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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/EyeGlad3032 on 2025-04-19 12:06:17+00:00.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/missdelululand

AITA for refusing to spend another dime on stepkids and step grands

BoRU Suggested by u/Direct-Caterpillar77

TWs: Infidelity, Emotional Neglect/Abuse, Gaslighting, Past Trauma, Narcissistic Behavior

Original Post February 1, 2025

I (38 F) and husband (50 m) have been married for 10 years and have a 1 yr old daughter together , he has a Son (30 m) and daughter (28 F) from a previous marriage. Since my husband and I have been together, I have always bought his children birthday presents, Christmas presents and gifts/ cards every holiday.

They have always made snood comments about me being “too festive”. But my love language is gift giving. Well they both have children now , his son has 3 children under the age of 5, and his daughter has twin 2yr old daughters. This past Christmas his daughter and her husband hosted our family Christmas party. During the gift exchange each house hold exchange the gift they bought for the other house holds. (For context his children have never bought Christmas presents for me which I am fine with. I have always been the one to purchase the gifts for my step children and my step grandchildren, my husband gives the adult kids gift cards. ) So while the gift were being passed out , it quickly became apparent that this year they not only didn’t buy anything for me but not his for my 1 year old daughter ( their half sister). So everyone at the party had gifts to open, my husband, my stepson and his wife their 3 sons, my stepdaughter her husband and twin daughters, had All bought for each other and I had bought for all of them , and not one person bought anything for their baby sister.

I gathered my things and my daughter and we left. Afterwards, I told my husband that I had never been made feel like apart of the family and that’s one thing but for them to exclude their own half sister who is part of their blood is a complete different thing. I told him I will never spend a dime on HIS family because they are NOT MINE. Also they decided to do a “family photo shoot” and didn’t include my daughter. AITA??

RELEVANT COMMENTS

HonestlyTheOne

Your husband never said anything to you never getting gifts from them?

What was your husband’s reaction to your child getting no gifts?

What was his reaction to what you told him?

Your husband is as much a problem it seems.

OOP

No my husband never commented on them never getting anything for me. But he did say he was upset with how they treated the baby. But not to them, he hasn’t brought it up to his adult children.

Yes, he is part of the problem, he has never set boundaries with his children nor advocated for equal respect.

~

Alarming_Paper_8357

No more gifts. You tried, but you’re done with them. After 10 years, you’d think they’d get a clue. Just curious: Were you the reason your husband broke up with his ex-wife? If so, that may be why they are so hostile. And, honestly, I’d write them both a letter and explain that you have been handling gifts for your husband’s family for 10 years, but will no longer be doing so after the way they treated their half-sister during the holidays. Any gift requests, etc., should be directed to your husband.

And your husband is an ass for letting them get away with this B.S. for 10 years. Let him know that he’s on his own from now on for birthdays and holidays, you’re done with them

OOP

No, he and their mother divorced when his son(30 m) was seven and daughter (28 F) was five. He and I started dating when they were 16 and 18.

Update 1 February 16, 2025 (15 days later)

Update: Well, I had a long talk with my husband again… after reading all the responses I got. His opinion is that his children have no opinion of our age difference however they just don’t consider me part of their family and he doesn’t think that they look at our daughter as their sister. Which I will completely respect because they are entitled to their own opinions as well as their own feelings.

With me respecting their feelings comes, they’re no longer part of my family. I will act accordingly as JUST their father’s wife. As for my daughter, she is just that, MY daughter. Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and I did not get a thing for HIS children or grandchildren. I splurged on my daughter. And it felt really great. I did remind him a week before Valentine’s Day that it was coming up and that his grandkids would probably be expecting something. He neither bought anything for his children nor his grandchildren , nor our daughter, and he didn’t buy anything for me as well.

He made a comment about feeling some type of way of the separation between me and his family on almost as though it was my own decision. And I quickly reminded him that I am just respecting the wishes of his family and that they belong to him and they are nothing to me.

In short, this marriage, most likely will not last for multiple reasons not just the issues of this post.

Also, I failed to leave out a key detail . He was married to another woman between his children’s mother and mine and his marriage. And according to him that woman treated his children very very poorly. I don’t know her so I can’t speak about her. I only know what he told me and that story is completely one-sided. he also thinks that may be the reason why his children treat me the way they do is due to past traumas from his second wife.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Mindtaker

There isn’t a world where the Father didn’t bring a piece of shit home and not give a fuck how it affected his family. Not a fucking chance anything else happened.

This guys a douchebag, and either wealthy enough to keep scoring women despite his personality, or really fucking good looking but completely dead behind the eyes.

OOP has bad taste in men.

OOP

He isn’t wealthy, he and I both make upper middle class incomes. He presents himself as an amazing man in the beginning, everyone who knows him speaks about “what a great guy he is”, I did too. About 2 years into our marriage I began to see some “red flags”, and I was already in love so ignored them. But now that I have my own child to think about , I cannot ignore them anymore.

Fearless_Pen_1420

He sounds like a narcissist tbh

OOP

I have often thought the same, I saw a bit of the same behavior in one of his children at first and then realized the behavior had derived from my husband. But I’m not a psychiatrist so… it’s just an opinion.

Update 2 February 19, 2025 (3 days after the first update)

UPDATE 2: So I FB messenger called his 2nd ex wife last night. I wasn’t sure if she would even want to talk with me, beings that I’m the new wife. But she did and we had a pleasant conversation. She disclosed that she and his son (adolescent at the time) never had any issues. But that his daughter (also adolescent at the time) was a bit difficult. Think, princess mentality. She told me stories where my husband had blatantly disregarded her feelings, when it came to his daughter treating her poorly. She said his daughter always made it clear that she was the queen of her Daddy’s castle. She eventually separated herself from interacting with his kids, which took a toll on their marriage. She also disclosed that she, had found out that in the beginning of his and my relationship that he was spicy sleeping with his supervisor. This lead me to confront my husband and after hours of denial he finally admitted.

For Context: Last summer, I caught him sxting his supervisor, I told him to leave but we had a new baby. We started going to marriage counseling for the infidelity and he swore he disclosed everything to me. But he never told me they had previously been sxually involved(even during the first few months of our relationship). Now, I’m suppose to believe that after 9years just out of the blue they started s*xting at random but nothing has continued to go on between all this time we’ve been married….

Needless to say I contacted a Divorce attorney this morning. I’ll keep you guys updated on the progress if my attorney feels like it will not have an impact on my case.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

beststript

Damn, you really cracked open Pandora’s box with that FB call 💀. That ex-wife basically handed you the full documentary series on your husband’s past drama, and the plot twists just kept coming. Honestly, the ‘spicy sleeping’ revelation on top of the s*xting? Yeah, that’s a hard pass. Good on you for lawyering up—sounds like this dude fumbled a whole marriage TWICE with the same playbook. Wishing you a smooth exit and a future free of princess tantrums and workplace scandals

OOP

Actually fumbled 3 marriage … because according to his 2nd wife, she was his AP during his first marriage… the man is a habitual cheating narcissist… and I am left thinking…

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