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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Jaelommiss on 2024-09-28 22:12:30+00:00.

Apologies in advance for typos. For reasons that will become apparent I’m typing this with my non-dominant hand.

A couple months ago my dad brought down a couple trees by his home. My parents live in an old farmhouse so he needs the wood for heating during the winter. Usually I help split it by hand but his year he decided to be sensible and rented a gas powered log splitter.

It was fantastic. 22 tons of hydraulic pressure tore even the largest and most knotted logs apart in seconds. What would normally be four weekends of work went by in six hours.

We were careful the entire time. One person grabs logs, the other loads it, and hands stay off the lever until everyone knows a clear.

Until the end. When we had five logs left we came across a log where half of it has grown perpendicular to the rest. There was no nice fork to aim the splitter at and the wood brought the blade to a dead stop every time we tried to split it. There were clear weak points I could see, but the log was large enough that it would overhang the edge and fall off the splitter if I tried to align those spots with the blade. But if I put a hand on the side of the log I could hold it steady while keeping it lined up.

So I did something dumb. Five logs before I could go eat and this was the only one that looked difficult. It’ll be fine, right? Just hold it steady for a couple seconds, split the log, then go inside. Easy.

Not easy. The log twisted the second the blade touched it, trapping my finger between the log and the steel strike plate at the back. Remember those 22 tons of pressure? Turns out that’s a tiny bit more than a finger can take before crushing. I pulled the lever back immediately, but it was too late.

Fortunately only some of my finger got pulped completely. I’m at the hospital right now to see how much can be salvaged. Any related puns or nicknames you have for me while I wait (90 minutes and not triaged yet…) would be appreciated.

TL;DR - tried to hold a log steady while splitting it and crushed my finger when it shifted