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The original was posted on /r/nosleep by /u/spnsuperfan1 on 2024-10-08 03:57:37+00:00.

A vampire, a witch, and a werewolf. Seems like the set up for a bad joke am I right?

Well, as it turns out, my whole life is just one bad joke. Because as my luck would have it, my roommates Matthew, Sharron, and Damien are literal, honest to god, monsters.

Matthew is a witch, Sharron is a vampire, and her boyfriend Damien is a werewolf. I’ve been living with these people for literal months and they chose now to tell me the truth?!?

Okay, let me back track and explain to you how I ended up in this situation.

A couple months back I hit a rough patch in my life. It was the off season at work so my hours had been cut (I work at a themed cafe). And then my girlfriend cheated on me and kicked me out of the house, essentially leaving me homeless. I was depressed and desperately in need of a new place to live, so I did the stupid thing and browsed roommate wanted ads on Craigslist. Theirs was the first one I clicked on.

Botta-bing, botta-boom, next thing you know, the four of us were meeting up at a local restaurant to discuss my possible tenancy.

They had their reservations about me at first, as did I them. I mean I answered their craigslist ad for crying out loud! That’s gotta be suspicious to someone considering the site’s historic link to some of the most gruesome true crime cases in this century. Then again, they did put the ad on the site to begin with so… hence the meeting.

Well, my first red flag should’ve been that we met up at night. I guess since it wasn’t too late in the evening when we met (around seven pm) and was in a fairly public place, I thought nothing of it.

After meeting up and getting the pleasantries out of the way we started introducing ourselves. I told them my tale, mostly trying to earn pity points so they’d let me crash with them- which I think worked pretty well considering I ended up moving in.

Mathew went next. He was an above average looking guy with blonde hair, blue eyes, average height. Pretty normal and unsuspecting looking. I learned he worked as an anesthesiologist assistant and spent his free time either at the library or reading in his room.

It was obvious Sharron and Damien were a couple based on the fact they sat together, were holding hands, and stared at each other with lovey-dovey eyes. They looked like complete opposites to each other.

Sharron definitely fit the goth esthetic with the pasty white skin, long silky black hair, and the signature red lip. Though she looked young, she carried herself with this ‘wise beyond her years’ confidence.

Damien, on the other hand, was a tall and stalky black man with thick dreads and a goatee. Despite his intimidating physical appearance, he wore a green and white flannel button up with grey khakis, was very nice, and actually seemed quite timid giving off mega nerd vibes.

Sharron was definitely the dominant one in the relationship.

Turns out Sharron worked nights at a gas station not too far from the apartment and Damien worked from home doing IT work. See, told you, nerd. Or maybe the correct technical term is geek? I dunno.

All in all, everyone seemed to be pretty chill. But, I should’ve known something was off with the three of them as soon as we placed our orders. Working in food service, I’ve learned you can tell a lot about a person by the food they eat.

Sharron only ordered a coffee. At seven pm. clearly she had some kind of eating disorder or special diet. (Little did I know how right I was about that). Matthew skipped right past the appetizers and entrees, immediately ordering a chocolate cake type dessert. Weird, but not totally eccentric. Damien’s order was normal enough, a porterhouse steak bloody rare. The look that shone in his eyes as soon as it was set down on the table almost unsettled me though.

I ordered buttered noodles and chicken tenders since I’m a picky eater, so I couldn’t really say shit, and I didn’t. We ate dinner in between polite small talk before we got down to it.

They were looking for a serious roommate. Someone who paid rent on time, helped with groceries, all that. Specifically, they wanted someone who could be trusted, someone who wasn’t loud and could keep to themselves. Someone peaceful and unproblematic. Something their last roommate apparently hadn’t been.

I reassured them that would be me or at least I would try my best to be. They bought it and invited me over for a tour of the apartment the next day.

