This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/KCMueller87 on 2024-10-28 01:53:38+00:00.
Author’s note: I don’t know if there is another story titled, “Welcome to Purgatory.” If there is, I apologize for the confusion.
The safety harness nearly broke my carapace, but it kept me secured to my chair. I closed my eyes to fight the vertigo, and hoped that it was me and not the ship spinning. Damn unknown space anomaly. I turned towards my first officer, “Status Report!” That made my vertigo worse.
“Shields down to 7%, no hull breaches, and reactors stabilizing.”
Thank you, Gods of fortune. “Navigation, where the 10 hells are we?!” I could hear my navigator low hissing curses. “Navigation?”
“The computer’s coming up negative on all boards, Sir.”
Oddly, that felt worse than hearing that navigation was down. “Explain.”
“Troubleshoot say it’s working perfectly, but its not sensing any- Wait. Massive electro magnetic and quantum anomaly directly ahead!”
I checked if my sidearm was still at my hip, and pressed my graspers together in prayer. Please, Gods of fortune, let it be friendly. I looked at my pilot, “Retract the viewing shield.”
I found the anomaly perplexing. Amid a starless void was what looked like a massive disco ball, and each side was its own disco ball. My first shouted, “Electro magnetic anomaly incoming, much smaller…Holy dung heap.”
I could hardly believe my own eyes. Out side was what looked like a floating organic biped, in tropical tourist attire with a glare visor and a dark brown beverage in its hand. The thing waved at us as it approached us and passed through the window. It landed without a sound between me and my pilot, and it was a few heads taller than me. It bared its teeth, “Hi.”
The thing raised its arms akin to a threat display, and my first officer shot it. Oddly, it didn’t bleed. It stepped to side and looked back; I saw two pilots: one with a panicked look and one with half of his head missing.
The thing looked back and forth between my pilot and the rest of my crew. The thing spoke, “This is awkward. One moment please.” The thing rushed to the panicking pilot, “Hey, Buddy. I need you to take some deep breaths, okay. Here, drink this, it might make you feel better.”
The thing presented its drink to my pilot. My pilot took a sip and spat it out, “Its poison.”
The thing nodded its head, “Yeah, you’re dead. Welcome to the club.” It looked towards the object outside, “Hey Boss, what do I do here? This is a first for me!..That’s it? Gatekeeping ain’t my job…Yeah, yeah, yeah I got it, ya dick.”
I kept looking between the thing and the distant object. I was afraid to ask, “What are you going to do to us?”
My pilot looked at me confused, “You didn’t hear that.”
The thing placed a hand on my pilots shoulder, “Yeah, they’re alive. They can’t hear the boss.”
The thing approached me and took off its glare visor, it had void dark sclera and white irises. My words were from primal superstition but appropriate, “What kind of demon are you?”
The thing seemed bemused rather than offended, “I like to think of myself as a fallen angel, and depending on who you ask, they are the same. Now; I’m gonna need you to turn this crate around, set the autopilot, and sedate yourselves before you go through the rift again. If you thought coming here was weird, leaving this place while awake is a mind melting acid trip. Other than Buddy over there, you guys need to do this asap. Because the longer you stay here, the more likely your bodies will die once you return to the realm of the living.”
“Wait,” Being told to leave reminded me of our mission, “We’re explorers. Please, tell us something about you or this place. So that Trchitcher didn’t die in vain.”
The thing turned towards my pilot, “Did he just say your name?”
“Yes, my name is Trchitcher.”
The thing shook its head, “Souls can understand words, but names can be a bitch and a half to pronounce. Alright, my name is Bob. My species is called, human. I’ve been dead for nearly four hundred years. My crass attitude is because there are trillions of sentient souls in this galaxy alone, with billions of rules of etiquette that seems to change by the year. This place is one of many hubs of the afterlife. I mean, I honestly thought your engine blew up or something and you guys were new arrivals. Now, Buddy, is there anything you would to say to your friends before I take you with me.”
Trchitcher lost some of his color, “What will happen to me?”
The thing, Bob, seemed to pity him, “You gotta go through some trials. Depending on how you lived your life, it could be a few or a lot.”
Trchitcher turned to my first officer, “I forgive you for killing me, it was an accident.” He then turned towards me, “Tell my family that I hope to see them again in the blooming plains.”
I watch the ship, and my friends, leave through the rift. Bob put an arm around my shoulders and guided me towards the disco ball. Floating through the void without an environmental suit, and being dead, was a novel experience. Bob bared his teeth, but I felt no malice from him, “Get ready Buddy; because here you get to fight your inner demons, party with your inner demons, make peace with your enemies-if they’re redeemable, or just beat the shit out of them until you’ve exhausted your hatred.”
“What is this place?”
“I don’t know what your people call it, but my people call it purgatory. Every trial here is meant to help you move on, or trap you into servitude.”
“Is that what happened to you?”
Bob chuckled and fixed his attire, “Yeah. I was too good to be in Hell, too bad to be in Heaven, and I’ve succeeded as often as I’ve failed. But, I got a couple hundred years left before I’m reincarnated. And here’s your first trial, Buddy.”
We came to an ordinary wooden door from my homeworld, “What do I have to do?”
Bob gestured to the door, “You got to open it and step through.”
I was expecting something more harrowing, “That’s it?”
“Opening the door and stepping into the unknown is the first trial. For some its easy, for others its damn near impossible.”
“And afterwards?”
“Its out of my hands, Buddy. Hell, for all I know this could be your only trial here.”
I looked to my human guide, “Thank you, Pshopsh.” What the hells did I say?
Bob chuckled, “Yeah. Like I said, names can be a bitch to pronounce. Good luck, Buddy.”
I took a deep breath, steeled myself and went through that damn door.