This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/transmedical by /u/PerpetualSuffering94 on 2024-10-28 20:55:48+00:00.

I feel so lonely, the pain is excruciating knowing that this has to be the way it is because you choose to live in reality. Basically I’m a mtf t girl. I’m posting here because it seems a lot of trans folks here also choose to live in reality, but I’m basically alone. I don’t have any friends, and I certainly don’t have any trans friends as the majority of trans people now are extremely left and believe in all this NB nonsense and other craziness that just makes us all look bad. I’ll admit I’m someone who went back and forth a lot and it is and will always be one of my biggest regrets. (not because I ever doubted being transsexual but because I kept getting overwhelmed by the mountain of a task in front of me to pass, the landscape becoming crazier and crazier etc) I don’t even wanna say my age now because I know there will be some people who go “you’re still young!” or “some people don’t transition until they’re 60” but that isn’t gonna help me feel any better in my situation and the reality is I know I’m not very but still fairly late to the show now. I just wish I had some kind of support or at least A friend to talk to about my issues, like privately. There are some things I just don’t wanna put out as a post where a lot of people will see it and possibly scrutinize it or take it wrong.

It just sucks and kind of ironic that the reason I am in the position I am in now is because I kept going back & forth and admittedly burnt many bridges (some at the fault of my own and some not) in fear that I would not have a successful transition, some way, some how. I always over thought everything and stopped myself and now that I’m older, being able to pass is still very much in the air (which if I had just stuck it out from the first time I would’ve passed very easy actually) and I have genuinely no support. I can’t go see a therapist, as they won’t even remotely understand what I’m going thru and a “trans therapist” will be way too mainstream to get me either. All the “open spaces” for trans people are unusable for someone like me, a transmed when it’s filled to the brim with crazies who believe in a million genders and what not. I just wish I had someone to talk to, someone I could get advice from or someone who would just listen. I am not suicidal don’t worry but it’s times like this where I truly wonder why I’m even here right now…All of this makes me question my sanity and everything I’ve become to hate…Ironically like I said I stopped at the fear of this being too hard, but always starting over made that an actual reality where now it is actually THAT hard…Ironic huh?..It’s like playing a game and never saving it’s data at the fear that the game will become too hard, always having to start back over. Story of my life 😑

I apologize if this is way too cynical for this sub and I’m expecting a slew of down votes and people being upset with me in the comments, but I guess I’m just admittedly and shamefully crying out for help if that’s what I’m even doing (because at this point idk what the hell I’m doing)