This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2025-02-22 05:02:24+00:00.
I am NOT the Original Poster. That is gnawingloneliness. She posted in r/internetparents, r/AITAH and r/MadeMeSmile
She reached out to me herself and gave permission for me to post.
Also, dates are from my time zone as that is what I see on reddit, so keep in mind that OOP is about 6-7 hours ahead of my time zone.
Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. This is a VERY long post.
Trigger Warning: abuse; verbal abuse; physical abuse; homelessness;
Mood Spoiler: Things are looking up for OOP!
Background Post: January 16, 2025
Title: AITAH for refusing to speak to my brother after he attacked me
Repost because it was removed from the AITA sub for mentioning violence. Oops
I feel inclined to share this since I’m getting berated by my extended family.
For context, I’m 21F and he’s 15M. My little brother (Rascal) is a narcissistic menace. As a kid, it was tolerable - I was his older sister, and being the eldest daughter of 5 kids in an ethnic household meant every action of his (and the rest of them) was on me. But as he grew older, he began taking advantage of the fact that I’m the scapegoat of the house, the one no one respects or listens to but is blamed for everything.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was him attacking me 2 weeks ago. He had my wrists on a death grip and I instinctively fought to get him off me. I was dumbfounded and also scared because he attacked me at the top of the stairs, and I was on the verge of falling down. He had a growth spurt last year so is 5’10” to my 5’5”, which perhaps gave him the confidence to manhandle his older sister??
I would’ve left there and then, but it was 10pm at night, with no car & nowhere to go. I woke up the next day with bruises on my wrists and got really upset and angry all over again. I called my uncle to tell him what happened because I didn’t know what else to do. I regret that because whilst he did tear Rascal a new one, he also told him to apologise to me after “she’s had a day to calm down”. Rascal didn’t do that, and I was truly hoping he’d never talk to me again since he didn’t get any punishment anyway, no one held him accountable for his behaviour - he just went straight back to his PS5.
However, my uncle called me back a few days ago and asked if Rascal had apologised yet. I was in my room, assuming no one was around, so I was talking loudly when I said “No, he didn’t apologise, and I don’t want a measly apology that means nothing anyway. He has done this over and over again and I’m tired of the abuse. I’ve done nothing to deserve this.”
Rascal was standing outside my room and heard that uncle was on call with me, and in an attempt to manipulate the situation again he ran, got some leftover snacks from his room and knocked on my door whilst I was still on call with uncle
My uncle heard Rascal come into my room & throw the snacks at me whilst saying sorry loudly. I saw red & threw the measly bag back at him, telling him to never speak to me again. My uncle started saying “wait, he apologised?? Why are you screaming, go tell him you accept it.”
I said lol you must be mad and ended the call.
Haven’t talked to uncle since either, I regret even involving him but I had no one to speak to, no friends, and my therapist appointment is in a month.
My cousin called me today: said Uncle told her everything and that I’m a bad sister for not hearing my brother out, that I should talk to him. She said “siblings fight all the time!”
So, AITA for standing my ground and vowing not to speak to him again?
(I will be moving out and going NC with my mother for other reasons, but this situation has solidified the fact that I also want nothing to do with him and his abuse.)
Background Post 2: January 16, 2025
Title: AITA for telling my father he cannot tell me what to do
I’m 21F, and trying to move out. I live in England. It’s been a long process due to some financial issues, but I’m getting there - I have an end goal in mind which is good.
My father does not live with us. He works abroad. Him and my mother are not on good terms but for some reason won’t divorce, just separated. He also has another family which may add context.
I made the mistake of talking about me moving out within earshot of my mother a while ago. Ever since then, she’s been trying to manipulate me, not realising that the curtains have been lifted from my eyes. I see every word for what it is - a power play, an attempt to chain me to a toxic environment that uses me as a scapegoat.
When her final card, telling me to stay because I’m useless and can’t be independent and would be better off saving my money for a car instead of rent and bills, didn’t work on me - she called my dad to talk some ‘sense’ into me.
