta. And not her!! She is a taker. Not shitting on her not having a high level job. If you had long term relationship, she was working full time, she gave in all the other ways etc then a prenup is still good. It could give more based on time and kids if that is your thing. But this right now? No way!

That said if she is really that much of an obvious taker why are you marrying her?

OOP: I told her I wanted to be on the dating stage for at least a couple of years. It feels like she wants to rush as she’s mentioned when I’ll propose, I typically shrug it off as just her excited for the potential of it.

OOP on if this is his first relationship

OOP: Yea, she was my first partner for everything. I understand spending a bit on someone for those occasions, but she told me it would make her happier after an argument because she was sad

OOP on telling his girlfriend start earning money to pay for this or that instead of spending on handbags. Where does her own money goes to

OOP: She’s been driving my older car around and recently realized gas is expensive. To me, it’s wild because I’ve driven us around for the last year and never complained about it, I did think it was weird because everyone talks about how expensive gas is and she’s only now coming to terms and appreciating how much I’ve spent on gas alone

So did I, bust she got her license last year and never worked towards getting her own car just had me drive her wherever she wanted to go

She really isn’t great with her own money her credit card is constantly maxed out and there’s always a package from sephora or shein.

She sends a little to her mom to help her out and I totally understand that part but she’ll spend $300 on clothes from an online retailer or an equal amount at sephora for skin care and other things I’ve started noticing lately that her lifestyle doesn’t match what she’s capable of

OOP’s thoughts on continuing his relationship with his girlfriend

OOP: That is something I’ve learned over the last year is she doesn’t tick many of the boxes I want from a partner, I love the outdoors, and she doesn’t. She loves the mall, and I hate crowds. I enjoy the occasional gaming session, and she thinks video games are a waste of time I could go on but there’s a million things I could list here

Update: September 6, 2024

I couldnt edit my previous post so ive deleted it and revised it here sorry if you read this already.

Hey so I was planning on doing this conversation with my girlfriend on Saturday, when neither of us need to worry about work. This is gonna be a bit longer than my original as well.

Also to the people who were saying that I’m not as rich as I think I am, I know damn well I’m not rich by any stretch of the imagination. The things I listed were to give an example as to how far out some of her requests have been.

I got home at around midnight and she got home around 3:30am after her shift at the bar. She wasn’t in the best of moods and started to say how things aren’t like they were before. I agreed with her and then asked her how long she was planning on staying at the bar and if she was going to look for a more full-time or reliable job. She told me she wants to be a realtor in a year or two and I asked her when she decided that, she told me about a week ago. I wasn’t trying to pressure her but I asked her what steps she needed to take in order to make it happen, she didn’t give me a full answer and just mentioned that she was talking to a lady who worked as a realtor who was at the bar a few weeks ago. I told her I was happy she had a goal that she was aiming for.

She then said she wanted to buy an apartment herself next year, as she wants to “live by herself for a bit” I asked her how she was going to manage getting it and she asked if I’d help her. I asked her just as an estimate if I was to help what percentage I would be contributing and she said about 80.

This is where things started to take a turn.

I said I don’t think that would be fair, as I’d she decided to sell it the money would go 50/50. She didn’t have anything to say to that, so I asked her, If you went out on your own and purchased that apartment used all the money you worked for, and then I came in married you and left, how comfortable would you be selling it?

She said she wouldn’t be comfortable with it.

I tried to explain that’s how I felt with some of the things she’s mentioned to me.

She told me the guy is supposed to provide, and while I don’t disagree with the statement, I thought back to a lot of comments on my last post of some ladies who were saying they make more than their husband, and they were for the idea of the prenup, not because he couldnt provide but as asset protection.

I also told her that some of her previous comments such as being on the deed to my house, and me selling my car to buy her one made me uneasy. She told me I was lying about the car, because she corrected me and said she asked my to trade it in for a new car for her.

This is where I asked her, what do you think of a prenup agreement for IF we get married? She started crying, saying I didn’t trust her and that I was already planning on leaving her if that’s what I had in mind. I told her that’s not the case, we can both have one I used a lot of examples people mentioned to me recently, such as her winning the lottery, getting a great job, or receiving an inheritance. It is protection for both of us. She didn’t say anything to what I said, instead just looked away and said “I’m all by myself again”.

She was still crying, she asked if I would have asked someone who made more money than her to sign one as well. I told her I don’t think I’d get married without one at this point. I brought up how the number one reason for divorce is rooted to finances and we don’t see eye to eye on anything in that field. She asked what I meant, I asked her how much she’s seen me spend on myself in the last year and after a minute of thinking she said almost nothing. I asked her if she has a closet and drawers filled to the point they don’t close or open right of clothes why she kept wanting new ones, she told me it’s for her mental health, then asked me if I even cared about her mental health. I told her I did immensely as I hate seeing her sad but also told her that spending money to try and make yourself happy is a temporary fix and it will be a repeating cycle.

This was close to 6:30am and she told me that I should get some rest before work, as I leave at 1 to drive to work. So the conversation ended there and we both tried to sleep. …

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