This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.
The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-04-19 04:00:08+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/brokenhearted118
My fiancé [25f] dumped me [26M] on Tuesday. Today she tells me she wants the apartment to herself tomorrow for her Valentine’s date.
TRIGGER WARNING: Loss of home, death of a loved one, emotional abuse
Original Post Feb 13, 2014
I’ll try to keep this short because I’m so stunned I think I’ve stopped being able to process things. I’ve [26M] been with my fiancé [25F] for 4 years. We’ve been engaged since last year and actively planning the wedding.
Last month, we moved to a new city across the country because my fiancé got an amazing job offer. I wasn’t happy about it since I had to quit my job and all our family and friends were in the city we left. I was kind of a jerk during the moving process, but I’ve come around since getting here.
My fiancé kept talking about this guy [late 20s maybe?] she worked with at her new job, and it made it me uneasy. I went to a few after-work events where he showed up, and he seemed like a total asshole. Very full of himself artistic type. I didn’t like the way he interacted with my fiancé and we would occasionally fight about it.
Tuesday night she got home really late, sat me down and broke up with me. She said she felt an immediate bond with this coworker that’s stronger than anything she’s ever felt before. This from the woman who just a few months ago I held in my arms while watching the stars as she told me she’s never felt more at peace than when she’s beside me. I laid awake on the couch all night feeling like I was continually being punched in the stomach.
I didn’t fall asleep until 3:00pm yesterday, and stayed asleep until this morning when she woke me up. Basically, she’s having this asshole over for valentines day and demanded she get the apartment to herself.
Between the move, all the deposits we had been putting for wedding stuff, and not having a job since we moved out here, I have literally no money for a hotel or anything else. We got into a big fight because I called her out and said she knew I had nowhere else to go. She said that’s not her problem, she’s done solving my problems for me (what???!) and that I needed to fix this one on my own.
I guess his roommate is having a date over so my fiancé offered our place for her date with the asshole. She says this is happening no matter what I say.
So yeah. What the hell am I supposed to do?
TL;DR: After uprooting me from my home town a month ago, my fiancé dumped me on Tuesday, and is now demanding the apartment to herself tomorrow for a date with this asshole artist from her new job. I have no money to do anything else.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
theyretheretheir3
Oh no. No no no no. Hell no. You’re going to park your ass on the couch tomorrow and you are going to refuse to move come hell or high water.
Do. Not. Leave. What a heinous move on her part.
OOP
I basically told her I would refuse to move tomorrow, but she said this man was coming over no matter what.
theyretheretheir3
Well then… they’re gonna have to deal with having a romantic date with another dude sitting on the couch then, aren’t they?
OOP
I can’t emotionally handle seeing her date another man right in front of me in our home. I understand I would fucking up their night, but I think I’d shatter on the spot seeing them together
Why can’t they go somewhere else?
I asked why it had to be here. His roommate is using his place for a date. I asked why it couldn’t be at a restaurant or a hotel or anywhere else and then all she could do was talk about the ways I failed her in our relationship and that this time she wasn’t going to fix things for me
sbwv09
She is doing this intentionally. She has something to prove…to herself, to you, to the other guy, not sure, but it’s about more than this date. I had to live with my ex for months due to being in a situation similar to yours. I started seeing other people but always went out. That’s what any decent person would do.
Don’t cave. Have a party, as others have suggested. She doesn’t deserve any satisfaction from this.
OOP
This is so true, you should have seen her face as we got fighting over this
Edit: I appreciate everyone telling me I should stand my ground. I told my fiance I wouldn’t leave the apartment, but I don’t think it’s a threat I can carry through with. I will be emotionally devastated if I have to watch the woman I love and care for more than anyone else date someone right in front of me in my own home. Other suggestions would be appreciated.
