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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/tafornoweg on 2023-07-21 17:43:33.
My husband (39) and I have been married for 5 years. We have two children of our own, both girls, aged 5 and 2. I also have a son (10) from a previous marriage, but I was widowed.
My husband’s ex is barely involved in stepson’s life at all. They got divorced when stepson was 2, and his ex wanted “a fresh start” so my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he’d wanted shared custody.
I got a bonus at work and I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. We’ve been on family vacations all together lots of times. But just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I’m not looking after someone else’s kid. I want stepson to stay with his mom while we go on vacation. My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it. I don’t think I’m being at all unreasonable.
My mom found out what I was planning and says I’m being a complete AH. These are the reasons she says I could be the AH:
- My mom says that if stepson’s mom isn’t properly involved in his life, I should be even more involved in his life to compensate (I think this is a completely unfair expectation).
- She also says that I’m being a hypocrite taking my son, but I think that’s totally different because my son DOESN’T HAVE ANOTHER PARENT. I’m all he’s got.
If stepson’s mom won’t take him just for once then obviously he’ll come on vacation with us. But I don’t think I’m the AH to ask if I can have a vacation with my own family just one time. It’s not like I hate stepson or something, he’s a nice kid, he’s just not mine. Am I the AH?
OP is definitely TA. She knew the husband came into the marriage with baggage. She accepted his son by default when they married him.
I wonder how OP would feel if her husband excluded her son in the same way…