The call from him was triggering, but I pushed through and said I don’t want to live here. I hate that I’m either being taken advantage of or demeaned. He kept pushing, so in anger I said I hate her. That he cannot convince me to stay just to slave away for people who don’t care about me. I said I rather be in debt and pay my rent in money, instead of paying it with my mental health as I’ve done my entire life.
He said “are you refusing to listen to your father?” I said “Maybe you’d have a leg to stand on if you were here, but you’re working abroad, have another family that you don’t even live with either and are probably thinking about. You’ve got enough on your plate so please don’t bother with me now, my decision is set.”
He was furious and called my siblings in anger ranting about me. They’ve not said anything really. My mother then got wind of what I said and has been badgering me ever since to apologise to him. I admit I have been avoiding his calls because I was angry when I said everything. I’m feeling slightly guilty now for causing a rift.
AITA for shutting down my father, arguing with him and telling him he cannot tell me what to do?
Original Post: January 25, 2025 (9 days after background posts)
This one is long, please read if you can. I’d love to get some advice and moral support.
In previous posts, I mentioned how chaotic my home life is, how my brother attacked me and how my anger was dismissed. This links to today’s events.
I’m 21F, with a mother that hates her life and therefore projects all her negative emotions onto her children - mainly me. She has the classic victim-mentality narcissistic mindset, spewing the same bullshit about how I am the cause of all her troubles, I am the reason for her behaviour. Refuses to have a civil conversation without screaming at me, has NEVER apologised for anything, has never ever hugged me or told me she loved me. That’s not an exaggeration - NEVER.
Being the eldest daughter, I was blamed for it all. Her behaviour is always my fault according to her. I’m too emotionally drained to give specific context but just know that the “why does my mother hate me?” questions began when I was just a 5 year old little girl.
In the past few years, I had accepted that no amount of begging, pleading or bargaining would give me the loving mother I yearn for. So I decided to protect my emotions from being exploited. I stopped trying to reason with her.
After the incident with my brother, I continued not speaking to anyone. Going about my life outside, coming back here just to sleep. Without the financial independence to move out and no friends to stay with, I thought I had to endure this until I got my money up.
But I’m at the end of my rope. Today, after not speaking to each other for weeks, she came and commanded me to do fill out a long form for her. I said “I’m not ready to act like nothing happened. I was assaulted and nearly thrown off a flight of stairs by your son and you did nothing but watched. And then dismissed me when I broke down in rage. You have ignored me since. If you’re gonna talk to me, then let’s start with what happened that night.”
She began ranting about how everything was my fault. How I’m selfish for expecting her to sort him out when he won’t listen to her. I said “you laughed at me in front of him and told me to stop the dramatics. In front of him.” The ranting from her dragged on and I just left to go to my room. She came up after me cussing me out. This is where I lost it and began recording so I have evidence. She yanked my phone and threw it back at me. Then proceeded to continue raging at me.
I made a mistake and said “that’s what you are” as a reply to one of her horrible insults to me. She began hitting me, I tried moving away but she continued - at one point punching my face. Now she is shorter than me, and I’m quite obviously stronger. I could’ve fought back. But regardless of everything, in my heart she’s my mother and I didn’t want to touch her and…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ivb41z/i_am_leaving_this_house_i_will_have_no_one_to/
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I made a mistake and said “that’s what you are” as a reply to one of her horrible insults to me. She began hitting me, I tried moving away but she continued - at one point punching my face. Now she is shorter than me, and I’m quite obviously stronger. I could’ve fought back. But regardless of everything, in my heart she’s my mother and I didn’t want to touch her and give her ammunition to use against me. I managed to grab my suitcase and duffel bag which became a shield against her attacks. I went upstairs, hyperventilating and needing to get OUT.
As mentioned in my previous posts, she has tried manipulating me to stay and not leave the house before. But something about today opened my mind - I rather be living in shelters than be here. I packed a bag but all the numbers I called wouldn’t pick up. I’ve been in my room for the past 5 hours, trying to hatch out a plan. I can’t leave if there’s a risk I’ll be forced back because of circumstances. I know because of previous fights in this house that my mother will give me the silent treatment for weeks, so I have time to hash out a plan.
