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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/peach_tea_drinker on 2024-09-27 15:22:10+00:00.
DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS. I am NOT OP. Original post by u/NectarineNeither7912 in r/TrueOffMyChest
This was last updated here. New update is marked with 🚨🚨🚨
trigger warnings: teen pregnancy, coercion
My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - May 17, 2024
I’m 16 years old. I got pregnant by somebody I work with. He’s 18 and is about to graduate high school. He’s planning to join the military after he graduates. He’s not my boyfriend. We were never in a relationship like that. I mean, I wish he was, but he doesn’t seem interested in that. We’re friends. He flirts with me. I lost my virginity to him. He didn’t force me or anything like that. I’ve had sex with him multiple times.
I’m 15 weeks pregnant now. Everyone knows. Well, not everyone because I’m still hiding it from a lot of people. But he knows and my parents know. I’m embarrassed by it. I feel like an idiot, like a joke, like trash. I just wish I could hide until after the baby’s born. I want to never leave my house.
My parents are basically forcing me to give the baby up for adoption. I live in a state with heavy abortion restrictions. It’s way too late to even get one now. My parents don’t believe in abortion either. They told me this is my punishment for getting pregnant - that I deserve to have to deal with being pregnant now. They’ve decided that I’m giving the baby away and have already set up a meeting with an adoption agency. They say they won’t let me ruin my life with a baby and they aren’t going to raise my baby either. So, this is the only other option. My mom keeps saying “You’ll thank us later.”
I didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I don’t really want to be a mom right now. I turn 17 over the summer and will only be starting my junior year next year. At the same time, going through pregnancy and giving birth just to give me baby away terrifies me. I don’t know if I can live with it. It literally makes me feel like I want to throw up or pass out.
I feel like I have no choice but to go along with what my parents want. It’s not like I could support myself let alone me and a baby. I could never just do it on my own.
I was too scared to get an abortion earlier on before I told my parents I was pregnant. I was so scared that I’d get in trouble, but now I realize that probably would have been the easiest thing for me.
If anyone reading this has given a baby up for adoption and survived it, please let me know what it was like. Do you get over it? Do you really end up feeling like it’s the best thing for them and you’re able to just live with it?
Relevant Comments
OOP on her parents and raising a baby by herself
I know and I’m not suggesting that I raise a baby by myself. I know it’s not really possible. I would need a lot of help, which is also not possible for me given how my parents feel about it. So, at the end of the day sure it’s my choice but I’m sort of cornered into only being able to make 1 choice.
OOP on the father and if he knew she’s pregnant
He knows I’m pregnant and he knows my parents are essentially forcing adoption. I think he’s relieved that they’ve decided this and are going to force me into it. I think he feels bad but at the same time he doesn’t want to be a parents so he says stuff like “Yeah, that’s probably the best thing.”
OOP on if her parents are choosing to take a legal route against the father
I’m in the US. He just turned 18 in April. They don’t really want to involve him. I thought they’d confront him in person, demand to speak to his parents, and stuff like that. They didn’t react like that at all. I mean, they’re mad at him and they blame him for this too, but they want to keep him removed from it all probably so nobody will interfere with what they’ve decided the plan is, idk.
My parents are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - update - June 24, 2024
I’m 20 weeks pregnant now and will turn 17 within the next few weeks. My parents are still forcing my to give my baby up for adoption. We’ve met with an adoption agency. The adoption counselor knows that I don’t want to do adoption. She asked to speak with me privately without my parents present to ask me a series of questions. I was honest and told her I didn’t want to give my baby away but I had no other choice. She seems to feel bad about it and told me that I will ultimately have to sign the papers after the baby is born. My parents cannot sign the papers. Unfortunately, without my parents’ help I have no other options.
The adoption counselor talked to us about the option of my parents adopting my baby, which I don’t really want either. No worries, my parents aren’t interested in raising another baby.
My parents want me to look at the potential families. I’m trying to look at them. It’s so weird thinking that I’m looking at parents for my own baby. I know I’m not ready to be a mom, but it’s still so weird. None of this feels like it’s happening to me.
I’ve talked to the baby’s father. He graduated high school and goes off to basic training later this summer. I think he’d be fine with adoption. He said he doesn’t really know what other options we have. We could get married since the military would at least help pay for a place to live and wed’d have medical benefits, but I can’t get married without parental consent. We don’t love each other. What kind of marriage would that be? But it seems like the only realistic solution. I hate the idea of being married at 17 years old and to a person who doesn’t genuinely want to be married to me. So then another option which still involves marriage might be for his parents to help out, even take care of the baby and let me see him or her until I’m 18 and don’t need my parents’ permission to get married. That doesn’t really seem fair to them.
He could try to object to an adoption, but it’s not guaranteed that his wishes would be respected. Plus, then what happens to the baby?
His parents seem like good people. I don’t know them well, but I’ve met them. They’re worried about what this will do to his future, but they told my parents they believe it should be our decision and that it’s their job as parents to help us. My parents basically said it’s their job to protect me and that all of the responsibility will fall on me and it’ll be my life that’s ruined. Our families met to “discuss” everything, but it was really just parents telling them what was going to happen and that they and their son have no say.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the ideal adoption situation she would like to see happening to the child
I don’t have an ideal adoption situation right now because I still can’t accept adoption.
But, probably 2 gay guys. It’s the women in these couples I look at that seem more fake than the men for the most part. Again, I know this sounds terrible to say. Something about a lot of the women is just really rubbing me the wrong way. Maybe 2 lesbians, because the few lesbian couples I’ve seen at least seem more genuine than the straight women.
Well, in some cases the gay couples could have their own biological children, even if the children didn’t share both parents’ DNA. But, I’m just more drawn to those couples and the profiles I’ve seen just seem more genuine.
But yes, it feels like nobody is good enough for my baby. I acknowledged that it might not seem rational. If you’ve never been in the position of having to look at families, all complete strangers, to give your baby to, you probably can’t fully understand. I’m allowed to be picky. This could be the biggest, most important decision in my entire life and this is the only part of the whole adoption thing I actually have much of a say in. I’m only 20 weeks pregnant, not 38. There’s no rule stating I have to have a family picked out yet. Some people take longer picking out a new car to buy! It’s not as if adoption was a choice I came to on my own and even feel positive about, so yeah looking at potential adoptive families is going to give me some feelings.
As I stated, it’s not a matter of thinking I can or cannot provide a better life. It’s a totally bizarre and heartbreaking thing to do to read through profile of families to give your baby to. And there are a ton of families.
My parenting are forcing me to give my baby up for adoption - update having a boy 🩵 - July 2, 2024
I don’t know why I’m suddenly getting a ton of responses on my post from a week ago but I figured I’d post an update because a few things have changed.
I had an ultrasound on Friday and found out I’m having a baby boy. He’s basically fully formed and just needs to get bigger now. I saw his head and his nose and they even got a picture of the bottom of his 2 feet together because he was sort of sideways at first and we had to get him to move. It ooks sort of like footprints. I could clearly see his little hands and everyth…
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