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Trigger Warnings: cancer; death of a sibling

Mood Spoiler: sad but OOP will be ok

Original Post: September 20, 2024

Throwaway account.

I (M, 30) lost my younger brother when I was 22. He had cancer and fought very hard. Ever since, I’ve been donating blood on the anniversary of his death every year. I take the day off from work, visit his grave, donate blood, and then come home, relax, and watch his favorite movie. I know it’s a simple, personal tradition, but it means a lot to me.

My girlfriend of 9 months, Anna (F, 31), asked if I could meet her and her mom( I have met her many times before and it wasn’t the meet the parents for the first time situation) for lunch yesterday. I told her no and explained again about what I do on my brother’s death anniversary. She got upset and said, “Well, it’s my tradition to have lunch with my mom every time she’s in town, and she really wanted to see you! You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.”

I explained to her that it’s not just about the blood donation. Later in the evening, while I was resting and watching my brother’s favorite movie, she texted me again, asking me to join them. I reiterated that I really didn’t want to and would hang out with her mom next time. She replied that I had embarrassed her in front of her mom with my selfishness and laziness.

Since then, she’s been distant. Do I owe her an apology? AITAH?

Some of OOP’s Comments:

Commenter: Question: Did Anna know about this tradition before her mother came to visit? (I’m thinking the answer is Yes because you said “explained again” but I wanted to verify this.)

OOP: Yes. I have mentioned it many times before. I think she forgot about the date so I re-explained that I can’t join them that day for that reason.

Commenter: NTA She doesn’t respect your tradition which is 1 day a year. Her mom will probably come to town more than 1 time in the year. Your girlfriend is selfish and entitled.

OOP: Yes! She is retired and lives 3 hours away. She comes here often

Commenter: Your tradition outweighs getting dinner with a visiting relative/in-law. I’m sorry for your loss, I hope you had a good day of remembering him. If I could, what’s his fave movie?

OOP: There are two actually lol the very first Despicable me movie and Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith

Commenter: Have you watched the new one? I see all the movies my dad would’ve loved to see from the franchises he loved. ❤️

OOP: Not yet. I’m planning to watch it with my dad ( my mom died when we were kids and my dad raised us alone ) on my brother’s birthday ( plan B is having him over for a movie night on my brother’s birthday if the movie will no longer be on movie theatres in December ).

Commenter: I think you would need to think very carefully about this GF Losing someone you live is very hard and she is very careless with your feelings Sorry for you loss. I lost my brother when he was 12 and I was 15. Still miss him

OOP: My condolences. I miss him a lot. There are certain video games I can’t even look at or play anymore because it was our special thing.

Commenter (downovted): I see plenty of room for doing lunch with your GF and her mom, and still commemorating your brother’s death in the same day. It would have been easy to fit lunch between visiting a grave, drawing blood and seeing a movie. You also missed a chance to invite your GF to partake in your ritual, and instead seem to have just used it as an excuse to not go out with them.

You’re going to lose a lot more people in life before it’s through. I understand death is hard, but it’s been nearly a decade — sometimes clinging to those ancient memories only holds us back.

OOP: She had never met him. He passed long before my current relationship. She never showed any interest to join and I wasn’t expecting her to join. I mean if she wanted to she would be more than welcome to join. I didn’t exclude her. My brother’s is not some ancient memory. We were very close and we only had each other growing up as my dad was working a lot . His memory isn’t holding me back in anyways

OOP Comments 1 hour after posting:

I texted Anna that we need to talked after reading the comments. I’m going to end it. I don’t have her mom’s number unfortunately.

OOP 3 hours later when asked for an update

Sure! So far no reply

OOP responds to a downvoted commenter:

Im not apologizing. I sent her a text to meet so I can end it. Expecting to have one day out of a year is not too much to ask for.

Update (Same Post): September 22, 2024 (2 days later)

I texted her that we needed to talk. She never replied. Just blocked me from everywhere ( social media , WhatsApp ,…). Her best friend who was following me on instagram blocked me too. I’m not sad. I wanted to end it anyways. Thank you for your support everyone . I really appreciate your kind comments. Some users suggested that my brother/ remembrance tradition saved me from getting serious with her and life time of misery and it made me smile. Thank you again

AITAH for saying no my girlfriend’s “tradition”

AITAH for saying no my girlfriend’s “tradition”

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