I have no friends. No one to stay with. So on Monday morning, I will take my bag and go to a woman’s shelter. I will be out of here and survive no matter what. I will be blocking her number and picking myself back up. Despite being 21, I’m at a low in life. I’ve been sheltered from friends and community. I have no one. But I will make it. I live in England, I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to escape. I have all my documents and passport packed. She also has no access to my bank account and I have a few hundred bucks to get me by right now until I get a job.
She isn’t usually violent, only with me. I’ve decided I don’t want to go to the police now. My priority is moving out and being anywhere but here. I know my extended family will call me, I will NOT pick up. My little sister will know I’m safe but that’s it. I’m here right now typing this because I have no one to help me. I’m gathering strength with each letter I type. I will make a life for myself, one of my doing, one that overcomes the trauma she has inflicted on me my whole life. I will succeed despite it all.
I’m hoping that things go well and I’m able to come back here and let you know that I’ve taken the step, that I’m doing it. I will find a job, I will work hard, I will decide how my future looks. I’m done being the chained elephant who doesn’t know her own strength. I will be FREE. I only wish I didn’t have to be all alone doing this.
Some of OOP’s Comments:
Commenter: Don’t fall into the trap of a seemingly nice partner comes along and wants to give you the world, only to continue the cycle of abuse.
OOP: (Un?)fortunately, I don’t trust at all when it comes to romantic situations. I’ve refused many dates with seemingly nice men before, because I’m not mentally healed from this household. After I attend therapy and work more towards healing maybe I’ll give it a proper go, but definitely not now. I also don’t have a car :/ wish I had, I’d be out of here by now if I did. It’s one of my goals though for when I’m more financially stable, learning how to drive and getting myself a car
Work:
I have BCC from my A-levels, and a Level 3 certificate in cyber security practices. I haven’t gone to uni, I explain a little about that in another post. But I have a good enough CV (resume), so I’ve been mass applying to jobs online despite the lack of vacancies. I’m planning on calling job agencies too, every morning, and maybe start off with a zero-contract job whilst I look for something more stable [Edit] I live in England to clarify, but in summary the credentials mentioned above means that I am employable enough (I think?). I haven’t had a job before which sucks but I am really good at adapting and learning.
Update Post: January 26, 2025 (Next Day)
Title: I’m about to do it. There’s only 9 hours left till I leave and never look back. My life begins tomorrow. I’m so scared
Posted about my plans to leave this abusive house yesterday. I live in England.
I am quite literally shitting bricks. I know I’m a 21 year old woman, but I’ve been completely conditioned to believe that I cannot achieve anything on my own. My so called mother ingrained in me that I’d never succeed without her ‘guidance’. This is the FIRST time I’m taking such a drastic step that no one ever expected me to do. I won’t mull over how I’ve let them think so low of me with my inaction. I can’t victim-blame myself. I feel so panicky omg. Monday morning, I’m out. Bag is packed, essential’s ready. Important documents and passport all secured. I don’t know where I’ll end up tomorrow night. I have no idea what the future entails. I have no means to support myself currently but my priority is escaping this hell. I’m posting here to hold myself accountable and ensure that my resolve doesn’t waver so that I ACTUALLY leave and don’t doubt myself. I have to believe that anything is better than subjecting myself to more of this abuse. I feel like a clueless child, inexperienced and uninformed about the world. I have no one, no friends. But I’m doing this anyway.
Please please please give me some moral support. I really need it. You guys don’t understand how much your advice helps. Letting me know that I can do this is giving the confidence I’ve always needed to take the step. I’m hoping to update you in a few days about how it’s going. I hope I survive and thrive. I hope she doesn’t end up being right.
Thank you so much. I’m still looking for jobs so I can get a steady income and start saving. My life begins tomorrow.
