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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-11-16 05:01:05+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Flat-Ad-471
Originally posted to r/AITAH
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[New Update]: WIBTAH if I drop out of a friend’s wedding after not being invited to the bachelorette
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
Original Post: October 2, 2024
Hi! So I 25F am currently being pushed back and forth with my choice and I thought the lovely people of Reddit might be able to rein me in
i am currently 13 weeks pregnant and my friends around me have all been very happy and excited for me, however my childhood friend 25F, let’s call her Lisa. Stonewalled me since I announced at 8 weeks, I had assumed it was wedding stress but now I’m seconding guessing this.
In the weekend I was scrolling instagram and I came across a post where she had thanked everyone for coming to her bachelorette, photos of it’s the girls and her smiling in the middle and I sorta sat there shocked. At first I tried to be mature and just let it go… but this was a girl I grew up with, she was a bridesmaid in my wedding party and I’m a honorary bridesmaid for hers ( she’s not having a wedding party )
In the end I guess hormones took over and I ended up reaching out to her, at first I went “ oh looks like fun! “ and she replied that it was and after a tub of ice cream and a good sob I reached out and went “ hey, uh sorry to be this person but why wasn’t I invited? “
She immediately messaged me back with the response:
“Tbh the whole day was centred around drinking (wineries and heading to town after) and im not sure you would have enjoyed being around all of us drunk af especially cause your pregnant right now. I get that an invite would have been nice regardless, but in all honestly I just wanted to keep it very small. I’m really sorry you feel that way, but I don’t want to make this a big thing bc I’ve already had a shit week “
I tried to respond with hey thanks for getting back to me but I’m still upset cause the day is about you and I wanted to be there to celebrate you and then she rung me and just asked me to not make this a big thing once again and she sounded incredibly annoyed and like the door mat I am I dropped it
after thinking this over for the past few days I’m feeling very hurt and heartbroken, this was a girl I grew up with and loved and supported through a lot of shit, I’ve helped her plan and prepare a lot of her wedding so to suddenly get iced out like this I’m feeling a certain way.
my husband suggests we don’t go and I’m on the edge, so Reddit WIBTAH if I declined going to her wedding and distancing myself?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA with a few YTAs and ESHs
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: I suppose whether you go or not depends on whether you enjoy weddings and whether you think you will enjoy being in the company of all those friends who went on the bachelorette party and never uttered a word about it to you.
OOP: The issue is I’m considered one of her old friends, we grew up in a small town and moved to same city, we both took different paths in life. Both in jobs and social circles but I had always been invited to birthdays and events… and while I might not be friends with her be group of friends they definitely know of me
But you make a good point, and something to consider
Commenter 2: NTA. Her saying “don’t make this a big thing” would piss me off. If you guys are close then she 100% should have at least invited you. The whole it’s my wedding and I can invite and do what I want is true, however that doesn’t mean you have no consequences for your decisions.
To me she doesn’t consider you as good of a friend as you may think.
Commenter 3: “I’m a honorary bridesmaid for hers ( she’s not having a wedding party )”
What the heck is this. is it a new fad I haven’t heard of or a way to get more partying and gifts from your friends without having them in the wedding ?
in any case WNBTA for ghosting her wedding. She deliberately did something that she knew would hurt your feelings and told you not to make a big thing out of it
Update #1 October 2, 2024 (same day, 17 hours later)
Hi! Hope this is allowed but you were all so wonderful and helpful and turns out I got an update sooner then I expected
so I haven’t heard from Lisa, that I expected
what I didn’t expect is a friend of Lisa to get in touch with me, let’s call her Sarah, I knew of Sarah and spoke to her a few times at events we attended together and she was one of the girls with myself went wedding dress shopping for Lisa, she was also a friend I noticed wasn’t at the bachelorette which was a surprise anyway and at first she was doing a “ hey how are you “ and we did polite small talk blah blah until she finally went “ so are you as pissed off and mad as I am at Lisa OP? “
Immediately I was slightly shocked as the few times I had met Sarah she was very I guess demure?
That opened the floodgates of information and she told me everything she knows, so what I didn’t put in the post is I actually waited 2 days before messaging Lisa about the lack of invite… turns out 3 of Lisa’s friends who also weren’t invited hit her up immediately after she posted on instagram asking why they weren’t invited
turns out these girls absolutely chewed Lisa alive and my “ confrontational “ was soft and finally it was revealed what actually happened and now I’m even more confused
so Lisa admitted to Sarah that her sister in law planned the bachelorette and just decided she was only going to invite the friends she knew… so Lisa’s usual group of 8- 10 friends including me got narrowed down into 4 and Lisa decided not to correct her sister in law and just went with it, not realizing how many people she would be upsetting with not inviting people
apparently once people started attacking her she basically Lisa buried her head in sand and started making up lies to everyone on why they weren’t invited and using the same excuse of “ don’t make this a big deal “ until everyone realized the reasons were bullshit and called her out for it and the real truth came out
Sarah has informed me the girls who weren’t invited have all pulled out of the wedding, their partners included because they got the same annoyed response from Lisa before she told the truth and they all thought they didn’t deserve that… then she finally asked me what Lisa told me and I went deathly quiet on the phone before finally admitting she used my pregnancy as a excuse which then started poor Sarah on another rant of anger on how Lisa could say that to me! When I’m pregnant… anyway we ended the call and she hoped we could get coffee sometime so I think I’ve made a friend?
