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The original was posted on /r/hfy by /u/Few_Zookeepergame105 on 2024-12-24 22:02:24+00:00.

The Overseer watched from a safe distance. Thousands of them had gathered at the shore, lying about, cooking, imbibing toxic fluids, and generally, apparently, having a ‘good time’. “Do they not know of the radiation?”

Both Biologic and Anthropic floated nearby, watching the same scene as their master. They’d both been studying the humans for quite some time, and had begun to understand them, at least a little.

Anthropic spoke first, tendrils pointing to a group of younglings. “They seem to do this for recreation. In herd sizes ranging from two or four, to upwards of twenty and more. They often bring appliances for burning meats, flasks or metallic containers of etha-nol, diluted of course, and flavoured, and simply lay about.”

Biologic added," Our chief adviser states that this is known as ‘a holiday’, sometimes a ‘beach party’. "

" But why? What purpose does this serve? Do all humans do this? "

Biologic let Anthropic answer that one. “Well, yes and no. Some humans come from wetter, colder climates. They often travel to planets with warmer standard temperatures, for a week or longer, perhaps once or twice a Sol year.”

“Are they basking, like the nacidovians do?”

“No, Overseer. Humans are warm blooded mammals. They do not wear thermo suits to regulate temperature in the same way cold blooded beings do.”

Anthropic interjected, “Though they do dress according to external temperatures. Thicker clothes in the cold, less or lighter clothing in the heat.”

“I see.” He spoke to a passing human, voice broadcast through an external speaker, “Human, please answer my query. Are you aware of the risks of absorbing copious amounts of ultraviolet light on a biological being such as yourself?”

He paused, quizzical look on his face. “Well, yeah. We’ve been doing this for eons. Love a beer and a barbie on the beach.”

“Are you from Earth originally?”

“That’s right,” he beamed at them. “Australia.”

Biologic and Anthropic both sent the overseer their information on the southern country. The human continued, ignoring the overseer’s surprised bleeps, “Down there, this is considered cold.”

“Cold? You are aware that the sun here is closer to this planet than Sol is to Earth?”

The man shrugged, still smiling. “It is. But we’ve got suncream. Does the trick. Hey,” he pulled a quartet of metallic cans from a satchel, “Fancy a beer?”

Biologic spoke, “We unfortunately cannot partake in the processing of biological substances. But thank you.”

The can hissed as he cracked it, taking a swig. “No worries, more for me.” He sauntered off, sipping his beer, joining a group that appeared to be playing some sort of game involving a flat, circular dish of plastic.

“They sit in the sun, becoming irradiated, dehydrating from ethanol ingestion, cooking themselves that result in cancers and burns, allow children to run about fully exposed. They do this for fun?”

“Indeed, Overseer.” Biologic sent another data pack. “Though they do receive some natural benefits. There are certain vitamins and chemicals produced, much like photosynthesis in plant based life, that humans require.”

“But they could receive these nutrients orally, or by injection, no?”

“Well,” Anthropic spoke now, hesitating, “I belive I am correct in thinking that this is ‘more fun’. Mammals appear to become more active in sunlight and warmth, report of feeling generally better, and seem more amicable than in winter time.”

“It is almost as if they are natural solar batteries.”

Biologic sent a string of ones and zeroes representing mirth. “My team and I have expressed the same idea, Overseer. It seems that their status as deathworlders has given them many odd physiological benefits.”

“They are vulnerable to these benefits, however,” Anthropic said. “They often abuse them, or overdo it, as the chief adviser would put it.”

The overseer floated there, processing silently. Then, “How is Karl? I have not seen him in some time.”

“He is off world, having a holiday.”

“Where?”

“He is on an ice world at the moment.”

The overseer groaned digitally. “You mean they also take holidays in extreme cold, as well?”

“Yes. And at great heights, subterranean locals, deep sea and on barren moons. I can send the full report over, along with Anthropic’s entries on extreme sports, death defying, stunts, dangerous magics, and accounting.”

“Accounting?”

“Yes, Overseer. It seems to be one of the most dangerous human pastimes. They are not geared towards maths, and it seems that sitting in a small space doing sums is very detrimental to their physical and mental health.”

The Overseer broadcast a static buzz of disbelief." Utterly bizarre creatures. What sounds to us like paradise is their worst nightmare. It’s times like this I wish we could drink. By all accounts it sounds like it helps. "

" Well, Overseer, I actually have interesting records on that-“

“No, Biologic, no. That’s enough for now! "

" Very good. Then, if there’s nothing else, I think I might go with Anthropic to study the humans up close. "

" You’re going sun basking, aren’t you? "

" It’s sun bathing, actually. "

" Oh good. Well, that’s fine. Enjoy yourself. You become more like them every day. It concerns us on the higher council that, one day, you may become too human. "

" No, Overseer, " Anthropic said cheerfully," No chance of that. "

" Why not? "

" Well," Biologic said, also cheerily, " Humans don’t have the risk of getting sand in their servos, just catching various illnesses. We’re much safer. "

" Until someone buries you in the sand."

“Oh, we didn’t realise you were aware of that custom.”

“By the universal circuits,” swore the overseer, “Being buried alive for fun! Does their madness know no bounds?”

Biologic raised its tendrils in a worryingly close facsimile of a human shrug. “It seems not. Though it is fun!”

“Fun,” the overseer hissed, “Is not for beings like us. Go, and mingle with the mad mammals down there.”

He turned and left. When he was out of broadcast range, Biologic turned to Anthropic as they made their way towards the waves lapping the shore. “Do you think the Overseer is right? That we are becoming more human?”

“I think he’s a moaning old bastard.”

“A very human thing to say, Anthropic.”

“Maybe. But it’s a sentiment you agree with, yes?”

Biologic chuckled digitally again. “It is, my friend, it is. And you’re right. He is a moaning old bastard. Let us go and try and have some fun.”