[EDIT- 11:30a.m GMT] Left at 9am carrying only a backpack and a dream. I’ve been seen by the youth hub charity that I mentioned in the comments!! The lady who spoke to me 2 months ago opened the files of the risk assessment I took back then, and I had another round of updated assessments to see that I’m not at risk of hurting myself. I told them about what happened. They said that they’ve sent away my information to the housing association in my city, and will hopefully find an all-female accommodation by tonight. I did reiterate that a mixed accommodation is fine for now because I need somewhere to sleep tonight as I’m definitely not going back that house. Guys it’s actually happening this feels so surreal. I’ll do a proper update once I’m situated and more settled.
[EDIT 2- 14:30 GMT] I’ve got a horrible headache, I’ll make a full update about everything later on but right now I just want to ask what other options I have in West Midlands? Our councils are strapped for cash, our charities are closing due to lack of funding. The level of loops I’m being forced through is diabolical. I understand I guess, people can lie just for housing. The questioning of the abuse made me even less secure in myself- felt like I’m making it bigger than it is, but I’m still pushing through. Like I said I’ll make a detailed update but in short: as of right now I’ve called the police, waiting for them to email/text me with the crime number so I can forward that to the charity workers who’ll send it to the council. Then, I’ll wait for a call back from the housing association AGAIN. I just really hope I get answers before night time, so that I have time to think of other options. I’ve been sitting down, stressed and mentally drained from having to explain what I went through over and over again. Anyway, I hope I’m back later with better news.
Update Post 2: January 27, 2025 (Next day, 2 days from OG post)
Hey! I’m the 21 year old young woman from England (West Midlands to be specific) that was planning to escape and live her new life. Fair warning - this post ended up being so much longer than I intended it to be 😀
If you’re new, I posted last night about leaving my toxic household. I talked about not having anyone, being all alone, but being determined despite that.
So I got up at 7am all nervous. Had breakfast. Ensured the kids (edit: I’m referring to my 3 younger siblings living there, all over 15yrs old) and mother were gone before I got ready to leave. Just as I was about to go downstairs to leave, I heard my mum come back which never happens once she leaves for work. She heard me moving about but didn’t bother me, just went to the bathroom and left. Longest 10 minutes of my life, I really wanted out and right on the day I secretly made a solid decision she was back to haunt me lol. Anyway, I didn’t overthink it - I left just after she did and walked in the opposite direction to the bus stop.
I got to the youth hub at 9am. Told them of my emergency and that I needed somewhere to sleep tonight as I had nowhere to go. Things seemed to be going well (in the other post I added edits as things were happening in real time so feel free to read that) but I hit a snag when the housing association called me and said that they can’t help with just my words - I could be lying thus needed evidence. They asked if I had filed a report with the police yet or if I had medical records from the days of the attack. I said no and no. The lady speaking to me seemed like she just wanted to end the call there but with enough prodding she did tell me that if I filed a report and gave them a crime number I could then be housed somewhere tonight.
I called the police, which was a whole other gruelling experience. The first woman who picked up was so sweet, she was patient and told me to take my time once I mentioned I was reporting abuse. However, they referred the call to another man (from the domestic violence department with the cops) and that call was so emotionally draining. It was a video call, and his whole demeanour read like he was annoyed at me and that this wasn’t a big deal. I reiterated to him this is the first time reporting my family so I’d need a little patience. He kept telling me to stop adding unnecessary details and cut to the point with the events. Verbatim. I was so stressed recalling what occurred and his bluntness wasn’t helping🥲 At one point he let out a chuckle when I said I didn’t want to press charges, I just needed the report on file so that I won’t be reported missing. So that I can be housed away from that unsafe place. Then his demeanour turned into “oh so *that’*s why she’s doing this” & he proceeded to talk to me like I’m a moron and say “you can give them the crime number, but the council won’t get any details if they ask so don’t think any data protection laws will be breached to solve your housing problem”. I was thinking DUHHHH I KNOW THAT. Anyway I’m just ranting about him because he actually gave me a migraine.
