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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/maroon_sweater on 2024-04-09 15:30:07.
I am NOT OP. Original post was by u/DecisionMedium6440 in r/army.
trigger warnings: sexual abuse of a toddler (by another child), child neglect, dereliction of duty on the part of trusted adults, people in authority being useless, misbehaving furniture
mood spoilers: frustrating
NOTE: PMing the SMA’s public affairs inactive account would not only against the sub’s rules, it would also be pointless. Please do not harass or brigade anyone related to this story. Please also note that the name OP is referred to by in media is not her actual name.
Editor’s Note on Acronyms
FAPM: Family Advocacy Program Manager. They are supposed to help run things regarding domestic abuse and related topics on each base.
CDC: Child Development Center. Military daycare.
PSB (OOP abbreviated this to PBS): Problematic Sexual Behavior. The term the family advocacy program uses for inappropriate sexual behavior exhibited by kids.
CID: Criminal Investigation Division - NCIS, but Army.
JAG: Judge Advocate General - Lawyers, but Army.
DoDI: Department of Defense Instruction. OOP is referring to the policy on “Coordinated Response to Problematic Sexual Behavior in Children and Youth”
Our 4yo was anally penetrated “3-4x in 48hrs” at the CDC on base. On CCTV. No protocol followed, everyone cya. Do I burn it down? - 07 January 2024
Keeping things vague. Our preschooler attended school on base. FAPM and CDC director called my spouse and I in for a meeting. Stated no one was hurt, but an urgent decision had to [be] made that day. Okay. I tried to push up the meeting, they wouldn’t meet even an hour earlier.
FAPM started the meeting saying it was not to be recorded. Okay. We’re not army, different branch here for a joint forces thing.
FAPM started by stating the above facts, but the person who did this was under the age of culpability. So good news, no crime has been committed! Therefore there’s no police report.
They would not tell us how these events were “caught” other than video existed of it. They would not turn over the video to CID when pressed.
FAPM stated it might be a good idea to get a regular check up by the pediatrician on base, but no forensic interview or forensic physical was required because again (!) No crime has occurred. That it would likely be traumatic to our child.
I said fuck that out loud, and that the base clinic would not be touching our kid. We switched to select during open enrollment anyway.
FAPM & CDC director explained the delay in notifying us was due to coming up with a safety plan: the truely responsible party was a piece of furniture that partially obscured the view of the teacher. It had been properly reprimanded by being moved.
They also decided to move our son to the other side of the classroom. The “exhibiting child” was not removed from the CDC. The CDC director said they would still have some shared activities together. I asked how she could possibly say our son wasn’t internally injured? We argued.
FAPM didn’t hand us a damn thing. I asked where are the papers? You’re supposed to be handing us an entire folder right now.
FAPM stated “people would call us”. And that if no one called us in 24hrs, then to reach out directly to her, and she’d “nudge them”. She gave us no one to follow up with other than her, and also, didn’t even give us her office # or card.
I said fuck that and drove our kid to closest children’s hospital. A forensic exam revealed a lot more.
We are unsure who’s command we were under in our branch for this deployment. It took a considerable amount of time. we were busy addressing medical need.
Our son is in fact injured internally. He’s also clearly traumatized and freaking out. We’re obviously out of childcare and drowning.
Full blown crisis.
I discovered;
-FAPM notified our command but did not tell them any details. Not our names or contact info, nor any details. Simply stated there was an instance of PBS involving a child of that branch/command.
-did the same thing for our jag
-did the same thing for CID
-did the same thing for cps
Facts:
-CDC & FAPM delayed notifying us by 30 hrs. So there were 3-4 (which is it?) events, a total of 78hrs prior first event. Maybe? They would not give exact dates, duration, or times.
-dna is not really collectable beyond 24hrs for the kit. Technically possible at 72 hrs, but diminishing returns.
-CDC didn’t create an incident report form. We’ve hounded them. They will not provide one.
-FAPM did not notify garrison police
-CID argued with us for hours. Wouldn’t take a report or statement from us, nor open an investigation into negligence on behalf of staff. Would not view or retain footage.
-I sent an email to the garrison commander. Initially they called, sounded cooperative but hands off. Kept directing us back to FAPM and CID. Then they stopped responding. Straight to voicemail, everything goes unresponded.
I finally tracked down each person FAPM notified. Verified in writing if protocol required 24hrs to notify, she waited 23hrs and 47 minutes.
I forced a CID to open an investigation by notifying CPS through the Children’s hospital. Good news, they found another impacted child. Bad news, we’ve been shut out of everything.
