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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/undercover_union145 on 2024-11-05 04:28:42+00:00.

So obligatory not today but over a decade ago years ago.

When I met my wife I was severely overweight and decided a couple years after dating to love myself and lose weight before we got married. I lost a good amount of weight on my own but during our engagement I decided to try a nutritionist and program to get in my best shape for the wedding. During that time I was on the Keto diet and the month before the wedding went pretty strict and even abstained from alcohol. That is the basic background leading up to the wedding.

Now on to the day, so I am the lightest I have been. Feeling good, and still going strong no carbs but I was nervous as hell. I married the most beautiful and kindest woman I know I didn’t feel worthy of her love but knew it was going to be alright. Naturally since my best man was getting ready with me he offered me a drink at first beer but I didn’t want the carbs so instead a few shots of vodka, low carbs so cool I’m down. I had about 3 shots which after they hit helped calm me down. After the church about 2 hours later we had a couple more drinks on the bus going to pictures before the reception. I was shocked how hard these drinks were hitting me but enjoying the time and not thinking much of it.

I had eaten that day but again no carbs. This is where it is important to know and I had no way of knowing at the time. CARBS BREAK DOWN ALCOHOL TO BE PROCESSED IN THE LIVER. So if you are not having any carbs you’re gonna get more drunk for LONGER.

Now we are at the photos in a beautiful park and I am hammered. I stumble through the photos but not messing them up too much luckily. After the photo we have another drink and head to the reception. Now I can usually handle my liquor but today I could not hold anything. When we got to the reception I barely remember anything so everything here on was told to me the next day when I woke up in a hospital bed.

Apparently the beginning of the night went smooth got through first dances, dinners, and speeches. Then the party really started, apparently when Mr.Worldwide came on I took my shirt off and was swinging it around, I gave my new wife an impromptu lap dance (everyone thought it was funny), and did shots with my grandmother. Then as the night was wrapping up I wanted some dessert and went to get myself a piece of cake. We had been gifted a cake cutting set by my parents that had been a family heirloom. Now at this point I was starting to experience alcohol poisoning can as I went to cut the cake I passed out and fell onto the knife. It went into my forearm and I was bleeding decently. My wife ran up to me getting blood on her dress (clearly white) and I was transported to get my stomach pumped, the blade removed and arm stitched up.

While my wife was understandably furious she was happy it only happened near the end of the night when guests had left and I was ok. Needless to say I always have pizza when I drink now.

TL;DR TIFU by giving myself alcohol poisoning at my wedding cause I was doing the Keto diet