Edit 2 Thank you so much everyone for all your suggestions. I can’t keep up with all the comments, it’s almost overwhelming given everything that’s going on in my life right now. I’m going to take a walk and try to clear my head. I just can’t bring myself to tell my family and friends what’s happened. It feels so embarrassing. I like the ideas about trying to reach a compromise. I have a lot to think about
RELEVANT COMMENTS
[deleted]
Don’t go is your name on the lease fight this grinch…if I knew where you lived I might come over and be your “date” that’s how much i think you should stand your ground
OOP
My name isn’t on the lease since I didn’t have a job when we moved out and my credit isn’t the best. We thought it would be safer if she put her name on the lease since she’s employed and has better credit
JoeDawson8
Go home. Is there someone you can stay with there? If your name is not on the lease, get the fuck out and go NC.
OOP
Plane tickets back home are insanely expensive, and its money I just don’t have right now
theyretheretheir3
Can you borrow the money from your parents? Surely they’ll understand given that you’re in dire straits.
OOP
Honestly, I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell them what’s happened. I’m so ashamed and embarrassed about it.
Update Feb 14, 2015 (1 year later)
I’ve [27/m] spent the last year working very hard to improve myself. Now that it’s Valentine’s Day again, I was thinking about what a dark place I was in last year. I didn’t have the strength to post an update back then, but now that I’ve had some time to heal, I wanted to let everyone know how I’m doing.
Thank you all to everyone who helped. You were the only support I had last year, and it meant the world.
It looks like my original post was deleted. I can still see the text when I log in so here is the old tl;dr:
After uprooting me from my home town a month ago, my fiancé dumped me on Tuesday, and is now demanding the apartment to herself tomorrow for a date with this asshole artist from her new job. I have no money to do anything else.
Part of the reason I didn’t update afterward was because I was extremely embarrassed with how things turned out. It’s only because of some intense therapy that I’m able to be honest and ok with telling this story.
Basically, I decided to make one last big attempt at winning her [26/f] back.
Right after we got engaged, my ex had a close relative succumb to a longtime illness. This relative was very happy that she lived long enough to see us get engaged. When my ex was a child, this relative had given my ex a charm that she wore ALL the time. A few months after the relative died, my ex lost the charm, and it was like the relative died a second time.
As we packed up the apartment to move to the new city, I found the charm. Rather than give it back immediately, I decided that I would keep it in a safe place and surprise my ex with it at our wedding. I thought it would be a meaningful way to include this relative in a moment where she would be deeply missed.
Somehow, I got in my head that if I showed her the charm on Valentine’s Day, she’d remember everything that we shared and that I could cut through whatever fog she was caught up in.
I was under the impression that my ex would come home after work by herself to get the place ready for her date. I was planning to use this alone time to give her the charm and either win her back, or lose decisively and leave before her date s…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1k2no11/my_fiancé_25f_dumped_me_26m_on_tuesday_today_she/
Took my partner with my to 5 different cities in my life. I could imagine abandoning the person who gave you loyalty for a new fling.
I was under the impression that my ex would come home after work by herself to get the place ready for her date. I was planning to use this alone time to give her the charm and either win her back, or lose decisively and leave before her date showed up. But instead, she showed up with the asshole from her job. That threw me through a loop big time, and it was INCREDIBLY awkward. He was patronizing. She became LIVID that I “stole” her charm. I struggled to articulate myself. It was the most embarrassed I’ve ever been.
I got out of there and literally walked around all night until it got so cold I couldn’t stand it any more. I went back to the apartment building around 4am, and in what was a personal low point, fell asleep in the hallway outside our apartment.
But that was the low point. There have been high points since then. I was able to move back to my hometown, and my old employer gave me my old job back. I even met someone else and we dated for a while. We just broke up though. It sucks to be alone again on Valentine’s Day, but I’ve learned it’s ok to be sad every once in a while. And compared to last year, this year is practically a celebration. Therapy gave me a wonder perspective on life and some great coping skills for when times get difficult.
As for my ex, I heard she married the asshole guy from work. Her sister would text me occasionally, and apparently her family hates the guy. Whatever, it’s not my problem any more.
Lastly, I want to thank everyone on reddit, sincerely. People offered to buy me a ticket home. Other people offered to hang out with me if we happened to be in the same city. Some people even offered just to skype with me so I could have someone to talk with. Even though I didn’t respond, your messages meant so much to me. Thank you.
Tl;dr: I tried to win my ex back, it ended terribly. My life is mostly back to normal again.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