They also went on the offensive. Garrison commander banned me from CDC property under punishment of 6 months in prison. CDC director is stating I threatened the staff. I most certainly did not. I went in and asked for the incident report. They told me no and to leave, I complied immediately although I was pissed. No threatening movements. GPS shows I was on base for all of 9 minutes. I also popped in to run an errand across the street, have proof.
Our child is making repeated statements of adult involvement. But he’s also 4. I’ve read Miller vs. United States. His testimony would be “unreliable”.
I have a 1 degree connection to the military desk at CNN. I put out feelers, there’s a couple news outlets interested but only if our identity is revealed. Spouse would have to do it.
Im realistic. I know we’re not getting justice. I’ve read DoDI 6400.01, 608-18. If we go to media I can see the protocol requiring to kick it up outside the chain of command and automatically trigger a whole lot of scrutiny.
What would you do?
Inspector general has done nothing, Congressional complaint was not responded to.
Editor’s Note for Context:
Between this post and the next post, OOP corresponded via DM with user SMA-PAO, a mostly defunct account run by a person or some people who did public affairs for the previous Sergeant Major of the Army, the top enlisted guy in the Army. His job is to advocate for the welfare of soldiers and their families, and the fact the new SMA doesn’t use this account after the last, popular one did is something of a sore spot for /r/army. OOP’s next posts continue this DM conversation one-sided and in public.
Update; my 4 yo was penetrated 3-4x at the CDC on base. (self.army) - 18 January 2024
Dependa here. As such, I’ll go ahead and take my spouses’ rank. Most assumed WE are lower enlisted… but (again, we) are at the Senior Officer School of the Army War College in Carlisle Barracks.
Please see linked articles below for more detail.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag… And absolutely not condone violence.
Thank you for every comment and message. Validation is a powerful gift.
On a different note, there were countless messages with disturbingly similar experiences. This has to change. We have to demand it.
When a command successfully suppresses something like this, SMA-PAO, what avenue is there to hope besides public outcry?
With your command philosophy, the on the job training the leadership within the chain of command will receive without public knowledge of this event would have been an education on how to become a more successful co-abuser.
There are more details of my own experience I cannot share, but I can now clearly see what almost worked. They were good - and they did these things with both ease and comfort.
Everything on our end was done by the books and through every appropriate avenue first. For weeks previously we requested higher ranking audiences within the chain command. We know the cogs turn slowly. We gave the chain of command time to work. We were assured all relevant parties were debriefed.
And yet, they decided it was indeed a bookcase that failed to protect the basic human rights of our child - and not the fully capable Army who put it there.
I read 400 pages, highlighted and annotated, of DoDI & federal law to advocate for our child. It’s unrecognizable to what’s occurred. But as a wife, and the mother, no one gave a shit.
If you are being told everything was handled on the Army and command side by the book - we wouldn’t be here. I was told by a Supervisory SA point blank, ‘Ma’am, I’m as high as this goes’ on the second day, before an investigation was even opened. He sounded bored and annoyed. It’s now only January 18th, but perhaps for his continued pervasive attitude …
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1bzs861/inappropriate_incident_at_us_military_daycare_oop/
If you are being told everything was handled on the Army and command side by the book - we wouldn’t be here. I was told by a Supervisory SA point blank, ‘Ma’am, I’m as high as this goes’ on the second day, before an investigation was even opened. He sounded bored and annoyed. It’s now only January 18th, but perhaps for his continued pervasive attitude he deserves the 2024 award for The Audacity.
You have the resources, and the authority SMA-PAO. If you could find us in two days from an anonymous post, you can most certainly hold these people accountable - whom you know by name by now.
The question is, will you unless the public court of opinion is at your elbow? If the Army wants to stop getting black eyes, maybe it should stop punching itself in the face.
Instead of having the students of this school write papers about recruitment rates dropping and various theories to counteract it - maybe you could turn that looking glass inward. Perhaps it’s because of our experiences under the hands of this leadership.
Our oldest has always said he wanted to be in the Army - and he’ll now do so over my dead body.
To the redditors, I hope you all can understand the panic that ensues as a private, anonymous post made with the expectation of little attention goes viral.
It was necessary to go dark, obtain good counsel, reassess. The path forward will be long. Sharing the articles, this post, commenting, upvoting, is the best way you can help. Every share builds the pyre. There is more to come. But we have to wait. Until then, I will have to go dark for a while.
Despite my anger, disgust and outrage at the Army leadership of Carlisle Barracks, we’ve also been touched by the compassion and kindness of strangers. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
NEWS ARTICLE https://taskandpurpose.com/news/army-war-college-daycare-incident/
NEWS ARTICLE https://www.military.com/daily-news/2024/01/17/army-investigating-war-college-child-care-center-after-repeated-incidents-of-inappropriate-touching.html
Ps, I want all of you to know the type of man you have as your admin. [referring to one of the r/army mods, who does a lot of advocacy for soldiers] Treasure him. He is a person of rare integrity, sharp, and filled with compassion. This is not a common combination, but a powerful one given his natural inclination towards leadership.
