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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SnooHamsters3137 on 2024-10-24 02:27:58+00:00.

I 28(m) was awoken by her 30(f) this morning playing music. We joked a bit about the music. I recalled she was on teledoc the night before about lack of energy and general malaise. When I remembered this, I asked if she wanted me to pick it up for her (I needed to grab a refill of my medication as well.) She’s a nurse and is always spread pretty thin so I’ve been picking up her meds and running other errands for her for years now. Me getting her meds has been the norm, so I asked if it was ready for pickup.

She became furious with me, saying her meds were none of my business, and to back off. I didn’t press the matter as to allowing me to pick it up, but I groggily tried to clarify I didn’t mean anything and I didn’t want to pry either. I just wanted to get it for her so she didn’t have to, just like every last month. I should have shut up. What ensued was her talking over me every time I spoke, raising her voice, and me trying to raise mine to match. We both got pretty mad, but no one crossed any lines during the conversation. At one point I was speaking very slowly and rather quietly about that I didn’t want anything to be wrong, and I didn’t want her to misunderstand, and that I was going to give her space. When I looked up at her after I said this, (I was on the other side of the room), I saw she had her phone out and it was ringing. I was in disbelief when I heard “911 what’s your emergency,” on the other end.

One night before this she had been triggered by a friend of ours getting too excited in a game we were playing. (Online game, Discord chat, friend is in another state) He got a little loud but maintained a joking tone. Everyone else was laughing. After a while, she came into the same room as me and had me feel her heart and told me how much it bothered her. She has a tough past and I know she can get triggered. However, for the past 3 years she’s been very resilient, and only just now started getting really sensitive again.

I understand I scared her but I want to emphasize that this was not a one sided thing and I have been with her for almost seven years now. For the first 99% of the conversation this was a somewhat tense and at times a little loud altercation, but nothing we haven’t had before, and something that isn’t uncommon in most relationships. We’ve had louder fights where she’s said some really terrible things to me and told me she was done with me, only to act like it never happened a little while later. I regret yelling, I wish I never felt like it was yell or be misunderstood, but just try to understand yelling isn’t all the same.

When I saw she was calling the cops, I calmly and promptly gathered my keys and phone and walked out of the apartment. I heard her tell the operator that she was reporting a domestic dispute. As I walked to my car I also called 911 and informed that I am apparently in a domestic dispute, told my name, my address, my appearance, my car appearance, and where I would be (just up the road.) I drove up the road and waited on the corner, sitting on the curb.

I got a call from my dad while I waited asking if I was okay, and he informed me she had called him saying she didn’t know where I went, that I “stormed out” and that she was packing my bags because we were through. (Mind you I moved to this area, Chicagoland area, to live with her 5 years ago, my dad live 15 hours away.)

As I was talking to him, carefully trying not to foul his opinion of her while also trying to let him know I’m not out of control and I’m not fully sure what’s going on, the police pulled up and began to talk to me.

I calmly told them the story, almost broke down once, and they were actually very understanding and reassuring. They asked me if she was taking her medication and I told them I thought she was. They asked if i thought it was all right if they checked on her and I encouraged them to speak to her because I didn’t want them to only hear from me or let me talk for her. I was under the impression other officers would be in the apartment talking to her at this time. Unbeknownst to me she actually told the operator, after I had left, that she didn’t want any officers to come by and that she didn’t want anything bad to happen to me. Idk what she wanted then. Prior to the officers leaving to check on her, they told me I handled the situation exactly as I should, and that I should wait there.

They ended up talking to her in our apartment for about 5 minutes and she sent them back to check on me. As I waited, in my car at this time at the same location where I was sat, after a little bit, I decided to call and check on her. I asked her whether she spoke to the cops, and she said yes, that they should be on their way to me, and right on queue they pulled up behind me. They said everything was fine, and the male cop starting giving me advice on where to go from there.

After they left, I went back to the apartment, and started talking to her/packing my things. The first argument started at about noon, I was out of the house by 1:30ish, and back in by about 3pm. At 9pm, she called it all off. She told me she still loved me, I apologized for everything. I told her she really scared me too, and there were maybe somethings she shouldn’t have done. Early on in our relationship I knew she could be sensitive so I always avoided yelling. At one point I was told by a therapist that I should be more willing to set boundaries in the relationship, as some of our problems were related to that. They said in most situations yelling should be avoided and I agree. But there indeed are situations where someone should increase the volume of their voice if they are being spoken over in a situation where they need to have boundaries respected or stand up for themselves. In this situation I believed the very extreme misunderstanding was just something I needed to clarify before walking away, as if I left it like that, she would have continued to believe I was trying to do something wrong. At the same time, keep in mind I’m laying in bed half awake when this started. I feel like if anything she caught me off guard and started acting strange when I was in a vulnerable position. Scaring her isn’t justified and it makes me sick to think I did, but I also cannot truthfully say this was a situation in which she would have been afraid any month prior to this one, and I cannot say I had any upper hand or advantage or that I was cornering her or in her face or anything. I was facing away from her for most of the conversation and only got up to leave the room when I was trying to clarify right before she called them.

When she called off kicking me out, I promised I wouldn’t raise my voice anymore. This isn’t a hard promise for me to make. I had done it before and only started raising my voice because I believed it was important to show controlled sternness when necessary, something I think she should be able to do as well, and something she does do.

At any rate, it’s now two days later, we have been cuddling, getting food together, watching tiktoks, and she has again decided, due to a quiet disagreement before bed last night, which we spoke about very civilly and very quietly and actually quite briefly, which she can’t get out of her mind, that because we have problems sometimes, which she magnifies as “we have constant issues,” we are incompatible. She is now calmly kicking me out, (I didn’t unpack just in case,) sans the police.

I love her. She was obsessed with me before we started dating and we have been in love for 6 years now. It’s just so hard to think it got like this. And I know it really seems like something must have happened but I swear she is not acting herself. I asked her a question two days ago so I could run an errand and it escalated very slowly and not even that much and she eventually decided to call the police. I don’t have a criminal record, I don’t hurt people or women or animals or anyone. It’s horrifying. I left my life to live with her. As I have been living with her, she decided she made enough money that she didn’t need me to work anymore and wanted me to take care of the dog and the house and help her out with anything. I’m always trying to find ways to help.

At any rate I’m now left jobless, homeless, and 15 hours away from my family in Chicago. The love of my life is acting like a different person and I feel like she only hears half of everything I’m saying.

I wanted to marry her. If I needed to find a way to buy a ring to propose, then it was going to take time in our situation. Otherwise, I’m also not against her proposing, but she never did, despite 100% having the means. Maybe she never really wanted to despite everything. I don’t know.

So now I’m packing my things into my car and getting ready to leave. I don’t really know where to go or what to do except back to where I was born. It just feels like I wasted 6 years of my life, and lost all the connections and progress that I had before I moved. Before I met her I had a job and friends and I was close with my family and I had a place to live. Then I met her and gained a girlfriend and a future wife. Now I have none of it.

TL;DR: I asked her when her medication would be ready, she misunderstood me? and we raised our voices. She called the cops. She’s breaking up with me. We’ve been together for 6 years and wanted to get married.