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The original was posted on /r/autism by /u/UncleVolk on 2024-10-05 15:18:33+00:00.

I don’t know if it’s an autistic thing, but I know autism makes you perceive relationships differently, so I’ll post this here and see if some of you relate.

I just don’t get it. I see people as people, and I don’t believe in separate categories and labels, only in some sort of bonding spectrum. There’s people I dislike, then people I’m indifferent to, then people I like, people I really like, and so on. A partner to me is someone that I like as much as you can like someone, just one step beyond a best friend.

To me “partner” is not some sort of unique title like “King”. A King plays a specific role, and if he loses his crown he becomes a nobody. That’s how romantic relationships seem to work. Two strangers get to know each other a bit, have sex, and suddenly they’re partners. Then they might break up and they never see each other again. Any attempt to be friends will be seen as a bad thing. How? Why? I. Don’t. Get it. (Edit: this of course doesn’t include toxic or abusive relationships).

If I love someone and we can’t be partners, I’d like us to be best friends. Like, seriously. We might need time to get over feelings, that’s fine. But just getting rid of each other like that? How on Earth is that the normal thing to do? They turn a stranger into the most important person in their lives, and then stranger again? How does that make any sense?

I try give people a role of importance in my life proportional to the bond I have with them. Intimacy and friendship are a spectrum, a partern is just top tier intimacy and friendship. Before dating we have to be friends, and if we break up I still want you in my life as long as it doesn’t hurt us. Everything else is social construct bullcrap to me.