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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2025-02-21 05:00:09+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CourseTasty9395
Originally posted to r/AITAH
[New Updates]: AITA for suing my brother over a family heirloom he gave to his fiancée?
NEW UPDATES MARKED WITH ----
Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: emotional abuse and manipulation, possible theft, bullying, death of a loved one
RECAP
Original Post: December 30, 2024
I come from a family where heirlooms mean a lot. Our grandmother left us an antique diamond necklace that’s been passed down for generations to the first daughter in the family. Since I’m the only daughter of this generation, it was supposed to come to me.
My brother claimed grandma told him in private that it should go to him instead because he’s “the most responsible.” I didn’t want to cause drama, so I let it go, even though it felt unfair.
Last week, I saw on social media that my brother gave the necklace to his fiancée as an engagement gift. She posted a picture wearing it with the caption, “Feeling like royalty with my new family heirloom.”
I confronted my brother and reminded him the necklace was meant to stay in the family. He said, “She is family now. Don’t be petty.” When I asked for it back, he refused, saying it would ruin their engagement.
I decided to take legal action to get the necklace back. Now my brother is furious and calling me selfish. My parents think I’m overreacting, but some extended family members are on my side, saying he never had the right to give it away. His fiancée even messaged me, calling me a jealous drama queen and telling me to find my own man to buy me jewelry.
The whole thing has caused a family feud, and now my brother and his fiancée are threatening to uninvite me from the wedding.
AITA for taking this to court over a necklace that was supposed to be mine?
Additional Information from OOP
OOP: For everyone asking why I didn’t fight harder to get it before, I honestly didn’t want to cause a huge fight over it at the time. I thought my brother would treat it respectfully, but now seeing it being gifted like it’s just some accessory really hurts. I’m not trying to ruin their engagement; I just want what’s rightfully mine back. What would you have done in my place?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Deleted Commenter: NTA. The necklace is a family heirloom with clear traditions and it was meant to go to you as the only daughter of this generation. Your brother had no right to gift it to his fiance especially when it was intended to remain within the family.
OOP: Thank you, that’s exactly how I feel. I don’t understand why he thinks he can just rewrite the tradition. It’s not about the necklace itself but the principle behind it. Do you think taking legal action is too extreme, though? I’m starting to second guess myself because of all the backlash from my parents and brother
Commenter 2: You need to ask your parents why they care more about your brother than you.
OOP: Honestly it feels that way sometimes. They keep saying they don’t want to take sides, but their silence feels like support for him. I’m starting to wonder if they just don’t want to deal with the conflict.
Was there a will that has confirmed what needs to be done with the necklace?
OOP: unfortunately she didn’t write a will so the necklace wasn’t officially stated to go to anyone in particular.
Commenter 3: NTA
I already find it more than sus that grandma told your brother “in private” that she wishes to break a family tradition and give that necklace to him not you. If it usually goes to the oldest daughter, grandma would make sure everyone knows that she wants it done differently. Telling only the person who benefits from the change makes no sense.
Unfortunately, I have no idea what the law says about situations like that (probably different in different countries), but your post sounds to me like the legal action has already started so at least your lawyer seems to believe you might have a case. Good luck!
OOP: Yeah it’s hard to believe grandma would’ve made such a big change without telling anyone else. I’m still figuring out the legal side of things. I just want to do what’s right even if it gets messy. What’s mine is mine.
OOP shares the history behind her grandmother’s necklace
OOP: The last owner of the necklace before my grandmother was her mother so it’s on my grandmother’s side of the family. It’s always been a tradition passed down from the maternal side, and as the only daughter in this generation it was supposed to go to me. That’s why it’s so frustrating to see it given away like this.
Update: January 8, 2025 (nine days later)
Wow, I wasn’t expecting this much attention on my post. Thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts and advice. I wanted to give an update because things have escalated and there’s some new context.
First, I talked to my parents about the situation. It turns out my brother didn’t just take the necklace he convinced my dad that grandma told him it was meant for him because she thought a man would be more responsible. My dad, trying to avoid conflict, handed it over without asking questions. So no, my dad didn’t intentionally give it to him, it was manipulation.
