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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-11-09 06:06:38+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is Cathene70. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warning: mention of spanking

Mood Spoiler: encouraging ending

Original Post: October 30, 2024

This happened two weeks ago, and I do think that I am an asshole in showing it to him and making his son be really ticked off at me.

My(55 F) friend (35 M) has a 10 year old son, who for the past month on the weekends would go beyond his curfew of 9 pm to get off the computer and get ready for bed by 10 pm. He would get off the computer like around midnight but in the middle of the night, my friend would hear his son’s computer turn on around 3 am.

I went over to bring him some boxes as he and his son are moving to a new apartment in a new city in three weeks. While we were sitting down and drinking coffee and shooting the breeze about the joys of moving, thankfully, he had paid vacation time and PTO that he hadn’t used up yet. He made mention about his son on the weekends staying up past his 9 pm curfew on getting off the computer to get ready for bed and then hearing him get up in the middle of the night to play on the computer.

I made an offhand suggestion about setting a timer for his computer to turn off. He looked at me like I grew two heads. He asked is that even possible?

I was like yeah, just look on the computer. We had to look up how to put it on, by googling it. He never knew he could set a timer for the computer to turn off. He even googled if it was possible to set the timer to allow the computer to be turned on, I didn’t even think that was possible, till we found it on google.

So we got the son’s computer set to turn off at 9 pm and wake up at 6 am.

He was very proud of himself for setting it up. I had told him that his son will get used to the boundaries now. Do tell him the consequences of his actions has warranted a new punishment if he doesn’t follow curfew by getting off the computer by 9 pm.

Well, I got a phone call that night from my friend, his son was ticked off about his computer turning off at 9 pm. I could hear his son screaming at him for being a bad father and that he’s going to be reported for this at school. I told him, the school won’t do anything beyond asking what you did, might want to drop him off and go speak with the principal about this, so whatever your son tries to get you into trouble, would be canceled out by you talking to the principal and the teacher probably would be sent a message pertaining to him so he cannot get you into any trouble since this happens at the library and at our school computers too.

My friend asked me if we did the right thing by doing this to him. I told him we did the right thing, he has to learn how to make due with the time he has on the computer before it shuts down, like he has to when he goes to the public library on Saturday, as the computers there shuts down at 4:45 pm.

His son has been constantly screaming at him for allowing me to destroy his computer time, and it is constant for the last two weeks. I seriously feel like I am the AH in this as I cheated his son out of being responsible with his computer time, but his dad asked me for advice and I gave it and his dad did it.

Some of OOP’s Comments:

Commenter: NTA Child is throwing a childish tantrum. Dealing with them is part of being a parent.

OOP: That’s what I told my friend, but he feels like he’s also the AH. I told him you told him there will be consequences and now he has it. He’ll get used to it.

Commenter: NTA - Children need structure and boundaries. This no different than having a bedtime set at 9pm to have to turn the TV off and go to bed. So, the kid threatening to report the parent to his school for…parenting, is nonsense. The school will probably laugh at him. I know I would if he complained about this.

OOP: His school already been informed about it the next day about the new timer on the computer, the principal thinks that is a genius idea to enforce curfew for the kid, since this kid has been in trouble with falling asleep in class. He actually asked how did you do it, my friend told him that he and his best friend googled it and set it up.

He told me that the principal is putting it in the monthly school newsletter that is sent out to all the parents. He said this might help the parents keep the kids from becoming too obsessed about being online all the time.

Commenter: NTA, you gave your friend the tools to parent his child, apparently. How exactly a 10 yo gets away with being on the computer 3+ hours past curfew is a wonder.

Seems like the expected reaction from a 10 yo when they get something taken away. You didn’t set the rules and you are not enforcing them, you just enabled your friend to parent effectively.

OOP: Thank you.

I think in time his son will learn to accept the new restriction as my friend told me that when he gets to be 14, the timer will change from 9 pm to 10 pm, as homework will be harder and will require longer time online. I think that is fair for him since junior high or middle school for some might be hard on him as it was hard on me back in the day.

The kid likes to claim to have turn the computer off by turning off the monitor and acting like he’s about to get into bed, his dad has caught him several times, spanked him and told him to go to bed.

I’m just glad to be of help to my friend.

Commenter: NTA Why would you consider yourself TA for sharing parenting tips. We parents do that all the time. BTW did you tell your friend what he did on the computer can be done for the TV and other electronic devices. Have you shared with him how to lock down his router and change the password. That one is the favorite I pull out and share all time. Your kid doesn’t want to do chores. Cut off the internet.

OOP: His son is mainly fixated on the computer, so the TV is his domain. I will suggest to him about the router and changing the password on it weekly to throw the kid off at times.

His son does do chores, it is just when he gets on his computer, nothing will take him off it. Till I showed his dad how to turn the computer off at a certain time.

OOP is voted NTA

Update (Same Post): November 2, 2024 (3 days later)

UPDATE: I showed my friend this thread this morning at breakfast and he sends his thanks to everyone for their comments and since I had posted he has moved to his new home in his new city.

He has told his son that actions has consequences. He has been a bit lax on the punishment as he had to work two jobs to keep a roof over their heads and everything else, till last month when his boss gave him a nice raise and a bonus for his hard work, which warranted the move to the new apartment which is closer to his job and he has quit his other job so he could focus more on his son.

With him being the sole parental unit his son has, he has admitted that he allowed him to be without severe punishments which got us to this thread as he was worried about his sleep schedule for school.

His son has gotten used to the timer on the computer and he’s doing better as he and his son had a long talk about the computer and his son admits that he was getting too attached to his computer and the games he plays on the computer. To which I am impressed with how open his son was with realizing that he was getting too attached to something that was causing him problems.

His son has accepted the timer in the end and the doubt that he did wrong by his son no longer troubles his mind. He thanks everyone even those who told him that he was a bad dad, he’s learning and growing.

[Editor’s note- marked as concluded because OOP feels good about her decision and isn’t questioning herself anymore!]