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The original was posted on /r/drugscirclejerk by /u/idiosyncratic on 2024-10-03 21:13:53+00:00.
My son came clean to me the other night explaining that every night he has been smoking a “quarter of a bowl” of some weird form of dope called “Marriage Iguana”. I asked him what the fuck he was talking about and how could he do this to our family, and then i kid you not he told me to calm down because “It’s just a plant”. I then immediately freaked out and assumed he was talking about pot, so i stormed into his room and shouted at him to show me where it is immediately.
He then started explaining that it wasn’t actually the pot i was familiar with.
“Haven’t you ever wondered where the term “Marijuana” comes from?” My son questioned me
I became frustrated and asked him to just say whatever he had to say.
“I can show you” he said excitedly
he then opened his closet and showed me the most horrific thing i have ever seen in my life. a BOILING POT OF IGUANAS! The smell was the EXACT same of that of Marijuana, and then it all made sense to me.
“Marriage igauna” = “Marijuana”
My son went on to explain that this is actually how marijuana is produced, and that everything they tell you is a lie, and that this is the horrible truth stoners dont want you to know.
He explained more that the only way to produce actual psychoactive weed is to hold a marriage ceremony for two iguanas and then hold a "Forbidden ceremony that allows the iguanas to permanently transcend their physical form " that he refused to elaborate on, and then finally boil them.
I then asked him how is it “Just a plant” if it’s literally live iguanas.
He went on to explain that what i was seeing in the boiling pot wasn’t actually just gonna instantly turn into weed. He explained that the boiling process converts the iguanas physical form into marijuana seeds.
“why does it smell like weed then?” I questioned.
“you stuff the iguanas physical forms full of various cannabinoids and terpenes to create different strains” My son explained.
I found no answer in his response, as i had no idea what a cannabinoid or a terpene was.
I am now waiting for my solo one way flight to Cuba.