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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-01-07 05:04:02+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAfuriousson

My wife is convinced that I will cheat on her because she’s pregnant.

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, manipulation, controlling behavior, breaking and entering, physical violence

Original Post Feb 19, 2021

Throwaway because I know multiple people in my family have Reddit accounts.

Long story short my father cheated on my mother with my stepmother. My wife, in our seven year relationship (four dating, three married), has never met my father, stepmother, half siblings, step uncles, or my step grandfather. My mother convinced my wife she didn’t want any of them at the wedding or have any holidays with them the entirety of our relationship. My wife was cheated on in the past but moved passed that (or so I thought).

Well my wife and I recently found out we’re having our first child but my wife is not excited or happy at all because my mother told her that my father cheated on my mother once she got pregnant. Yes, accurate, but it was before either of my parents knew my mother was pregnant with me.

My wife is convinced that I’ll cheat on her because she’s pregnant. Very unlikely as she’s the most amazing woman I’ve met and no one can hold a candle to her on looks.

My mother just says I’m my father’s son which really pissing me off. But because my wife hasn’t met my father she says that the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. She does trust me, she says she trusts me, but she cries every time my phone goes off.

My stepmother, who I call Mama, says to not vilify my mother and be a supportive husband to my wife as I can be. She even bought me some stuff to pamper my wife with because “she deserves to be loved and pampered like the beautiful woman she is” and how pregnancy is tough on women’s bodies (I trusted the woman who was pregnant three times, once with twins).

So, besides the obvious, how can I get my wife to calm down and enjoy her pregnancy? Or convince her that I will not cheat on her? I love my wife, she makes me whole, there will never be anyone but her.

Edit: to add my father and stepmother owned up to what they did to me years ago. They always apologize to my mother whenever they see her because she constantly brings to up. I’m almost 30 but my mother will not stop making jabs at my father about my stepmother. I’ll see what I can do about that.

Edit 2: okay, message taken. Separate my wife and mother, currently looking for therapists, and going to break out a couple face masks so my wife will be in a good mood when I talk to her. Maybe give her a massage. But I need to talk to her and cut contact with my mom.

Update 1 March 12, 2021 (1 month later)

Okay, thank you to everyone who responded to my post, me and my wife are grateful and hopefully my head is firmly out of my ass.

Firstly, my wife has joined an online book club with a lovely group of women who I have met. She’s made friends, she’s enjoying their book, the majority of them are moms so they have plenty to talk about. With permission from my boss I changed my work hours so we could spend more time together and we’ve been talking a lot. She is much happier and she’s been talking to a therapist and me about her insecurities. It’s a work in progress but that is life (and our baby is developing very well due to reduced maternal stress).

Secondly, I now call my stepmother by her first name. I don’t call her Mama anymore. She wasn’t upset at all. My wife has met my grandfather (SM’s dad) and my uncles (SM’s brothers) they got along real well. Especially since I got a pie to the face and they all laughed at me. Fair. I’m under the impression it was my grandfather’s idea but as long as she is happy. Her laughter is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.

My mother was told therapy or no contact. I was told she “wasn’t going because there wasn’t a goddamn thing wrong with her.” Her husband and daughters (my awesome sisters) are going to keep trying. My mother and wife have been out of contact since, my wife is a little upset but because of this she’s made new friends that when the world is better she can meet in person and the can dish on their husbands out of ear shot (kidding).

Then someone in my DMs got into my head about the paternity about my half siblings, if they really are my father’s or not. So…I talked to my family about genealogy and learning about where our family came from. One of my uncles suggested we just make our own episode of Maury, stepmother said it would be pretty boring but whatever if that’s what we want to spend our money and time on. Yes, my family is…a little weird.

So all us kids took tests, my sisters didn’t want me to be left out. I mean, I had the test as a baby, no true surprises.

4 out of 5 kids matched.

The one that didn’t?

Me.

The one kid my dad was sure about. Several tests later, they all agree. My dad isn’t my biological father. Dad’s upset, I’m upset. I haven’t told my wife because I don’t know how to really say it without sounding like a crazy person. And I still have emotions about the results myself. Me and my twin half siblings could be triplets. I don’t understand.

I’m a little lost here. I’m overwhelmed. If anyone has anything for me I’d greatly appreciate it. I’d love to ask my mother about this fun revelation but she’s not getting anything from me until she goes to therapy. My stepfather and sisters wouldn’t know anything about it. So…if anyone has advice, I’m open to hearing it.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

czhunc

Well, I didn’t expect that.

Do all your siblings know as well? What was the reaction?

I think the first step is to reaffirm the relationships you have in your life. Your dad, he is your dad in every way that matters. Your siblings too. You didn’t ask for any of this and had no control over any of it. But you still have the same loving family you had before the test.

Best of luck with everything. And take your time.

OOP

Luckily my uncle playing the part of Maury pulled me and my dad aside before he read it out loud. It worried the hell out of the rest of my family that was there. But once we told everyone there was an upset. No anger, some tears, back breaking hugs. My younger sister was the one to question if it was a fluke so Dad and I did the other tests. Not a fluke or way too many flukes.

I was told my seat at the table isn’t going anywhere, if anything it’s going to get a pillow.

Update 2 - My mother is confronted with my paternity results and it goes as well as expected. Apr 12, 2021 (1 month after 1st update)

I wasn’t expecting to make a trilogy out of this, I was just expecting some advice to help me with my wife. But thank you to everyone who has been helpful. I shall continue my epic.

Before I begin my dad and I went through with a paternity test through a doctor, no change. And, well, I did a genealogy kit and made the results public so I could try to find my father that way and sadly nothing yet on that front.

My wife has met my whole family, it’s amazing and she’s talking about us renewing our vows so they could be there that time. Baby and virus permitting. I do like the idea. And my wife apologized to me about the hurtful things she said and the way she behaved. And even offered to have them paternity test our baby with a promise for the most boring paternity result ever. I.e. the baby being mine.

I trust my wife, we’re a team, and I love her. There will never be another person for me. I will take her up on her offer but it’s not because I think it will expose something (and I’ve told her just that).

My stepfather reportedly gave my mother my paternity results. He told me she screamed “THAT B TCH!” I believe that is a reference to my stepmother. She claims my stepmother tampered with the results (of all the tests us kids took) to make my mother look bad because, and I quote, “that skank couldn’t close her legs for a cold breeze, she’ll f ck everything that moves!” Things were thrown, and a lot of other things were screamed about my dad and stepmother. She is indefinitely no contact with me or my wife.

Her daughter, my half sister, has been removed and is living with my stepfather’s parents until her paternity results come back. My other sister is my stepsister, she’s safe.

Oh and Mama (my loving stepmother) has busted the evil stepmother myth for my darling wife. Their relationship is relatively new but those two, plus my two sisters (Dad’s girls), and my other two sisters have teased starting their own book club while they wait for baby to arrive. Or the world to right itself, whichever comes first.

So…I think I’m okay. It’s not perfect, not a fairytale but maybe an update when my sister’s results come in or if I get a hit on my genes or I can leave you all in suspense. I can stop using this account and bothering the poor people on this subreddit. But when my boy is born, it will be hard not to tell you all about it.

I don’t know how to link my past posts as I’m on mobi…

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