so… that’s the update… this pregnant lady is very confused… and I’m currently the number one buyer of ice cream at my local dairy LOL
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: NTA she made it very clear that you and the group are not her friendship priority anymore. Perhaps her new SIL and her gang will be there to replace you guys. At least that is what she is making it seems.
Are her in laws paying for the majority of the wedding? Is she one of those pleasers that play along with the most annoying person so she can feel part of the group? You know she is in deep trouble, right? Her SIL must be some sort of single b each that likes to impose over others desire.
But the way, congrats on the baby. 13 weeks so so?
OOP: Exactly 13 weeks and 5 days!
And frankly I don’t know what to make of the in-laws, I know for a fact she’s ( Lisa ) paying for most of the wedding… I will be honest I don’t particularly like her fiancé all though I’ve never outright told her just relayed my concerns
one of the reasons they actually have no bridal party was because the groom demanded 5, he had 5 guy friends he was close to and while Lisa has multiple friends they all work in fields where not everyone has time to take out for events… therefor a lot of them turned her down… I think I was one of 3 who said yes
In the end I know it turned into a massive argument between the two and the groom finally stomped his feet and said no wedding party then! and so Lisa went around giving out the honorary title and asked certain people to wear a certain colour… it’s all rather sad actually
and then the groom asked her to make his SIL MOH cause she means a lot to him… a lot of 🚩🚩🚩 But she’s also the kinda person where it for a second you negatively comment on her relationship she cuts you off so I’ve always just been supportive in the background
Lisa should not had lied to OOP and other friends for not inviting them to the bachelorette party
OOP: I think that’s why I’m now confused and I’ve gone from “ yeah I’m not going! “ to “ awh shit… “
Because I can see both sides, Lisa was an idiot for not reaching out to everyone before posting on instagram about the situation… and is probably stressed out of her mind right now
It’s kinda why I’m glad once I got the annoyed phone call from her I just dropped it and went inwards where it sounds like the other girls went “ nah fuck that “
So I’m very much on the fence right no…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1gsfyib/new_update_wibtah_if_i_drop_out_of_a_friends/
Lisa should not had lied to OOP and other friends for not inviting them to the bachelorette party
OOP: I think that’s why I’m now confused and I’ve gone from “ yeah I’m not going! “ to “ awh shit… “
Because I can see both sides, Lisa was an idiot for not reaching out to everyone before posting on instagram about the situation… and is probably stressed out of her mind right now
It’s kinda why I’m glad once I got the annoyed phone call from her I just dropped it and went inwards where it sounds like the other girls went “ nah fuck that “
So I’m very much on the fence right now and im sorta waiting to see if I hear from Lisa… if I’ll ever get the truth like what Sarah did or if she’s willing to let me believe I didn’t get invited cause the lemon sized fetus in my womb is a buzz killer
Update #2: October 8, 2024 (six days later)
Guys… I want off this train 🤣
So minor and small update
so as mentioned in my previous post Lisa and I are childhood friends, and our mothers are friends.
I finally shared what had happened with my mum and first mum was so upset for me but also gave me an “ I told you so OP you are too much of a doormat ( thanks mum ) but she then said I have a big heart and sometimes people tend to use and abuse it ( ONCE AGAIN THANKS MUM ). “
anyway… mum then gave more tea, more gossip So apparently while Lisa has been telling people that she’s paying for her wedding out of her own pocket, turns out a big fat lie! Lisa’s mother had been sending her money and from what my mother told me it was a decent chunk of change, how do we know this? Well Lisa’s mum went to my mum upset because one thing I forgot to notice is Lisa’s mum wasn’t wasn’t invited to the bachelorette party
( context for people outside nz, we don’t have bridal parties so usually what people do is the older generation gets invited to like dinner and then the younger girls go out and party if you have a piss up, if you don’t have a piss up and just do a more chilled bachelorette then mum will be there the whole time, like mine )
So Lisa mother was distraught because she had been sending Lisa a decent amount of cash, had been told she wasn’t allowed to give her opinion about anything to do with the wedding and then wasn’t invited to her bachelorette… and Lisa’s mother is honestly a nice lady so to hear that it kinda broke my heart and if I had known Lisa’s mother was sending money I would have told Lisa to pull her head in
my mum then had to break the news about why I wasn’t invite to the bachelorette and Lisa’s poor mother was mortified
So that’s the update… is it even an update? I don’t know… I’m just very sad at this point cause I don’t know where my friend has gone? If she’s there anymore? Is this a bridezilla moment? I don’t know…
My ice cream journey though, I read everyone people have been loving this pregnancy ladies carving so allow me to indulge, recently I tried the Ben and Jerries banoffee flavor and it was very good, I wish the caramel swirl was mixed throughout all the ice cream but beggars can’t be choosers, and I had the most amazing strawberry sorbet the other day! Honestly so good I almost asked the ice cream shop for a tub of it but I had self control!