The crime number did end up being enough, and once sent back to the council I got a call after another 2 hours telling me that I’ve been referred to an all-female shared accommodation with housing support. That accommodation ended up calling me just 30 minutes later, telling me to come over now. I assumed they just wanted to talk to me, so I said I have a big bag and I’m tired is it possible to talk over the phone. The lady said “oh no I’m telling you to come because there’s a room that was just vacated this morning, come see if you wanna stay”. There was of course no question about it - I went on my way, taking another 30 minute bus ride.
Anyway, got there looking dishevelled and crazed. I was so exhausted. I got a brief tour (can’t recall anything), she talked to me and I filled out some forms and signed some papers. So I’m officially here for the foreseeable future, only paying a small weekly service fee until I get a well-paying job after which they won’t help me and I’ll pay the full rent!
I’m so tired. I haven’t eaten since this morning, I’ve been having some snacks but that’s all. I plan on getting cleaning supplies, cleaning the room up tomorrow (they didn’t get a chance to clean it before I came), and being grateful despite the fact that some things that aren’t great here. I’ll go into more detail on that in another post because this is getting too long. Sorry for rambling I hope you’re still reading.
I talked to my little sister and she said my mother has no idea still. Like I said before, drama with my mother means she’ll ignore me for weeks after. So the fact that this one is newly fresh (literally occurred only 2 days ago) means she hasn’t seeked me out at all. I have blocked her + brother’s numbers. They will not be able to contact me and they don’t know where I am. I also specified to the police that I’m not missing, I’m safe and any missing reports are false. I told them to call me if they get such a report and need to confirm my safety.
Okay finally let’s talk about how I feel: I CANNOT believe myself. I have a bed to sleep in, a wardrobe to put clothes in, somewhere to be that and it only happened because I took that step. I’m out of that toxic house and they don’t even know it. I didn’t know I was this strong. Now that I’ve taken this step, I know I won’t go back. That niggling doubt is fading. I’m so proud of me :)
I’ve got a lot more to say about the room and the accommodation overall but for now I want to bask in this achievement. It was a long 10 hours of constant worrying that I’d have to sleep in an unsafe environment tonight. Yet I didn’t run back to that house when the fear hit. I stuck it out. I said I’d sleep outside if I had to, or not sleep at all. Despite the obstacles thrown at me, being told that I’m not really homeless if I didn’t get kicked out, being made to feel that I was lying about fleeing abuse - I still stuck it out. And now I’m here in a warm bed.
Yes, once I settled and was left alone with my thoughts, I felt so horrified at myself for reporting my “family”. But I got over it quickly because I thought back to what they did. Family don’t do that. I didn’t betray them, they betrayed me. I’m realistic so I am expecting to feel more negative emotions as I find my independence. But that’s okay, I know that’s just the teething pains from growing. This turned into a whole saga I apologise, I have lots more to say but for now thank you so much for your encouragements, advice and help. Thank you for cheering me on. You helped me see this through.
I’ll update you guys as there’s so much more to say, with details about a potential friend I made with my roommate?/neighbour? (got each other’s numbers yay!) and all the gossip and lore I got from her about this place. She gave me so much tea and hacks to survive with your things intact lool, I’ll be speaking to her more she seems so nice :))
Update Post 3: January 30, 2025 (3 days from last post, 5 from OG)
Title: 3 days since I left my abusive home, and she STILL has no idea… can’t make this shit up
[…]
So, today is Day 3. I’m more settled now, I’ve been feeling comfortable in my independence. I’ve gone out and bought essential groceries for myself. I’ve been eating and I’m glad to say I’m alive and well. As the days go on, I feel so much confidence in the decision I took. I know there’ll be a low point in the future (maybe once my period starts again next month and my hormones are out of wack) where my loneliness will overwhelm me, but I’m prepared. I know it’s natural, it’s inevitable and it’ll pass :)
I’ve also got therapy scheduled for Wednesday 5th February! I’m glad it’s happening- I’ve simultaneously left the abusive environment and starting my healing journey. Yay
In regards to drama at the house I left, my little sister called me to tell me that my mother doesn’t even know I’m gone yet. I mentioned in my previous posts that when my mum would fight with me and say the most horrible stuff (or in this case, hit me), she would ignore me for weeks. This is still the case, she’s still “ignoring” me, so she hasn’t checked my room. She hasn’t seen me either (obviously lol I’m long goneeee), so she has assumed that I’ve barricaded myself inside my room and that I only come out when she’s at work😂😂
With that context in mind, my sister told me the funniest things that have happened since I left. 2 days ago in the car when my mum was dropping my siblings off to school, she started shouting at my sister. Nothing new there, but my sister almost burst out laughing when my mother began ranting crazily about “that sister of yours that hasn’t even left her room in days and has stunk up the place, is that who you wanna be like?!!”
