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The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/BrilliantSprinkles18 on 2024-12-23 23:54:22+00:00.

A few days ago, my company assigned a human security guard to my crew on the tulpar transport ship, I was expecting any human race that was from the interhuman ministry, but it turned out to be a 100% human, that skinless ape irritated me, how was it possible that our security guard was a chubby skinless ape that only spent his time eating?

That’s what I thought when we were attacked by some pirates.

“What is the code for the damn giant turtle cellar?!” Said the pirate chief

“fuck you” i said

Pirate chief: “BY-77, break its shell!”

I saw one of the pirates approach me and throw me to the ground, it was one of those amalgams of living stones, he began to hit my shell over and over again so that I would try to talk, I felt it slowly breaking, he only stopped when in the distant hallway, several cans were heard falling

Pirate chief: “is there anyone else?! BY-77, stay here and watch these turtles, move guys!”

I stayed on the ground while listening to my crew, speaking in fear

“How I hate Velquors, those damn slugs dirty everything, I just cleaned the ship today!”

“This is not the time to complain about cleaning Torvis”

Torvis: “Come on Orryni, when we walk our feet will be all sticky!”

I remained silent, it was possible since the pirates were returning, they found Otis and killed him, you can’t expect much from him

Quickly, we began to hear a violent shooting, the shots resounded throughout the ship with violence, the shooting lasted about 5 or 7 minutes, it was too long for a human like Otis to resist so much.

After a while we heard footsteps, I thought it was some pirate, but me and my crew ran to see what it was… Otis! He was very badly wounded but apparently he came out of the shootout alive, the living rock didn’t turn around because he was only looking at me, I’m not judging him, these amalgams are usually very stupid and follow an order blindly, Otis approached slowly without calling attention, equipped with a space foam extinguisher, used to repair open areas on ships, he used it against the amalgam, this prevented the amalgam from moving

Otis: “Don’t worry guys, activate the emergency communicator, the closest protection unit is arriving here” said Otis while he freed us from the bonds"

“What happened to the pirates?!” said one of my crew members

Otis: “They’re either dead or bleeding out on the ground, you know, having energy bars is useful” he laughed lightly before falling to the ground from bleeding, he was still alive of course, he still had a pulse, so our nurse quickly began to treat his wounds

The next day, everyone agreed that Otis had something to be thankful for, and I, curious, decided to talk to him when he came into the cabin to give me the daily safety briefing. I asked him how he didn’t die because of the pirates’ numerical superiority.

Otis: “Well, Captain Chelodar, can I nickname you Chel?”

I simply nodded

Otis: “You see, having been helping soldiers in the rearguard since you were 15 gives you experience.”

Chelodar: “But, you are in very bad physical shape”

Otis: “It may be, it may be, I’m fat, but instincts never go away, I’m a veteran of the human liberation war, Captain, like almost all of my species, if I showed you a photo of me in 1966, you’d be scared, I was skin and bones at the time because there was almost no food, do you have any other questions? It’s almost time for lunch.”

Chelodar: I thought for a moment about my next answer “How was your participation in your war period?”

Otis: “I was an auxiliary soldier, although I was dedicated to moving ammunition from one place to another. Any other questions, Captain?”

Chelodar: “You can go to lunch Otis”

Otis left, I think that’s why my company hired this human instead of other races, humans are good at security I guess