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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-11-06 05:01:08+00:00.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Lanky-Ad2666, account now deleted

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for kicking out my dad after he said he “couldn’t afford to feed me anymore”?

Trigger Warnings: entitlement, financial exploitation, probable child abuse/neglect

Original Post: October 27, 2024

Throwaway.

Here’s the backstory. 28M, got my own house now. Moved out at 18, not really by choice—my dad basically pushed me out. Our relationship’s been rocky since then. He’s always been a huge drinker and smoker, which caused plenty of issues back then. Fast forward, he lost his house a couple of months ago, didn’t keep up with loan payments. So he calls me up, says he needs a place to stay while he gets back on his feet.

I laid out a few ground rules: either pay rent ($400) or cover groceries (about $250-300), and absolutely no smoking in the house. He laughs, says “I’m your father; I shouldn’t have to pay.” But I don’t budge, so he reluctantly agrees to buy groceries.

From the moment he moves in, it’s just one problem after another. Leaves a mess everywhere, doesn’t clean up, smokes inside even though I made it clear that’s a no-go, and drinks like there’s no tomorrow. Then, one day, I have a girl over—and he just has this meltdown over it. So I tell him, listen, if he can’t respect my space, he’ll have to find somewhere else to stay.

Things settle for a bit, but last week, he hits me with “I don’t have the money to buy groceries this month.” I’m like, why? He says, “Well, you eat a lot,” and admits he spent all his cash on smokes and drinks. That was it for me. I was done with him acting like he owned the place, done with the flashbacks to dealing with him as a teen. I told him to pack up and leave.

So… AITAH? I set clear boundaries, he didn’t follow through.

Edit: I never thought my post would garner so many reactions. I’m glad I’m not TA, and thank you all for your support. I’d like to clear out a few things-

1. No we didn’t have a formal contract when he moved in. It was oral based. Kicking him out won’t be easy, as police don’t tend to offer much support to a son in relation to the father. The societal response is that a son should take care of his old parents.

2. This was one of the reasons I agreed to take him in. Like if I could do something good for him, maybe he’d change his view about me. The feeling of being validated by my own dad after years of neglect was strong, ngl. I see now how foolish it was to take him in.

3. How I’d get him out if he refuses to leave? He would go out to buy his supplies, I’d change locks the moment he leaves, and go out too. If he breaks anything, then it’s cop time.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. His ‘I shouldn’t have to pay’ showed his respect for you before he even moved in. Give him a months notice maybe, but that is as far as your charity should go.

OOP: I gave him until the first week of November. The only things he actually needs to pack are his drinks and smokes. He had stored almost everything from his house in storage.

Commenter 2: NTA. Kick him out. Apparently, losing his own house wasn’t consequence enough for him to realise that he needs to change some things in his life. So, as he disrespected your reasonable rules, he needs to feel the consequences by losing the place he could stay again.

And in case he gets family and friends involved, what inevitably will happen, you can tell everybody who says you should let him stay, that they are welcome to open their home for your dad and offer him to stay with them.

OOP: I’m already painted black in front of most family members. I don’t know what they’re going to tell me which they haven’t already said earlier lol.

Commenter 3: NTA. I’m guessing at some point he’s used the phrase “my house, my rules”, and that’s a sword that cuts both ways.

OOP: He did. He most definitely did.

Update: October 30, 2024

He moved out today. Sorry to disappoint y’all, but the process was surprisingly peaceful.

The day of the last post, my dad told me he needed to talk. I braced myself. What he said was totally unexpected and welcome for me. He said that he couldn’t bear the disrespect I’ve shown him, and he was never going to contact me again. His words, “You failed me as a son”. I told him if he needed help in the future he could contact me, but he must abide by some conditions. He scoffed and said he was leaving soon and didn’t talk to me again. He left today.

As I said earlier in the first post, he had little to pack, and had most of his possessions in storage. He didn’t tell me where he was going, and didn’t bid adieu. Ngl I was comfortable with it. A toxic part of my life was being erased. I’m feeling a different kind of freedom, which I haven’t felt even after I left home. Where he goes now is none of my concern, although I would have liked to atleast know where he’s going.

Oh well this is the update. Maybe a bit disappointing for this sub, but I personally am very relieved how this played out. Thank you all for the advice and all the responses, this meant a lot.

Back to lurking with my main account. Peace✌️

Top Comments

Commenter 1: We can only be thankful when the trash takes itself out. Grats on your newfound peace

Commenter 2: Change the locks and monitor your credit history for a while. Better to be safe than sorry. Congrats & I hope you make the list of your independence

Commenter 3: Actually, I’m glad that it was a peaceful exit. I’m even more glad of how you stood up for yourself and didn’t fall for the okeydoke he tried to hit you with. You did a lot of growing to refuse to fit back into the box of being a child in regards to dealing with him. You’re an adult, and if he has a problem accepting and respecting that, then leaving was what he needed to do, and it’s good that he did.

Bravo.

Editor’s note: Marking this as concluded since OOP’s father has moved out of the house and OOP also deleted the throwaway account

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

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