Then, yesterday morning, apparently she was angry at another sibling and went upstairs to shout at them for not being ready to go to school. She was passing my room and decided to knock aggressively whilst shouting through the door. She was yelling about how this is her house, I have no right to (her words) “shout and abuse your own mother then lock yourself in your room and avoid all responsibility!! you WILL come out! If I am back and you’re not out then watch what happens !!”
Mind you, she’s saying all this with the door closed. It’s 7am, I’m not there, I’m 10 miles away sleeping in another bed. Who tf was she screaming at 😂😂😂😂😂😂
When my sister was telling me this I was genuinely dying of laughter. I couldn’t believe the level of ridiculousness. Like what do you mean you’re screaming at someone through the door, not knowing if they’re there or not, yet wasting your breath anyway. She didn’t even take a peek to ensure I had heard her🤣🤣🤣
As funny as it was, it also made me realise the craziness I lived in my whole life. My mother felt so comfortable in abusing me because she genuinely believed there was no limit for me. All my other siblings, she holds back because she doesn’t know how far she can go before they’re irreversibly pushed away. With me, she exploited my sensitivity and clear desperation for a loving mother. She felt so comfortable saying whatever, doing whatever, thinking I’d never go anywhere despite it.
The day after her attacking me, she was quiet, telling my sister to bring me food. She knew she was wrong at least at first.
The day after that, I left in the morning as you all know. Since then, I haven’t been back as I have everything I need for now. So she hasn’t seen me. Yet she assumes I’m still there.
And because she assumes I’m still there, she is relieved that the small doubt she had about me actually leaving (which came from me telling her I would after taking my suitcase upstairs on the day of the attack) was gone. And so because her belief that I’ll never leave is reinforced again, she now feels comfortable twisting everything to make it seem like I was the one who attacked her, even shouting at me for it… through a closed door that I am not behind, lol
It’s hilarious, this is what I’d have to endure if I stayed. I have never ever felt more secure in my decision than now. I was right - anything else would have been better for me than subjecting myself to more of her bullshit.
Anyway, that’s enough on the update front. I’m sure I’ll have another story to tell when she finds out that I actually did leave. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see that reaction. I’ve already blocked her because I do not want her contacting me at all, and that’s bringing me much needed peace right now :)
[edit]
It’s been 4hrs since I posted here, after reading some comments and thinking to myself I’ve decided to unblock her just to ensure any messages that come through can be used as evidence if needed. Muting it though, just to preserve my peace like I mentioned
Update Post 4: February 8, 2025 (9 days later, 14 from OG post)
Hello. It’s been a while, haven’t been feeling well enough to update - first emotionally, now physically unwell. If you want some background information before continuing, look at my latest post which has all the details linked.
Things are a little disorderly in my head but I’ll try to go chronologically
So that day my mother was screaming through the closed door, I mentioned she said she’d be checking back to see if I was still in the room. Of course, I hadn’t even been in the house for 3 days before that but she hadn’t realised. Anyway, that afternoon she must’ve checked the room and realised I wasn’t there. She assumed I had crashed at a friend’s house (which is hilarious considering she knows I have no friends, but I guess it’s how she justified it in her brain because she couldn’t imagine me truly leaving with no where else to go).