Apartment four-thirteen. It was the thirteenth, and largest, unit on the fourth floor. It was a four bed three bath with about two-thousand square feet. Matthew had the master, and despite being together, Damien and Sharron had their own rooms, but shared a connected bathroom. I would take the empty room, which was the smallest, and have my own bathroom. The communal spaces were the large living room that had floor to ceiling stain glass windows and the decently sized kitchen. Rent was nine-seventy five, bills were separate, all due by the fifth of the month. And my commute to work would be easier there. Honestly, it was a pretty sweet deal that I just couldn’t pass up.

After they gave me a final offer and we got the lease all settled, I was moved in by the end of the week.

Now, you might be asking yourselves, “Joey, how did you not realize there was something off about your roommates?”

Well, to be honest with you, everything was going so well those first couple months I didn’t really notice. Mostly because everyone’s hectic schedules prevented all of us from being in the apartment at the same time for an extended period.

I work all kinds of crazy hours at the cafe during the day so I was in and out of the apartment sporadically. Since Sharron worked nights the most I saw of her was when she came home in the morning and when she left for work at night. Matt was pretty much always at the hospital or the library. Damien stayed in his room all the time playing video games and doing his IT work.

When all of us were home, we pretty much just stayed confined to our personal spaces. Looking back on it, now knowing the truth, there were some signs.

Matthew had a full on garden growing in his room and so many candles that even candle hoarders would deem that many as too much. He also always seemed to have a homemade remedy at the ready for any injury or problem that could arise.

Sharron kept her room dark dark. The walls were painted black and most of the accents in her room were either deep shades of red or gray. She has a mini fridge under her desk, but when I saw her room for the first time, it was covered with a dark sheet, but I’m pretty sure there was a pad lock keeping it shut.

Once a month, for about a week, Damien seemed to get irritated pretty easily. He also stocked up on red meats during that time, leaving the apartment in a perpetual state of smelling like a steakhouse. Then at the end of that week, Damien and Sharron would leave for a date night, not returning home until late in the evening the next day.

So, what led my roommates to reveal their true identities to me (intervention style I might add)? Well, I think it all started last week when I started developing some symptoms and feeling sick.

I let everyone know I wasn’t feeling well and would try my best to quarantine myself to my room to prevent the illness from spreading. Matt offered me a special cream, a salve I think he called it, to try to help alleviate my symptoms. I politely refused.

About mid week I noticed that the roommates had become a little more involved than usual, Matt and Damien especially. They would constantly check up on and keep an eye on me as I tried to recover.

I thought it was sweet at the time.

After a couple of days, I recommended that they get out of the apartment for a bit because I didn’t know if the bug I’d caught was contagious. Reluctantly, they agreed, on the condition that I would see a doctor if I still wasn’t feeling well when they got back. I agreed to their terms, deeming them as fair.

I’m glad they left when they did, because the worst of the flu or whatever I had occurred when they were gone. Nobody should’ve seen me like that. My days were full of body aches, chills, and strange hallucinations. At some point though, my fever must’ve broken and I instantly started to feel better, my body back on the mend.

I was in the middle of preparing a nice soup when my roommates returned home. I was feeling better, but still felt off kilter, and decided soup was just what the doctor ordered.

“Hey guys!” I greeted as the three of them came in through the front door. My tunes blasted in the kitchen as I chopped vegetables next to a boiling pot of water that was eagerly waiting to boil my chosen meat. I waved my hand that held the knife at them while wiping some sweat off my forehead with the other. “I’m making soup, you guys want any?”

Matt dropped the grocery bag he was carrying as he saw what I was cooking. Damien’s jaw practically fell to the floor, and Sharron took a cautious step back.

“What the fuck, Joey?!” Matt stuttered as he slowly walked through the apartment. He pushed my slightly ajar bathroom door fully open.

“What?” I asked defensively, “It’s just soup!”

Damien stepped in. “There’s an arm on that cutting board!”

I furrowed my brows in confusion, sucking some tasty vegetable juice off the tips of my fingers. I looked down. Sure enough, sitting right next to my pile of chopped celery and onions was a woman’s severed hand an…

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