Additional Information from OOP
OOP: I would like to acknowledge quickly in the comments that just because my friends mum was sending her money doesn’t make her mum entitled to change things about the wedding, but looking back on conversations I have had with Lisa I know for a fact her poor mum got absolutely stone walled when it came to offering suggestions…
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: You know, I’m not sure I believe this story about how Lisa’s SIL set the guest list. I think that might be a lie Lisa was telling to Sarah to try to excuse her actions. If that’s the case, Lisa totally threw her SIL under the bus. Which… does SIL know that she’s being partly blamed for this?
Kinda wonder if Lisa’s mother would appreciate knowing that maybe she wasn’t included because Lisa’s SIL made all the decisions.
OOP: I’m starting to realize that is most definitely the case, SIL has been thrown under the bus cause Lisa is realizing that people don’t take to kindly to being disrespected
as for Lisa’s mum knowing about Lisa’s excuse I don’t know… I’ll talk to my mum and see what she thinks. For now I don’t want to overload the poor woman cause it’s a lot
OOP explains what a piss up is
OOP: It’s kiwi slang for like a party where you would drink a lot of booze
(Editor’s note: OOP is located in New Zealand)
----NEW UPDATE---- Final Update: November 9, 2024 (one month later)
Just wanna give a big thanks to everyone on Reddit for coming along on this wild journey with me, you have all helped me not go insane this past month.
onto the update- so I attended the wedding i know I know you can all boo me in the comments but I was leaning towards not going until I spoke to my mum who ultimately told me this would be a nice way of closing our chapter of friendship, I could walk away with my head held high… later she told me that also Lisa’s mum begged my mum to convince to me attend.
I attended with my husband and I immediately noticed the vibe and aura was completely off.
People of Reddit who are married who will understand me, weddings feel like love, this didn’t… this was technically a instagram picture perfect wedding but it could have been anyone’s wedding… it didn’t feel personal.
My friend barely smiled unless it was photos, her vows were robotic, and the MOH was useless, that was my biggest pet peeve, it is not that hard to see the brides dress needs fluffing or she needs a drink and even I’ll admit I felt no joy watching speeches and how everyone, spoke about the groom and threw something in for the bride at the last second.
The bride acted like we were good, like there was no beef, like the bachelorette thing never happened. I felt strange, I didn’t like it because I know her and she isn’t able to hide her emotions and she wears her emotions on her sleeves so I think she genuinely thinks nothing is wrong between us. She pulled me aside and said how she loved and appreciated me and how she was excited to be an honorary aunty and kept touching my belly and blowing kisses at it. I left the wedding feel a lot of emotions, I know I’m hormonal right now and I feel everything but I just. I don’t know?
But I can sit here and admit the friendship is done, I don’t think I can look at her the same after everything I learnt talking to my mother and with how I was treated. The chapter is closed and other then the bridemaids thing I can look back somewhat fondly on our childhood and time together… planning our marriages out with our bratz dolls. I’ve never been good with friendship break ups but this time I think I am, I think I’ll be okay.
Thank you all for listening to the rambles of this pregnant lady, who has also all enjoyed your ice cream recommendations. You have all expanded my horizons… and I’m sure the little one in my stomach appreciates it too
Signing off
Love OP ❤️
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: What was the reason why she didn’t have her friends at the bachelorette? Was she really that much of a pushover that she didn’t push back when her friends weren’t invited? Or did she really not give a shit?
OOP: In all honestly I do not know, I think this is the part that will forever swirl around in my mind.
Was I not invited cause SIL took over or did she truly not want me there? I don’t know and I think I’m at a stage of while I think about it I don’t actually wanna know
Finding out the truth runs the risk of these semi happy memories I have being tainted, and I think at least while I’m also growing a small human, I don’t want to know
maybe one day I’ll put my big girl panties on and ask but for now I’m content with just wondering
Commenter 2: She will want you back When her marriage is off , stay away . And enjoy motherhood
Commenter 3: She’s totally going to be all over you when your baby is born. Honorary Aunty, my ass.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7 THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