Edit; I wanted to add - it was the Russian mothers whose passionate grief for their dead sons outweighed any fear of Vladimir Putin and demanded he count their dead correctly before they organized and counted themselves. It is the mothers in Ukraine who filled their vodka bottles with styrofoam, lit them on fire and threw them at advancing tanks rather than drink it once their sons and husbands had been taken.
We are the ones who won’t forget. We are the ones that fearlessly demand accountability.
SMA-PAO, when you retire you will hang up your jacket filled with stripes. [Indicates years in service and deployments. - ed] But I bare the scars of my sons’ births and they can never be removed from my body. I earned these tiger stripes and I wear them with pride.
Abuse is not a stand alone occurrence, but an ecosystem. It is a plant that withers in the light but thrives under the shade provided by the oaks of the chain of command.
SMA-PAO , If you agree with the public affairs statement identifying the bookcase as the only truly responsible party, by all means, we’ve had plenty of offers for wood chippers. Why don’t you stand with me as we throw it in together? A true public affair the papers would be happy to write a follow up article about. That is what all these offers for woodchippers are for, right?
There are 70 nations represented at this war college. Two star generals from their countries whose wives I’ve hosted for dinners, a true American Thanksgiving experience. The embassies which invited me in, a spouse, on our trip to New York. How do you the Saudis will react to our male children raping one another with the public affairs office confirming the fact that there policy wasn’t violated - there were indeed two adults in the room and it was filmed?
The world is watching, SMA-PAO. Please accept my public invitation to use the woodchipper on the responsible party: an inanimate object of furniture.
Final update; my 4 yo was anally penetrated 3-4x in a 48hr period at the CDC on the Army War College barracks while at the Senior Officer School. On CCTV, no protocol followed. everyone cya. What would you do? - 28 March 2024
I’m back from the dead, but only for this post. I’ve found better platforms (thanks to many of you)! I took a picture of myself next to the inbox screen of this account’s messages with SMA-PAO. I set it in my profile, but also sent the full pic. It’s a small piece of a bigger picture, that would have personally identifying pieces.
Going forward, I will not post to this account again without revealing more of the picture or personally identifying myself. As I mentioned, I’ve got better platforms that are safer and net better results.
TL;DR skip to the line
I came back to start an important conversation about Sexual assault and the army’s responses. Sexual assault isn’t always about sexual gratification. The main component is often power and control.
In the military this aspect is heightened – especially if the victim is of lower rank than the perpetrator. Anyone who has experienced sexual assault or been on the side of a victim who has, can attest to how difficult it is to take the power back.
Fundamentally the power balance was shifted to begin with. Then the victim (often freshly assaulted) must make very time sensitive but later scrutinized decisions. They’re deeply wounded and already on an uphill battle, so to speak.
But there are laws. Those are on the side of the victim and in theory can give them power. But what if the laws that are so clearly written, aren’t clearly written? Enforcement and interpretation are intertwined. Base to base have different policies, and the culture of the commands are not consistent.
Policies aren’t laws.
Remembering sexual assault (and justice by extension) have a shifting power component, the fight moves to a different front.
There are other kinds of power; political, social, financial, etc.
Laws can become more defined (or written to begin with) if there’s enough public interest to sway politicians. Pressure on local authorities to use more resources as witnessed by the Guillén case. [The Army failed to notice one of its soldiers had been murdered until her parents set off a media shitstorm. Info here - ed.]
On the other hand, there’s counterblast to carefully consider. The likelihood that the victim will win the uphill battle vs. the off the record cost. Will your career be unaffected? Will you be threatened, directly or indirectly? Will those be made good on? What about the emotional and mental taxation of the fight?
For problematic sexual behavior amongst youth that occurs on military bases all these aspects get even more complicated. Layers of nuance. Yet their are still fully bodied, able and capable adults the US Army charged with their care.
Keep an eye out for future Militarytimes.com and CNN articles about this topic in further detail.
P.s. SMA-PAO, there is one final piece of power in play, and it’s the Truth. It is still my hope that our interests would be aligned in this matter. Policy, however deviated from initially, should be followed going forward. We can at least agree that’s a good look?
This would include FOIA deadlines. Being partners in ensuring FOIA deadlines are met by policy standards would be taken as a sign of mutual good will and help restore trust. Your people can talk to my people, or history will show your decisions.
The last piece between you and I is a question I posed that applies to myself – considering the personal costs of pressing for the truth and defending it. Please note, the costs bear no matter to me. They are inconsequential to my decision making.
It’s an honor to be your obedient servant,
E. Web