She asked my siblings and of course as discussed with them they both feigned ignorance. They said they don’t know anything.
A day after that (8 days ago), my aunt called me twice in the afternoon. I learnt from my 15F sister that upon calling me, my aunt called my mother to ask why I wasn’t picking. My mother told her “she’s not home, I don’t know where the hell she is but I’m guessing she’s with friends.” Well, this aunt of mine is one emotional busybody (bless her but also give me a break pls) so she - in her worried state - called her brother (my uncle). I was at the cinema when my uncle began spam calling me. Then, my aunt began spam calling me. Now imagine, I’m watching the new film ‘Companion’ (it was meh, expected more) and I get spam called by relatives. My anxiety levels were through the roof. I put my phone on DnD and let them know I’d talk to them later.
At the same time, my 20F younger sister (who I’ve mentioned escaped before me and goes to university in a different city) texted me to let me know that our mother was spam calling her. She told me how their conversation went - my sister feigned ignorance too, saying she hadn’t heard from me. My mother went on a rant, venting about me and my “audacity to leave without saying anything”. Mother told my sister “tell her that she is not allowed back! Tell her she can stay wherever she is!!” Sis said she could barely hold in her laughter. Mind you, this whole time I’ve unblocked my mother so if she was really curious she could’ve called. However, she made no attempts to contact me (which I’m glad for). But it’s really annoying how she’s sending people after me with her “woe is me my rebellious daughter is nowhere to be seen” bs.
On that note, I should mention that said uncle called me back after I left the cinema that day. He was poking and prodding to figure out where I was. I stood firm in being vague, told him I’m safe and that’s all that he needs to know. I emphasised that I’m emotionally drained and have nothing else to say. I mentioned to him that I’m gone for good though. I forwarded that message to my aunt too.
That whole interaction drained my energy, so I was unable to update on how things went. Yet even then, my mother still hadn’t gotten it in her head that I was gone for real. I guess she realised couple of days ago when she saw me leaving the old house with my suitcase and duffel bag. Since she didn’t contact me directly, I felt safe enough to go to the house when she wasn’t there and get my stuff. She was on her way back when she saw me getting into the Uber. There was no big reveal lol. Better this way, I left quietly without fuss. I acted completely different to what was expected of me. No drama, no justification, no last words. I actually like that it went like that. I think it was very unsatisfactory for my mother, so another win there lol. At least her pride will not let her contact me - that would’ve hurt me before, but it works in my favour now.
I also had my first therapy session on Wednesday 5th Feb. Went well, still feel weird about opening up. I feel so self-aware about who I am so it’ll be interesting to see if I learn more about myself. Unfortunately, with this being a free service, I only have up to 8 sessions (8 weeks). Then I’m left to my own devices. I was referred by my GP to a NHS wellbeing practice sooo I don’t know where I’d go from there. I don’t have the money to pay for therapy.
After my therapy on Wednesday I broke my damn molar lol. I was eating and it went craaackkk. I had an ugly meltdown it was the last thing I needed. Luckily, I was able to get an emergency appointment for the next morning to get it removed because it posed a danger apparently. I didn’t wanna wait for severe nerve pain, so I opted for the extraction. That shit was sooo painful. I only received a local anaesthetic, but I swear I felt the pain. I (of course) tried to be calm but the sight of the blood being sucked away in those tube things made me feel faint haha (I could never work in the medical field).
Anyway, it’s been 2 days since I’ve had it removed. I’m still swollen, still in pain. Haven’t eaten much, have an extreme fear of getting dry socket. Reading online about it hasn’t eased my anxiety lol. I don’t have much energy to make myself soft foods either, but I’ll try make myself some oats tomorrow morning. Speaking of dry socket, I’m not in throbbing pain right now. I’m fine. It’s been around 55 hours since the extraction. How much longer am I at risk for? I haven’t even spat vigorously or brushed my teeth properly (yuck) all that time - been very gently rinsing with warm salt water though. I hope I can go back to normal soon. It’s very very very lonely, recovering from surgery all alone on the first few days of moving out.
