This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/MorvonJellyBean on 2024-11-02 13:44:11+00:00.
On mobile so standard apologies for formatting and English being my first language.
Tdlr; New boss insists I follow every company policy to the letter, so I do—and bring the entire office to a grinding halt.
A few years back, I worked in a corporate office where things ran pretty smoothly… until our new boss, Mr. Micromanage (Mr. M), arrived. Mr. M was obsessed with one thing: following company policies. He didn’t care if policies were outdated, inefficient, or outright absurd—if the rule existed, you had to follow it perfectly. And he loved catching people not complying.
One Monday morning, he called a meeting to lecture us on “policy adherence.” He ended his speech with, “If it’s in the manual, you follow it. No exceptions.” I’m not a fan of being micromanaged, but hey, rules are rules, right?
I knew that our company’s policy manual hadn’t been updated in years, and some policies were… questionable. So, I decided to have a little fun.
One of the most outdated rules was about how to handle printed documents. According to this gem, any printed company document—no matter how minor—needed to be reviewed and stamped by our “Document Compliance Officer” before being distributed. Oh, and guess what? That position had been eliminated in a round of budget cuts two years ago. But hey, Mr. M said no exceptions.
The next day, I printed out a standard quarterly report that everyone in the office needed. When people asked for it, I told them, “Sorry, I can’t distribute it until it’s been reviewed and stamped.” I sent an email to Mr. M asking where I could find the nonexistent Document Compliance Officer. He came storming over to my desk, confused.
Mr. M: “Just send out the report!” Me: “I’d love to, but as per company policy, it needs to be reviewed and stamped first. Where should I send it?” Mr. M: Pauses and glares “Just… follow the policy.”
I nodded enthusiastically and let it be. Word spread quickly, and soon everyone in the office was “complying” with every arcane policy in the manual.
Karen from HR? She started enforcing the dress code policy that required all employees to wear “business formal attire” at all times. Suddenly, everyone was showing up in suits and ties, and people in accounting were running spreadsheets in cocktail dresses.
Jake from Marketing? He made sure to send a request to Mr. Micromanage every time he needed to make a 10-cent photocopy, as per the ancient policy that “all expenditures, no matter how minor, must be approved by management.”
By the end of the week, the entire office was a disaster. People were wasting time and resources, projects were delayed, and everyone was cranky from wearing stiff, formal clothes. Mr. M tried to reprimand us, but we just kept saying, “Sorry, sir. Just following the policies, like you said!”
It only took one week of chaos for Mr. M to call another meeting, where he begrudgingly told us to “use common sense” instead of following every single policy. He even promised to update the manual.
And that, my friends, is how our office turned into a temporary circus of hilarious compliance—until our boss finally learned that some rules are meant to be bent.