This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/nosleep by /u/Bongobongosrevenge on 2024-11-09 20:39:48+00:00.
"Hey, I just got a complaint that some guy is washing his dick in the men’s room sink, can one of you guys go deal with this? I had to kick the mad shitter out this morning, again.”
I groaned, then picked my radio up to answer.
“Alright Connor, but did the mad shitter try to kiss you again this time?” I said, grinning into my radio like he could see me.
“Fuck you, she had a handful of shit ready to go. I really don’t know why she hates the GAP store so much. We seriously need guys posted at the front doors of this place at all times.”
“Alright buddy, I’m almost at the bathroom, I’ll get back to you.”
I walked into the men’s bathroom, and sure enough, there was an older, homeless looking man with his junk in the sink.
“Hey, man, you gotta stop what you’re doing. I can’t have you washing your dick off in the sink here.”
“My dick?” The man replied perplexed, not stopping what he was doing for even a second. “Ohhhh! You must mean my wand!” he replied.
I groaned. “Whatever you say pal, just put it back in your pants, for the love of god.”
“No can do, I’m affected by evil ailments, I must cleanse the dark juices off before it is too late.”
I had had just about enough of this and walked up behind the man to detain him but he spun around with the quickness of a gazelle, startling me.
“I THINK NOT!” He exclaimed, jumping away from me. “I am a warlock of the highest caliber! I have been protecting this realm before you were a twinkle in your fathers eye.”
“Look, this doesn’t have to be difficult, I just need you to go and we can put this all behind us.”
“DID YOU HEAR THAT?! THEY’RE BACK!.”
The man screamed and started to windmill his dick around in a circle and began to piss. I ran out of the bathroom and grabbed my radio to fill my coworkers in on the situation and get some backup. There was no way in hell I was about to wrestle with a half naked pissing lunatic in a failing malls bathroom alone.
A few minutes later I finally saw Connor and my other coworker, Jeff, strolling down the hallway to the washrooms.
“Took your sweet time guys”.
“Relax, I wasn’t about to face off with your boyfriend on an empty stomach” Jeff said, sucking doughnut frosting off of his fingers.
Conner sighed “ok guys, we gotta work together here, we go in single file and surround this weirdo.”
We all agreed and Jeff (bald, buff and the most intimidating of us) went in first.
“Helloooo? Mr wizard? Are you… oh god damn it!”
Me and Connor quickly ran in and noticed the air vent had been ripped off of the wall.
“This asshole went down to the basement!” Jeff yelled.
“What a pain in the ass, I guess we better go find him.” Connor said, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb like an annoyed dad.
We made our way through the employees only doors and down a small hallway of offices until we reached a locked set of double doors. After trying almost half the keys on the cartoonishly large mall key ring, I heard a click and the knob turned. There was a rickety old set of wooden steps in front of us leading down to basement.
I turned on the little flashlight I keep on my security belt next to my taser and proceeded down the steps. Every board creaked and groaned underneath me and the middle of the steps bowed, threatening to break the deeper I descended.
I made it to the bottom and began looking around for a light switch when I heard a scream followed by a crash behind me. I spun around to see Jeff had fallen through the stairs, taking most of them with him.
“Jesus fuck! You ok down there?” I heard Connor yell from above us.
“I’m fine, I slipped in something” Jeff said, brushing himself off. “But there’s no chance we’re getting back up that way. Go look for a ladder or something while we look for that little shit ball.”
I could see Connor nod and dart away from the door as me and Jeff explored the room. I found the small beaded chain from an overhead light hanging from the ceiling and pulled it, illuminating the room in a warm fluorescent glow. Unfortunately, I could now also see that the room we were in was covered with thick, wet looking black mold that consumed the walls and ceiling.
“That’s the shit I slipped in, it’s sticking like glue.” Jeff said, scraping his boot across the concrete floor.
Behind me was the malls HVAC system for ventilation, unlabeled boxes of odds and ends, a few fake Christmas trees and… a trap door that led somewhere deeper then we already were.
“Well, he’s not in here. Let’s check that out.” Jeff said, pointing at the trap door.
“We don’t know if he’s down there, we should wait for Connor.”
“Well he’s certainly not in this room, but he came this way.” Jeff gestured at a piece of ventilation that had been kicked open.
Jeff wrenched the heavy looking door open and I was starting to feel claustrophobic just watching him descend the ladder.
“I really don’t know about this Jeff…” I started to say.
“Oooooooh spooky hole in the ground, I’m shaking like Michael J Fox. C’mon pussy, get your ass down here!” Jeff snapped at me.
I followed Jeff down the ladder into some cement tunnel that seemed to stretch endlessly. I cautiously walked behind Jeff being careful not to touch the mold covered walls. Eventually the tunnel split into three different directions, then three more different directions.
“What is this?” I asked.
“City’s old. People used to use these underground tunnels to connect businesses together. Made it easy for city repairmen to get from place to place faster or some shit.” Jeff replied.
That’s when I noticed the mold Jeff had slipped in had made its way from his boot all the way up his leg.
“Jeff, your leg-” I started to say, but the words caught in my throat. Jeff tried brushing it off with his hands but it clung to them and began rapidly spreading up his massive arms onto his face.
“What the fu-” Jeff couldn’t even finish his sentence before his mouth began filling up with that black slime. He made some awful gurgling noises and I saw the black shit streaming out of his tear ducks as he clawed at his face before collapsing onto the ground.
“Jeff? Jeff?!” I yelled, I wanted to shake him but I didn’t want that shit getting on me too. Then I heard a voice from behind me.
“I see it got your friend”
I just about jumped out of my skin. I shined my flashlight up to see the homeless man from the bathroom walking toward me.
“I warned you about the sinister things!” He screamed running up to Jeff and blocking my view of him.
“What is this shit, what do you know?!”
“It’s from hell, it’s from space! It’s from the sixth dimension!!” The man began rambling nonsense off at a machine guns pace. I was so distracted I didn’t even notice Jeff slowly getting to his feet until his huge hands clamped over the hobos mouth.
He slid his hands into the tramps mouth, one on the bottom jaw and the other on the top and slowly began pulling them apart. I watched the mans flesh tearing away and heard a snap! As his jaw broke. Then Jeff completely ripped the top portion of the man’s head off, leaving only the bottom jaw attached to his neck.
Jeff’s eyes were completely black and the mold was flowing out of his mouth and nose like a faucet. Then he slowly began to grin at me, I screamed and ran, trying desperately to retrace my steps all while Jeff thundered after me. Eventually I found the ladder and climbed it back into the basement, I struggled to close the heavy steel door but I got a surge of adrenaline as I heard footsteps climbing the metal rings of the ladder and slammed it shut behind me.
I stacked some heavy boxes on top of the door but I can still hear Jeff punching at it.
I don’t know when, but at some point, I got some of that mold on myself too. If I don’t move, it seems to slow down the spread of it, but it’s still slowly making its way up my body.
I hope Connor gets back soon, I’ve been yelling but nobody’s even come to check. If he takes to long, I’m afraid of what might happen to him. What I might do to him.