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The original was posted on /r/nosleep by /u/SalamiMommie on 2024-10-19 23:53:46+00:00.

Damn, I should I have known that those five tequila shots were a bad idea. I mean…I knew it wasn’t a good idea. Tequila isn’t exactly a great idea, but sometimes it is.

Sorry for the rambling, I’m trying to sober up. This Mexican grill downtown has some killer drink deals and some beautiful ladies that love to dance.

I’m trying to get over a horrible breakup I just went through a mere thirty six hours ago. A woman I loved cheated on me with one of my friends. We still have to share our apartment until we figure out who is moving out. Always a gamble when both names are on the lease. She wants to work things out and I don’t.

Tequila isn’t always a good idea and neither is trying to get over someone you love way too quickly, but screw it. Cheating on me wasn’t a good idea either.

Jose was going to be my best friend for the night. He made an excellent bartender and I was having the most wonderful time. I was gonna stay and shut the place down. I danced with some beautiful women and even got a phone number that she typed in for me, I kept pushing too many buttons. Her name was Lola.

I asked Lola if she wanted to come back to my apartment but she politely declined. She was heading back with her friends.

I asked Jose for another shot of silver but he told me I was cut off. Maybe he wasn’t meant to be my best friend

He wrote his number on my arm and told me to call him when I got back home. He tried convincing me to hand him my keys over but I didn’t want to hand them over. He threatened to call the cops and tell them I was driving drunk. I handed them over to him.

He handed me a water bottle and told me that an Uber was about to be there to take me home. I reached over for someone’s half drank beer and he pulled it out of my hands.

“My friend, your Uber is gonna be outside in a minute.” He held my arm and helped me out before returning to his post.

I walked up to an older, yellow Honda Civic that looked horrible. It was filthy and all the windows rolled down. The driver had curly brown hair and a flat cap on. He was puffing on a cigar. The cigarette craving was kicking in.

“Hey Uber, are you my driver.”

He was looking straight forward, “get in.” It sounded like he gargled with gravel and sand with how rugged and raspy his voice was.

“Where to?” I muttered out my address.

He stomped on the gas and peeled out. My stomach turned and I felt as if the liquor was about to spew out of my mouth.

“Hey man, can you slow d-.”

“You naughty, naughty boy. Didn’t your mother teach you that it’s a sin to get so sloppy?”

“Hey man, I-“

He turned around and I screamed. His eyes were like a hypnotic wheel turning. His tongue was hanging out and was forked just like a snakes. Horns began to sprout out of his head.

I closed my eyes and tried to jerk off my seatbelt. Every rug was making it tighter to where I couldn’t breathe as good. He began laughing.

He was swerving around cars and blaring the horn . Everytime it did, my ear drums felt like they would explode.

“Please, please. I won’t ever do this again.”

“That’s what they all say.”

I pulled out my phone and sent Jose a text message. I was letting him know to call the police and track the Uber in case that I die. I dropped my phone when I got the message.

“What are you talking about? Are you okay? The Uber driver waited outside for you for a while. I came to check on you and you were already gone.”

He swerved into the apartment parking lot. The door opened by itself and my body was tossed out after the seatbelt jerked off. It was as if someone extremely strong threw me. I fell face first into the asphalt. Blood began pouring out of my nose.

“Don’t let me catch you next time!” His car set on fire as he drove away, then it disappeared.

I managed to get inside my apartment and my ex was sitting on the couch in her pajamas. Empty bowl of ice cream in her hands, The Bachelor or some other show on the tv.

“Oh my god, baby what happened.”

“I ain’t your baby anymore, kiss my ass.” I snarled out to her. She had tears in her eyes.

I locked myself in the bathroom as I tried to clean myself up and pick all the gravel out of my skin. All the contents of the night went into the porcelain throne. She knocked on the door.

“I told you that I was sorry. We can make it work.”

“I told you that I’m done!”

I opened the door and stumbled to my room. She caught the door before I could slam it.

“I’ll let you go to bed and sleep this off. You sure smell like you had an eventful evening. I’ll even leave you some Tylenol and water. But don’t make me summon that thing again.”