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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/ThrowRA7691234 on 2023-07-04 18:22:23+00:00.

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TLDR: My boyfriend cheated on me 4 times, with 2 separate people, plus traded nudes with a bunch of guys on Grindr. This went on for nearly 2 months, all the while he lied about it, and acted like things were fine. Now he wants me to give him another chance, but I’m not sure if I should.

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I need advice. My (21M) boyfriend (19M) just admitted to cheating on me.

He is in university studying for a language degree (won’t say what language because I’m trying to keep details minimal - idk if he uses Reddit or not).

Part of his degree is that he had to do an immersion program in a place that speaks the language.So this summer that just passed, from mid May - the end of June, he was in a different part of the country, over 1,000km away (~620 miles).

We both knew that this temporary long distance would be hard, but we were going to try our best to make it as painless as possible. Things were going… Okay. It obviously wasn’t fun being so far apart from on another, and on top of that, he was constantly “busy” doing one thing or another. Sometimes school, sometimes other things. I didn’t think much of it, because at the time, he had never given me a reason not to trust him.

I just figured he was always busy with school stuff and extracurricular programs, and was trying his best to talk and stuff. Anyway, flash forward to the end of June. He returns home, and is now completely free for the remainder of the summer. But things still didn’t improve much.

He was still being distant, he was still not talking much, and things were overall just different than before he left. I tried to get things to return back to normal, tried to make things work, etc.

Then 2 days ago, he sends me a text out of the blue. I can’t remember exactly how it was worded, but it was something along the lines of “I’m sorry for prolonging and dragging out this breakup for so long, we need to break up” so on and so forth, stuff like that.

I was shocked, because our entire relationship (1.5 years) leading up to him leaving for the summer was nearly perfect. Sure, we had the occasional fight, but what couple doesn’t? Things were great, and I could tell that he was deeply in love with me, and he always said and did things to show me that, and the same goes the other way. I was deeply in love with him, and always made it know.

Anyways, after he broke up with me, I was so confused, and said that we can work through this, whatever the problem is, we can fix it. That’s when he responded with “No… We can’t fix it. If you knew what it was, you would break up with me anyway, so I’m getting ahead of that and ripping the bandaid off” or something like that, can’t remember exact wording.

When he said this, I knew. I knew in my heart that he cheated, but I wanted confirmation, so I asked him “Did you cheat on me?” And then he said “I’m really sorry, but yes, I did”

My heart fucking dropped to my stomach. I thought I was going to throw up, or cry, or both. I was extremely heartbroken, and in the heat of the moment, I blocked him on all social media accounts before he even had a chance to respond, or explain.

He then texted my cell phone number (forgot to block him there) and said things along the lines of “I promise it’s not because of anything you did, don’t take this as a reflection on you, you’re amazing, I am so sorry, I regret it, you did not deserve this” so on and so forth.

I was too upset to really talk about it at the time, so I just responded with something like “Yeah, it’s whatever. Have a nice life” and didn’t text him anymore for the rest of the night.

You see, I hate cheating. This is my second relationship, and I was already cheated on in the first relationship I was in. I forgave my first partner… Then they did it again. After that, I was done, and I told myself that I will never forgive cheating again, and if any future partners do it to me, that’s the end of the relationship. No ifs, ands or buts about it. I don’t want to put myself through that pain again.

Anyways, flash forward to the next day (yesterday), and he texts me again. He repeats the same sentiment he did the day before. He said that he is so sorry, I never did anything wrong to him and I didn’t deserve that, he feels terrible, he hates himself and what he did, and said that he regrets breaking up with me instead of trying to talk it through and work past it, and he asked if I would give him another chance. He also said that he downloaded Grindr “out of curiosity”, and that one thing lead to another, and he ended up meeting with that first guy the first time. After that, he said that, because he knew I was going to break up with him when I found out, he kind of “disconnected”, and thought it “didn’t matter anymore because the relationship was going to end anyway”, which is part of the reason he continued doing it. He did seem truly remorseful. He seemed genuinely sorry for his actions.

I do really love him so much, so I decided that I wanted us to talk about it and him be honest and tell me EVERYTHING that happened, and then maybe we can see if we can work past it (which goes against everything I said about never giving a cheater another shot, but I love him so much).

So anyways, we called later that day and he told me (supposedly) everything. Here are a few bullet points.

• He got on Grindr pretty much immediately after arriving where he was doing the immersion programs. 2 days after he arrived there.

• He talked to and sent exchanged nudes with “20+ guys” on Grindr.

• He ended up meeting with 1 of the guys 3 SEPARATE TIMES. The first time, they just watched a movie, cuddled, and gave each other head. The second and third time, he spent the night there and bottomed (received anal) from him.

That’s all bad enough. It breaks my heart to hear that he was doing all this behind my back, all the while he would still tell me he loved me, wants to eventually marry me, doesn’t want anybody other than me, etc. He was lying to my face.

To make matters worse, after he arrived back in our hometown, he ended up staying on Grindr, and met with A SECOND GUY here. He claims that they only watched a movie and kissed, and he spent the night with him. Apparently nothing sexual happened.

That’s pretty much all of it. So, long story short, he cheated on me 4 times, with 2 different people, and traded nudes with 20+ people. All the while, we were in what was supposed to be a committed, monogamous relationship, and he lied to my face about it for nearly 2 months.

I am so heartbroken and torn apart, and I genuinely have no idea what to do.

On one hand, I love him with all my heart, and I did truly picture us spending the rest of our lives together. Also, I know that some situations in other relationships are much worse. Some couples have managed to repair and move on from years-long affairs, so I think that maybe if we put the effort in, we can move past this.

On the other hand, I feel so betrayed. I feel so hurt. I feel so heartbroken. The part that bothers me the most is that it happened 4 fucking times, and with multiple people, and he lied for months about it.

That makes it EXTREMELY hard to believe that he is actually sorry. I can somewhat understand if he had ONE single moment of weakness, and he cheated on me one time, then immediately came clean about it.

But for it to have gone on for nearly 2 months, and with 2 separate people, and 4 fucking times, plus the 20+ Grindr nudes… Surely he isn’t actually sorry. If he was sorry, it wouldn’t have went on for this long, or happened this much, and he wouldn’t have lied about it for months.

Anyways, long story short, he still really wants me to give him another chance, and is essentially begging, saying he’s sorry, saying he will do whatever it takes, etc.

Like I said, I have no idea what to do. I told him I need to think about it, and I will give him a response later.

So, that’s what brings me here. I’m hoping maybe somebody here can provide me with some advice?

Have any of you been in a similar situation to me? If so, we’re you able to successfully move past it and repair the relationship? Did your partner cheat again in the future, or were they faithful from here on out?