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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-01-30 05:16:25+00:00.
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is CRRigmaiden. She posted in r/housekeeping
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Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old.
Mood Spoiler: Happy ending
Original Post: January 21, 2025
Title: Please help me respond
I’m in a peculiar situation and need help responding to it.
So I clean at a private elementary school and also clean private homes on the side. The principle of the school I work for sold her home and asked me if I do the final clean for her. So I did and three weeks after the new home owners move in I get this text from her yesterday.
Everything she is accusing me of I did not do. If she were just a private client I would know better how to respond, but she’s also my boss at a job I love very much (and need) so don’t want to jeopardize it.
Basically she’s accusing me of emptying the contents of the vacuum cleaner into the toilet, flushing plastic gloves and wipes down the toilet, causing it to back up. I assure you I did none of these things. (And after working for her at the school for 3 years, she should know better than this). She sent me this message almost 24 hrs ago and I still haven’t responded because I don’t know what to say to her.
Please help me come up with an appropriate response. I want to remedy this situation without admitting doing something I did not do. Thank you in advance. I am sick over this
Transcript of the text message:
Mrs. Connie, the people that bought our house had some plumbing issues. Toilet overflowed and soaked carpets. Roto rooter came out and found the system full of wipes, plastic gloves and vacuum remenants [sic].
It was inspected before you cleaned and it was fine. This all happened after the last cleaning and once we moved out.
I’m not accusing you, but I don’t know who else it could be.
Some of OOP’s Comments (also from her crosspost to plumbing):
Top Commenter: You should consider cross-posting to plumbing sub-reddit if you want to provide this lady some evidence of where this stuff could have come from. […]
OOP: Great idea. I was thinking it might help to get some technical advice on how these systems work and any possible ideas or how it could have happened.
Commenter: Just be honest with her! The longer you wait the worse it im gets! Do you have any idea how all that stuff could have gotten flushed?
OOP: I don’t have a clue. The inspection was done approximately 2 weeks before I cleaned and the problem occurred 3 weeks after new owners moved in. So that’s 5 weeks of other people having access to it. But I don’t think they would have flushed vacuum cleaner contents down the toilet either. Who does that? From her stand point I can see why she thinks I did it, but I did not and I don’t have a leg to stand on. I don’t know how to prove I didn’t do it
Commenter: Personally I wouldn’t respond at all. If they really think it was you they’ll file a law suit (they won’t), but responding to an asinine accusation is opening the door to further communication on the subject with people that are already trying to gaslight you.
OOP: Although this was a one time clean of her residence, I’ve been working for her for several years as custodian of the school where she is principle. So I can’t really ignore it because it would be awkward when I go to work and see her on a daily basis. I’m also worried it will effect my job as she is my direct boss.
Commenter: I’m sorry you are being accused of something you did not do. Its the worse feeling if you ask me.
I guess all you can do is be honest.
Not sure if they had any work done but at my workplace, our construction workers use gloves and vacuums as well. When they grout or caulk, they use gloves. When they drywall, they use vacuums, etc.
OOP: Thank you. It really is the worst feeling to be accused of something you didn’t do. Especially by someone who knows better. But it seems she has thrown me under the bus
Commenter: Do you wear disposable gloves or use disinfecting wipes? If not you can prove it that way maybe
OOP: I never use wipes and I wear the thick yellow gloves that go up to my elbows. If they got flushed it would have been an immediate problem. Besides I’m not missing any gloves so it wasn’t done accidentally either.
Commenter: Wait…. They had the plumbing inspected BEFORE you cleaned and none of this was in the pipes? How in the world did they come to that conclusion? Sounds fishy to me.
OOP: Unfortunately the text you see in my post is the only thing I’ve gotten from her. Of course she didn’t bother to explain how she come up with that. So yeah the inspection was done appropriately 2 weeks before homeowners moved out and the sewer backed up 3 weeks after the new owners moved in. But she somehow managed to pin point me as the guilty party. It was a one time clean I was there maybe 10 hrs out of the entire 5 week period. Unfortunately I take this very personally because she’s not only my boss at my ‘regular’ job, but I considered her a good friend too.
Commenter: Dear xxx,
If I am to understand the situation, the clogging of the septic tank occurred three weeks after my sole cleaning. For the record, I do not use wipes or disposable gloves. I use microfiber rags and heavy-duty gloves that i wash after every cleaning. Its cost effective. I did not empty my vacuum at your home. I only emptied my vac at home. I feel bad about this situation. However, this was not my doing. Hopefully, the new owners can figure this out and use their homeowners policy to cover the plumbing costs.
Warm regards,
XXX
Going forward, never clean for your main employer tell them that you’re too busy. You don’t want to jeopardize a big job for a small job. A business is different from cleaning a home. I have heard horror stories. I had a big employer use one of my employees to clean his home after i turned him down. He only paid her 200, and it took her 3 days, and he complained about everything she missed. I was caught in the middle. Wasn’t my lesson to learn, but there sadly was a lesson for my employee and now you.