I also reached out to other family members who remember grandma’s clear wishes that the necklace was supposed to go to the first daughter. They’re willing to back me up if this goes to court. My dad has also agreed to speak on my behalf in court, clarifying that he never meant to give the necklace away permanently.
As for the legal side, I’ve consulted with my lawyer, who thinks I do have a case. Since there’s no will, it all comes down to proving that the necklace was meant to stay in the maternal line. It’s tricky, but I feel more confident now knowing I have some family members on my side.
My brother and his fiancée, however, have doubled down. They’ve accused me of being jealous, and his fiancée posted another passive-aggressive picture on social media wearing the necklace, captioning it “Some things just find their rightful home❤️.” It’s honestly infuriating.
At this point, I’m committed to fighting for the necklace, even if it causes more tension in the family. I’ll keep you updated if there are any major developments.
Additional Information from OOP
OOP: I’m not backing down no matter how much they try to twist things. This necklace belongs to me and I’m going to make sure it stays in the family.
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: FIGHT!! This is theft and it rightfully belongs to you!
…but ask yourself, how come all of you bend to your brothers will? Have things like this happened before?
OOP: Yes, things like this have happened before and it’s always been my brother getting his way. It’s frustrating but I’m not letting it slide this time.
Commenter 2: Your brother is a manipulative POS. Your parents should tell him he’ll be written out of their will if he doesn’t return the necklace to you, saves you going to court.
If not, go to court and go NC with him after, he’s not your brother, he’s a snake. And go LC/NC with anyone in your family who sides with him.
For social media, you can just post if you need to respond and say it is an ongoing legal matter and will be discussed in court. Everyone will know what is up then.
Update #2: January 24, 2025 (2.5 weeks later)
Hi everyone, here’s the latest update. My court date is set for the 27th and I’ve been doing everything I can to prepare. Honestly this whole process has been so overwhelming emotionally, mentally and financially. I never expected that standing up for what’s right would come with such a heavy price. I’ve had to dip into my savings to cover legal fees which has been stressful but I can’t back down now.
The good news is my dad has agreed to testify on my behalf. He’s been reflecting on everything and realizes now that my brother manipulated him by claiming that grandma wanted him to have the necklace. My aunt is also supporting me and has shared specific moments where grandma talked about how the necklace was supposed to go to me. Having them both on my side is giving me hope.
Meanwhile my brother and his fiancée are making things even messier. She actually brought the necklace to a family dinner recently wearing it like a trophy. She didn’t say anything directly but the way she was flaunting it felt like a calculated move to provoke me. My mom told me “to just let it go” after that incident but how can I when it’s so clear they’re doing this to spite me. I don’t know, sometimes it feels like my mom is supporting my brother. She’s been really quiet about all of this.
The emotional toll of this fight has been huge but I’m trying to stay strong. This isn’t just ab…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1iuj042/new_update_aita_for_suing_my_brother_over_a/
The emotional toll of this fight has been huge but I’m trying to stay strong. This isn’t just about the necklace it’s about honoring my grandmother’s wishes and standing up for myself in a family that has always prioritized my brother over me.
Thank you to everyone who’s been supporting me here. Your encouragement has been such a lifeline during this difficult time. I’ll update you all after the court date on the 27th.
Additional Information from OOP
OOP: Honestly I didn’t expect things to get this intense. It’s like every time I think I’m making progress, something else comes up. Still shocked by how quiet my mom’s been about it all. I’ll keep you all posted after the court date on the 27th fingers crossed!
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: Your dipping into your savings and causing all these rifts in your family and still going to lose the court case
OOP: I get that it might seem like a tough fight but I’m not backing down. I have solid support from my dad and aunt, plus the legal side is looking better than expected. I’m confident that when it comes down to it. I’ll win this.
Commenter 2: Why do your father and mother allow him to continue acting this way? Flaunting the necklace at a family dinner in the middle of a lawsuit? Maybe if they put their foot down and didn’t allow him to participate in family gatherings with out returning the necklace to its rightful owner or at least being respectful about it they would be more pressured to give up the necklace.
