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The original was posted on /r/nosleep by /u/therealdocturner on 2024-10-04 22:34:25+00:00.

Y’all are going to think I’m crazy, but what makes this time any different from every other time?

I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich. I’ve assassinated officials and I’ve worked in shelters and hospitals. I’ve been famous and infamous. I’ve been married to the same woman 763 times over now, and every time, I’ve tried to change things. But now I’m just going to write this. This is how I’ll live out the last few weeks this time. I’m finally tired of trying to change things. I’ve just tried to live my own life this one time.

I don’t have a Groundhog Day, I’ve got a Groundhog Life. Everytime, I’m born on September 1, 1980 in Sand Gap, Kentucky. I always die the same day. We all do. 

I was lucky the first time out of the gate. Jess found me in Louisville. She’s the angel that God sent to keep my sanity while I try over and over again to work out a problem that seemingly has no solution. She’s the reason I keep going. Maybe someday I’ll get to grow old with her. Hopefully someday, I’ll get it right. 

I decided this time, towards the end of this life, to just spend it with her at the lake. We’ve never been able to have kids. She’s never wanted to adopt, so it’s always just us. I’d never told her how many different times and lives we’ve had until this one.

I told her in January. I told her what’s about to happen. I could tell that she was afraid that I was losing my mind. Who isn’t nowadays?

It took two weeks of me predicting things that came true around the world until she started to believe me. All things considered, she took the news of the end of time pretty well.

She’s sitting outside on the deck right now enjoying the evening, while I’m writing this and listening to my Oliver Anthony mix. I think I might just tell her every time from here on out. It felt good to get it off my chest. I had wanted to tell her so many times. Hundreds of lifetimes spent keeping what I know from my “lobster”. How many times am I going to have to watch that damn show?

I told her that I’m not giving up. I’m going to keep trying to prevent it, but this one time, I just want to be with her. Maybe clear my mind. Figured I’d just put this out there, and maybe somebody else might have an idea. Maybe enough people might read this and wake up. I don’t know.

Division and hate is always more important than helping each other. Cries for war from the rich are always louder than the weak utterances of suffering from the poor. It’s like this sickness was coded into the world’s DNA from the beginning and it always manifests itself right about now, and the only thing that destroys that fever is a hot war that kills the host, along with everything on it.

Soon, my body will be born again, but the mind will stay. Back to square one. The problem will remain. How do I stop it? I’m the lone voice in the wilderness. Right before Christmas, the skies will fall in nuclear fire again, and those last few moments are always spent asking “why?”, when the answer was always obvious. 

I’m not quitting. Eventually, I’ll find the solution in another lifetime, but this one just belongs to me and her. Jess is calling me now, so I’m going to sign off and enjoy some whiskey and fireflies with my girl. I’m going to be selfish this time. Catch y’all on the next go round.