OOP: That’s the best advice I’ve got all day. And the sad thing about it is i I only agreed to do the job because she was in a huge bind. It was a favor I did for her.
Commenter: The is basically her word against yours. I would respond, denying things. Keep the text in case she tries to mess with you at work and never again work for her on the side. If she does start treating you differently, go to your union if you have one.
OOP: Great advice. I will never work for her on the side again. I still can’t believe she did this. I’m not in a union but the school is a private Christian school governed by a board that all know me very well, both personally and professionally. Before going to the school, I worked for the church (for years) who governs the school. I don’t think she would risk embarrassing herself as she is director over elementary, middle and high school.
Update Post 1: January 23, 2025 (2 days later)
Hi I’m the housekeeper who was accused of causing customers plumbing to backup. I’ve tried updating original post but can’t seem to figure it out so I hope this reaches everyone who commented. Also, thank you so much for the advice and support.
So I responded to her the same day of original post, which would have been two days ago. It went something like this:
“I apologize for the slow response, your message took ne by complete surprise and due to the nature of our relationship I wanted to take some time to consider all that you said. First let me say I’m sorry to hear of your trouble with the plumbing backing up in the home you recently closed on.
Secondly, let me assure you I did not do anything to contribute to or cause the clogged lines. I don’t use wipes when I clean homes ( I don’t even own any wipes so wouldn’t have had access to them. I don’t use plastic gloves. I use the large, reusable ones that reach up to my elbows so there’s no way one of them got flushed even by accident. Besides I checked my bag and all are accounted for. And finally, I didn’t use a vacuum in your home.
When I asked about vacuuming the carpets you informed me that you already vacuumed and the people who were coming the next day to shampoo the carpets, would also be vacuuming. And just for the record, I would never flush my vacuum content down anyone’s toilet. As is evident in my work at the school.
Finally, I have consulted a couple of professional plumbers and have been told a clog of that magnitude did not happen from one cleaning. The inspection was done two weeks before closing and the clog occurred 3 weeks after new homeowners moved in. That’s a 5 week period, two different families in the home, various workers, including carpet cleaning crew, and who knows who the new homeowners have had in the home, along with their small children so I find it hard to believe the damage occurred in the 10 hours I spent in…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1idfc1y/oop_asks_for_help_in_responding_to_accusations/
Finally, I have consulted a couple of professional plumbers and have been told a clog of that magnitude did not happen from one cleaning. The inspection was done two weeks before closing and the clog occurred 3 weeks after new homeowners moved in. That’s a 5 week period, two different families in the home, various workers, including carpet cleaning crew, and who knows who the new homeowners have had in the home, along with their small children so I find it hard to believe the damage occurred in the 10 hours I spent in the home. I have so many questions but I guess the main one is, how can I help you with this situation? What are you expectations of me? Please feel free to let ne know what it is I can do for you. “
She still has not responded back and I sent this two days ago. I live in Louisiana and school has been closed all week due to snow storm so I haven’t returned to work yet but am anxious about seeing her when we do return. Hoping she responds and settles this before I run into her at work. Thanks again for helping ne with this situation
Some of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: My best guess is she never brings it up again and things will be normal back at work.
If they don’t bring it up then just let go and know you handled it professionally.
OOP: Thank you for your comment. It never occurred to me she might just drop it altogether but the more I think about it the more I think you’re right.
Commenter: Wow you did great! Perfect response to her. She hopefully feels a bit embarrassed for putting this on you. She will probably never bring this up again. Please keep in the back of your mind how quick she was to blame you.
OOP: Yes it’s disappointing to know how quick she’s willing to throw me under the bus and our relationship will never be the same because I will never forget the betrayal and shock I felt.
Commenter: I read your last post and was very interested to read your update. Your letter was perfect! You addressed the items flushed very clearly and were very respectful. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I’m wondering if the items causing the backup were from before you cleaned the house. Previous cleaning company?
OOP: I had a plumber tell me it’s probably years of accumulation and there’s no way a one time clean by me and/or the new owners cleaning person could have caused this
Update Post 2: January 23, 2025 (12 hours later)
Title: Great news!! Thank you all so very much for walking me through this. This was my first time posting on here and it seriously helped me keep things in perspective. I’m so impressed with all of you!! ❤️.
Text Transcription:
Principal: Mrs. Connie, I apologize for not calling you. I am not upset with you. Pleas come see me tomorrow so I can talk to you face to face. Again, I’m sorry. The people we sold it to were very upset with me. So it made me upset. But I do believe you. I just don’t know what happened.
OOP: Thank you. That’s great to hear. I will see you tomorrow and I appreciate you letting me know we’re ok. [message like by principal]
Principal: And I apologize for not answering sooner. We’ve had company non-stop.
