This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/truscum by /u/throwaway103257 on 2024-11-13 06:41:58+00:00.

(For clarity, my sibling is afab and identifies as a man, and I will refer to him with he/him pronouns.)

My sibling came out to me as ftm in 2020 (at age 14-15), several months before he came out to the rest of our family. At the time, I was 100% on board with supporting him, and when he never did anything to look more masculine, I figured it was because he wasn’t ready to be out publicly yet.

But then he came out to our mother. She was sad, but was ultimately supportive, even offering to help him buy more masculine clothing (which he always refused). She got him sports bras, which worked great, but he only wore them a few times and stopped because it was “too uncomfortable.” He talks a lot about “when I get on T” but is now 18 and has not made any effort to get hormones. Our entire immediate family is supportive, but he doesn’t seem to be doing anything.

I’m just getting less and less convinced. I remember there were very early warning signs that I didn’t think much about. Like he was doubting that he was trans, wondering if maybe it was because his best online friend at the time had also recently come out as ftm, and when consulting another trans man about this self doubt, he was told something like “if you’re doubting yourself that means you are probably trans.” He still wears dresses, and doesn’t make any effort to hide his chest (though he does not show it off either) - he dresses more feminine than me and I’m a cis woman. He seemed to be fine with his hair growing out and didn’t really bother with masculine cuts. And he recently told me that he likes his voice and is not looking forward to it dropping when he goes on T. Just what does he want to get out of T? Not to mention his favorite anime are things like Yuri on Ice, Sk8 the Infinity, and Bungou Stray Dogs, which are all extremely popular with fujoshi. I remember briefly questioning whether I was a trans man during my small fujoshi era when I was a young teen (then realizing that no, I’m just attracted to men). There were no signs when he was a child that he could have been male.

I’m just getting a little worried. Does he feel that he’s gotten in too deep to step away from it? Does he think his friends will be disappointed with him if he goes back? I am concerned that whatever the problem is that makes him feel uncomfortable with his femininity will not be fixed with T. I’ve dealt with a lot of internalized misogyny, which led to me questioning my gender quite a few times, and realized that I am fine physically being a woman - I was just dealing with self hatred. Transitioning would have likely made things so much worse for me, and I’m glad I came to terms with my gender.

I’m not sure what I should do, or if there’s anything I can do. We are very close, and I want to talk to him about this. Telling him that I don’t think he’s trans will probably just push him away, but I’ve been thinking of opening him up to the idea of being “genderfluid,” that way he will have more of an avenue to reflect on his femininity without removing himself from the trans community. I’m curious what you guys think. I post here because you guys don’t have that black and white “if you say you’re trans then you are trans” mentality. I’m open to criticism if you think I just don’t understand what he’s going through - frankly, that would be reassuring to hear.