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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/oRiboku on 2024-09-29 04:28:11+00:00.

This happened less than 24 hours ago.

So my girlfriend (25F) is pregnant with our first child so she spends a lot of time at my (24M) house. She’s from out of town (30ish minutes away by car), so she’s at my place on and off.

Yesterday I had a relative’s birthday at a bar ( private event ) so I decided to invite her since she doesn’t really go out anymore. I worked in the morning and had the chance to have a Tequilla tasting with a guy who drinks Tequilla for a living, which was amazing since I could get tipsy for my shitty shift. Then, I worked my regular 12 - 10 pm shift, got back home at 11, showered, and went straight to the party with my SO and family.

We all had a great time she sipped on her virgin cocktails while I destroyed my wallet and got shit faced. Everything was going perfect we danced, socialized, saw some people that I hadn’t seen in years and the bonus was that I was drunk but nowhere near my limit ( blacking out, fumbling or puking ).

We stayed till around 3 am. before we finally decided it was time for us to go. We get home, change into our pyjamas, and hit the sack.

Now, this is when the FU happens. See, I have a history of sleepwalking ( alcohol makes it more likely to happen ), and it turns out I was gonna relive what usually ends up being a funny story.

So those who are familiar with somnambulism will know that you’ll generally have little or no memory of these incidents, so all I have is my SO’s testimony and the evidence i had the next morning ( unusable work attire ).

Essentially I woke up in the middle of the night/morning got up and went to the corner of the room where she had her purse, she found it a bit weird since I was just kinda staring at the wall. Until she heard a noise that sounded like a stream, confused as she was, she started to put two and two together and started yelling and berating me. I stopped turned around and stared at her for a few seconds and then went to finish what I started in the right place. After a minute or two, I came back to our room, ignored her cleaning my mess, and went back to bed.

Safe to say, I got the cold shoulder in the morning until we finally talked and laughed about it. I had already told her I was a sleepwalker and a few funny stories that happened in the past. Now, she one upped me in embarrassing stories to tell our future child.

TL;DR: Sleepwalked and pissed in my girlfriend’s purse.

( Not sure if this is against the no Pissing or Shitting thyself rule since I technically didn’t lol probably would’ve been better tho )