If you end up with it back though, PLEASE wear it all the time in front of her and post pictures with snooty captions similar to hers about it REALLY finding its rightful home.
Commenter 3: I truly despise those mothers who use the damn “just let it go” bullshit argument. What she is REALLY saying is “I want you to be a doormat because I refuse to deal with the real problem person and prefer that you just roll over and take it.” Your mom can stuff it. She’s just a horrible mother.
I hope the court case goes well. Please give us another update.
Update #3: January 29, 2025 (five days later)
Sorry for the late update, things have been exhausting, and I honestly needed some time to process everything.
So, we had our first court date on the 27th, and I won’t lie it was way more stressful than I expected. My dad testified on my behalf, making it clear that my brother manipulated him into handing over the necklace. My aunt also backed me up, sharing how my grandma always intended for it to be mine. My brother, of course, tried to twist things in his favor, acting like he was just following some “private” wish from grandma, but there’s literally no proof of that.
Right now, we’re still waiting on the next steps. The case isn’t fully settled yet, and my brother is pushing back hard, probably hoping I’ll just give up. His fiancée sat there acting all emotional, like she’s the one being wronged in this situation. Meanwhile, my mom has barely said anything, which honestly hurts more than I thought it would.
This whole process has been draining, emotionally and financially. Legal fees keep piling up, and I never thought I’d have to spend this much money just to fight for something that was supposed to be mine in the first place. It’s frustrating, but I’ve come too far to quit now.
I really appreciate everyone who’s been supportive through this. It helps more than you know. I’ll update again once there’s more news.
Additional Information from OOP
OOP: Didn’t expect this fight to take such a toll on me but here we are. Just taking it one step at a time and hoping for the best🤞
Top Comments
Commenter 1: Be aware that the girlfriend might ‘lose the necklace’, dump your brother then miraculously find it. Then sell it.
Commenter 2: That’s what I was wondering is there anyway to like hold the necklace in some sort of not escrow but a safe third place?
—NEW UPDATE---- Update #4: February 14, 2025 (2.5 weeks later)
Sorry for the late update, but things have been insane. My next court date is set for March 9th and let’s just say a lot of people have shown their true colours.
At this point I’m convinced some people are just pretending this isn’t happening. My mom silent. My brother Acting like this is some personal attack on him instead of what it really is him taking something that was never his and certain other family members. Let’s just say I now know exactly who would backstab me.
The tension is unbearable. Some people are way too comfortable pretending this isn’t happening. Let’s just say, some relationships may never recover from this. I have definitely heard a lot of talk about this from my family but I’ve already spent more than I ever imagined on legal fees and this is far from over. But giving up not happening.
And for those of you confidently predicting outcomes in the comments stop. I’m not from the US and laws work differently here. A lot of people have been acting like they know exactly how this will play out when they don’t even know how the system works here. I’ve seen people confidently say things that don’t even apply to my situation. If you don’t know just don’t assume.
I’ll update again soon but I’m holding my ground. No matter how exhausting this gets. I know what’s right.
Additional Information from OOP
OOP: At this point, I just want justice and to finally put this behind me.
Top Comments
Commenter 1: NTA. Your brother had no right to give away a family heirloom that was intended for you. Taking legal action to retrieve it is understandable, especially since your father and aunt have testified on your behalf, confirming your grandmother’s intentions. It’s unfortunate that this has caused a family feud, but standing up for what’s right, particularly in honoring your grandmother’s wishes, is important. Hopefully, the upcoming court date will bring a resolution that respects your family’s heritage.
Commenter 2: It happens all the time: when there’s a death in the family, it’s like some latent virus wakes up and takes over, with all kinds of crazy ideas of what they were ‘promised’, what they were ‘owed’, taking liberties and getting greedy.
I’m sorry you are going through this, but proud you are taking a stand to defend yourself from your brother and SIL’s greedy, grubby lies.
There comes a time when we find our hill to die on, and this is yours.
Good luck!
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