Another good thing is that I’ve got a food bank voucher. It’s near where I live, and I was supposed to go there yesterday, but with my whole oral emergency … alas. However, I hope to go next week when I feel better. They’ll give out essentials like rice, oats, sugar and pasta. It would really help me out.
Anyway, my apologies if this was not coherent. I tried haha. My head’s killing me I need to take ibuprofen
Mini Update Post: February 9, 2025
Editor’s note- too long to include here. OOP is looking for a job but in the meantime found a place where she can volunteer and meet new people/network
Update Post 5: February 11, 2025 (3 days from previous update)
Title: 15 days since I left. Successful food bank trip today!
Heyy! It’s the 21F from England who fled her abusive household. Call me Kenzie, I love that name !
So today, I had an appointment with a support worker from the charity that initially helped me when I fled. She was nice, expressing the ways she can support me. She’ll be able to help me with budgeting, going with me to grocery shop if needed , helping me brainstorm my next steps etc. I have another appointment with her next week! :)
After that meeting, I went straight to the food bank with my voucher. Because the person who referred me (an employment coach I see alongside my therapist) specified that I am also in need of cutlery, pots and pans and all that, the food bank had SOOOOO much second-hand stuff ready for me. I was so geeked !! There was a kettle, plates, measuring cup, pans and pots, spoons and forks, mugs, teabags, sanitary items, even shampoo and conditioner! They went over and above and my heart is so full I’m so happy. Of course, there was the food too - lots of beans and tuna and mackerel as well as chickpeas, rice pudding, custard etc. Basically all the canned food you can think of ! I haven’t looked through the bags thoroughly, but I’m also hoping there’s rice and pasta too. It’s okay if there’s not, I can buy that myself :)
(Also, my sister who lives in a different city is sending over a package of old pans and pots she doesn’t use either, so I’ll have more than enough to make all sorts of meals! I like lasagna, so I’ll probably buy a glass tray for that too idk if that’s what it’s called lol)
Carrying all that back on a bus ride + walk by myself was extremely difficult, but some nice strangers helped me carry some stuff. Then when I was near the accommodation, I called my housemate (the girl who was lovely to me the first day I came here) and she helped without question, even bringing a little shopping trolly she owns to carry the stuff. She’s actually an angel, I felt comfortable asking for her help. I’ve reiterated to her that if she ever needs anything I’m here for her too.
Anyway, all that stuff is stacked in my room now. I’m incredibly tired because as soon as I dropped the food bank stuff off, I went straight back out to do some grocery shopping (getting oil, milk etc) and those were heavy too. Came back and collapsed onto bed hahah. I have some more stuff to buy, like seasoning and whatever. But for now, I have enough to finallyyy make a good meal ! I’m so grateful and soo glad.
I’ll give myself a break tonight, but tomorrow morning I’ll wash up all the cutlery I got from the food bank. I’ll clean the cupboards I have (I’ve got locks for them too so no one can steal my stuff yay!!) and put everything away. That way, my room can be free from any clutter. I also bought washing up detergent and liquid soooo I’ll do my laundry too!!
I will also sign myself up at the nearby dentist and GP so I don’t neglect my health! Hoping to do that tomorrow :)
Still haven’t heard back from the volunteering gig, but I’ll update with any news of that when I do!
Hope to be back soon :)))
Small update
woke up this morning and washed all the cutlery I received! Put everything away in the cupboard, andddd yesss there were rice and pasta there too! I have enough food to last me over a week truly, so many combinations. There’s even a veggie curry in a can that I can heat up and eat with the rice! I’m so happy :)
also there’s this one small glass oval thing that I have no clue what it is, is there a subreddit to find out the names of odd items? Google didn’t help lol I’m a bit confused -> edit I’m told it’s a lid for a casserole dish? Never would’ve thought
Mini Update Post: February 15, 2025 (4 days later, 19 from OG post)
Editor’s note- unable to post here due to length, but OOP has reconnected with a friend who was able to help her when she needed some medical attention!
