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The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Betty-Adams on 2024-10-28 23:25:44+00:00.

Humans are Weird - Dirty

Original Post:

Notes the Passing Changes gingerly eased the longer stick up, out of the fermented mass of detritus and foreign fungus and bacteria. The nearly dormant domestic culture on the stick immediately began to revive, sending delighted signals up tendrils to Notes the Passing Changes’s local focal nodes. A sense of satisfaction washed through the network as the stick was carefully placed in a balance of fading sunlight and long evening shadow. However the reaction was slower now, almost sluggish and Notes the Passing Changes decided to let the situation rest for the night.

Sandy’s efforts, his singular efforts unaided by any of the other sapients in the colony, to shift the worst of the mass of fermenting biomass had already worked wonders for Notes the Passing Changes’s clarity of thought and clearness of observation in not only this sector of the forest but throughout the local network. The mid-winter floods had been numerous, laying down layer after layer of oxygen poor silt over a critical tendril junction, and the busy spring had prevented the local motile sapients from having the time or energy to shift the mass. Finally Sandy, noting some sign of distress in Notes the Passing Changes had simply gathered a few lever based hand tools and had spent a long day in the forest wet-lands, moving biomass at Notes the Passing Changes directions. Eventually Pat had arrived to order her mate back to their dwelling place for a ‘shower’, food, and rest, but the results were by then more than sufficient for Notes the Passing Changes to continue alone. Satisfied that the local micro-fauna would continue the healing work over the night Notes the Passing Changes shifted awareness focal points to the deadwood dwelling that housed Pat and Sandy.

Notes the Passing Changes politely knocked in the walls to announce the presence of another sapient awareness in the house and tapped into the visual sensors on the houseplant they kept for just such use. Sandy had mumbled a greeting, giving an auditory clue and allowing Notes the Passing Changes to angle the leaves of the plant to observe the human.

Sandy was wearing only a thin layer around his core trunk and was sprawled over the blocky couches humans preferred, holding a cold canister of fluid in one hand. The human did not turn his head to address the communications plant as usual buy only stared at an empty space on the far wall. He was still expressing significant amounts of carbon dioxide, which the plant appreciated, and his thermal image glowed with the low grade injury indicators of successful exercise. His outer membrane however, appeared to be somewhat vasoconstricted, possibly due to a habit of his called a cold shower where he exposed himself to water below the comfort level of a mammal of his size for mysterious health reasons. As Notes the Passing Changes observed the human gave a violent twitch, rubbed a hand over his face and took a small volume drink from the canister.

“I wished to thank you for your assistance today,” Notes the Passing Changes stated.

Sandy released a grunt of air that sounded vaguely happy and adjusted his free hand into a shape that indicated either general approval or agreement.

“I hope you did not over work yourself,” Notes the Passing Changes went on.

“Nah,” Sandy said with a yawn, before his words were interrupted with another shudder. “It was the perfect late spring workout.”

“May I ask why your body is generating those spasms?” Notes the Passing Changes asked, more curious than concerned.

It was clear that Sandy’s body was glowing with mammalian health, and if to confirm this the human burst out laughing.

“Noticed that did ya?” He asked. “Well in case you hadn’t noticed all that muck I was forking around today was nasty!”

“Indeed,” Notes the Passing Changes agreed. “I did notice. That is why I requested assistance in shifting it.”

“Nasty an’ mucky,” Sandy went on with another shudder, “an’ it got all down in me’ clothes. Sticks poking me’ skin. More than a bit ‘o muck in me’ eyes, and nose, and mouth. Fling enough muck and it goes everywhere. Sticking to me’ back and me’ front, and even in me’ shoeen!”

“Yes,” Notes the Passing Changes agreed again. “I observed that at the time. What is resulting in your shuddering movements now?”

Sandy drew and deep breath and stared at the wall a long moment before answering.

“Can still feel ‘em,” he muttered before taking another drink.

“Did you not just ‘shower’ to remove all particles from your outer membrane?” Notes the Passing Changes asked.

Sandy nodded and went to take another drink only to find the canister empty. He looked into it mournfully before shuddering again and swinging his body upright with some sounds of effort.

“Washed up good,” he agreed as he lumbered towards the kitchen, “but I’ll still be feeling all the muck and bits till my brain gets as good a clean as my body.”

“And how will you do that?” Notes the Passing Changes asked in growing interest.

Every text book said the human brain was well protected against particulate contamination.

“Sleep,” Sandy said in an almost reverent tone as he reached the sink and began to refill the canister. “Can’t just yet, else I’ll be up with the moon, but it’ll take a good night’s sleep to get the bits of muck out o’ my brain.”

Sandy wandered back into the resting area and dropped onto the couch. Notes the Passing Changes decided to wait until Pat was out of her shower to peruse the topic as Sandy still seemed more interested in that empty spot on the wall.

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