This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/WegianWarrior on 2024-11-02 20:31:51+00:00.

Bjin Adrkid, First Class Celestial Adept, was standing rigidly to attention as the Astral Imperator silently read the charges laid before the military court. Bjin knew what the charges said, of course, as the Stellar Warden had made Bjin caligraph the final document himself. Finally the Imperator looked silently at Bjin, waiting for the condemned to plead his case.

“Your Graciousness!” Bjin said, more calmly than he felt, “While it is true, as has been alleged, that I did leave the Terran Liaison Officer alone for a mere moment when I performed a shameful but needful deed in the Necessity, I would humbly offer up an explanation before I am to be demoted and sent to the penal battalion.”

A slight wiggle from the Imperator - an offer to carry on, but not waste the courts time.

“It is also true that the Terran Liaison Officer was entrusted to my protection, although I was not fully aware of my task included protecting us from him.”

The Imperator studied her claws, seemingly oblivious to what Bjin was saying.

“As can be seen from the deposition,” Bjin went on, encouraged by not being told to be quiet, “Liaison Officer Second Lieutenant Fuzz have the necessary clearance to have been present in the Base’s War Chamber, and also comes very highly recommended by his War Chief - or General, as our human allies call them.”

The Imperator seemed engrossed in the stitching on the arm of her elaborate uniform.

“It is true that Second, while I was distracted by the needful, in a desire to impress, took it upon himself to - as he will explain - tidy up the area and make things neat.”

Bjin hesitated a heartbeat, as the Imperator’s eyes focused on a lyrak that was buzzing near the ceiling mounted lights.

“While I am sure Your Graciousness can understand the human logic of this,” Bjin went on with a slight tinge of uncertainly in his voice, “I am admittedly unsure what possessed Second to reach the conclusion that having all the status lights on the Big Board in different colours were - to use Second’s own words - untidy.”

Bjin forced himself to keep his gaze steady on the Imperator. The Imperator, on the other tentacle, had her eyes on the buzzing lyrak - which had moved over to a window.

“However, having reached this - to him logical - conclusion, Second started manipulating the switches until all the lights were the same colour. It is my belief - nay, hope - that he failed to grasp that this simultaneously meant disabling the base’s perimeter defences while at the same time launching all offensive weaponry.” Bjin carried on, fearign what he was about to say next, “Not having a target programmed, these weapons worked as designed and homed in on the nearest settlement - this being as Your Graciousness is well aware Her Majesty’s summer residence.”

The eyes of the Imperator suddenly focused on Bjin. She tapped a claw on a paragraph of the charges as her eyes shoot a question at Bjin.

“I know Your Gracefulness, it is a small mercy that it is wintertime.” Bjin said with a small measure of resignation in his voice, “A mercy I will be reminded of for the rest of my natural lifespan, I am fully aware.”

The Imperator seemingly lost interest in Bjin again. Bjin took a deep, steadying breath as he prepared to present his only hope for being acquitted.

“I have asked Second to be here today to verify the truthfulness of my explanation, so I will ask him to… to…” Bjin almost lost his composure as he looked around frantically for the Terran officer, “Oh bugger, he’s wandered of again…”