Some of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: Make her come see you. Remember, you are the principal now.
OOP: Love this! And you for saying it
Talking face to face:
I think she just wants to apologize face to face. But it gives me the opportunity to explain how it couldn’t possibly be me and let her get that it was the new owners on her own
Commenter: You already explained that to her, you don’t need to do it again. Just let her apologize, smile graciously and say “no worries, I appreciate you”. Literally don’t say ANYTHING about the incident. It wasn’t your incident, it wasn’t your problem, and you don’t need to say a darn thing about it.
You will be tempted because you are kind and want to make sure everything is ok, but she might use it as an excuse to cause more drama, so please just let her do all the talking and don’t defend yourself, because there is nothing to defend!
OOP: Thank you! I would be explaining only to help ease her mind but it would definitely sound like I was defending myself and that would be the last thing I want to do. Have you ever heard of “guilty by accusation”. It’s a real thing and it so me. Lol. I appreciate your advice
Commenter: (downvoted) I would quit
OOP: Thought about it. But I love my job and she usually stays out of my way. I pretty much run my own show
Commenter: Seems drastic to quit your job, doesn’t it? Seems to me that she was rattled by the complaint and without thinking it through, turned to you. But you’ve gently and firmly corrected any misdirection she temporarily had, and it’s all going to be good. People Might forget how hard it is to find a regular job you like that works for your schedule.
OOP: Thank you. And you’re right. I was being dramatic (I’m not normally a drama queen). The tone of her first text led me to believe she was going to ask me to pay the plumbers bill, If that was the case I would most definitely quit. I’m fortunate in that I don’t depend on this job for my sole income, so I do have the luxury of quitting if certain boundaries were crossed. Also I would never leave them in a bind. I try hard not to let others bad behavior effect my good behavior (it happens sometimes though lol). At any rate since she send me this last text apologizing and I know more of where she was coming from, everything is good. I felt so relieved and happy that it’s over. Thank you for your thoughts on the matter. You make a good point 😃
Commenter: I would just remain professional and get right back to the normal order of the day (if that’s what you choose to do). You don’t need to say anything special. Just tell her you understand and that you appreciate her business. The whole debacle is probably best left in the past asap.
Part of remaining professional is remembering that she is not your friend, as has been unfortunately demonstrated.
OOP: Yes I agree and as thrilled as I am with the way this turned out, I’m sad because it made me realize she is not my friend and does not have my back. Although the opposite is true at work. She goes to bat for me all the time and im sure shes covered for me more than once and has the decency not to tell me about it. It seems I didn’t take into account that she’s a professional and that’s what professionals do. (Good leaders). I just wasn’t prepared for her to be the complete opposite outside of work. I find I don’t like her very much if this is the way she operates on a personal level and while that’s disappointing, it’s not a deal breaker. Thank you for your insight, it helped me to separate the two. 🙂
Commenter: Even good people sometimes respond to situations poorly.
I am different at work, but my core values are my core values. Sometimes I am not my best self, and I do not live up to my standards.
Maybe this particular situation hit her wrong, and she was not her best self. Selling a home is stressful. Being in education is intense right now. Who knows what she has going on in her personal life.
Trashy people don’t suddenly become noble leaders who go to bat for their people when they get to work. They become lazy, petty, uninvolved leaders.
One lousy reaction doesn’t mean anything other than ‘she’s human’. Especially when all your other interactions have demonstrated the inverse.
OOP: You’re right and I agree that good people have bad days too. For that reason I am able to let this go. However, like you, my core values are deeply ingrained, as they should be. For me, that means they’re second nature, resilient and.not easily shaken. What you get in the board room is what you get in the living room and vice versa. In other words, if I care for you and have your well being at heart, that’s going to carry across the board. There’s no situation that is going to cause me to feel or act any differently than I would when all is well. I always ask myself, If I were in her shoes, in the exact same scenario, how would I react. And the answer is always the same. I would NEVER do to her what she so easily did to me. Sure I have “knee-jerk” reactions all the time, but my default mode isn’t to put my own feelings above anyone else’s, it isn’t to throw the first person I see under the bus, and it isnt to use good people as a human shield to protect myself. Now I’m old enough to know that we’re not all the same and we cannot hold others to our standards, as I did her. So I guess the bottom line is she hurt me. She hurt my feelings. And she caused upset and disruption to my life, not because of what she did, but because of who she showed herself to be. I was literally blindsided and I’m not accustomed to that happening. I usually read people better than that. There’s people I would have even expected to behave the way she did. She just wasn’t one of them. Now, that’s the bad news. the good news is…. now I know. And knowledge is everything, it ensures this won’t happen again. It’s always enlightening (good or bad) to know where your stand in others lives. And now I know and will move forward accordingly. Thank you so much for your insight. It’s really helpful and much appreciated
